


Somebody Save Me

by Kauri510



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Supernatural, Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Angry Dean, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Dean Winchester Loves Sam Winchester, Dean is sixteen years old, Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam is Fourteen Years Old, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, Thirteen Reasons Why theme, Time Travel, Unrelated Winchesters, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kauri510/pseuds/Kauri510
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unrelated Wincest AU! It's Sam's fourth year at Hogwarts, but unfortunately it's become too much. On his last night, he sends out thirteen letters to a certain someone. That someone is responsible for making sure that each person who the letters are addressed to know about their part in his death. What happens when it's Dean's turn? What is his role in Sam's death? What will he do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, Harry Potter or anything else you recognize.
> 
> In my opinion, suicide is never the answer. It doesn't solve anything. If you or anyone you know is having thoughts of suicide or self harm, please speak up. It won't do you or anyone else any good. Talk to a friend, parent, teacher, counselor, sibling, pet, hell send me a message. Just don't keep it bottled up.
> 
> 1 (800) 273-8255  
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  
> 24/7
> 
> More characters to be added as the story progresses because I don't want to give anything away on who is going to be on Sam's list.
> 
> The events of Book 4 will be mentioned, but only in the background. The story's main focus is Dean and Sam's letters.

Sam opened his eyes, and peered down at the boy who had his arms wrapped around him. He groaned inwardly. He hated it when he was made to sleep with him. Sam couldn't remember the last time he was able to sleep in his own bed. No matter what he had to get out of bed, because sadly tonight was the night. He winced as he moved. The night before was full of painful sex. It's been a long time since he was able to call it making love. He accidently clenched his ass, and he bit back a heart wrenching cry. He hurt so much.

He eventually was able to untangle himself from his boyfriend's arms and got out of bed. He quickly but quietly got dressed in his robes. He grabbed his wand, and the copy of the Marauder's Map that he had made when he stole the original from Harry Potter. He didn't want to, but he needed it so he could do what he needed to do for this night. It had proven very useful when he wanted to avoid someone. Sam was ashamed to admit that he had to use the map many times in the past couple of months.

He looked around, and wiped away a few tears that escaped. He didn't want to do this, but he couldn't keep going on like he was. Sam made his way out of the room. Why couldn't he have been put in a different house? If he had then maybe he wouldn't be doing what he was doing now. Maybe he would've been able to enjoy his time here at school. Maybe then he wouldn't alone.

Making his way down to the common room, he took a deep breath before exiting. He checked the map and seeing that no one was around, he left. A small part of him was disappointed that on this night of all nights, he didn't run into anyone. If he were honest with himself, coming to different areas he purposely tried to run into a teacher, but each time he went close to one they would go in the opposite direction. He sighed in defeat. After the third teacher, he finally gave up. He figured this was a sign that he really _was_ supposed to do this. Why couldn't there be at least someone that could save him from what he was about to do?

Finally coming up to the Astronomy Tower, he slowly made his way to the railing. He looked down and knew instantly that he would die from this height. He never really had any doubt, but this only confirmed it. Since he came to the decision to do this, he found himself picturing his fall all that much more. Even though he was up here and ready to do it, was it wrong that he felt sad about it?

His vision began to get blurry, and he fell to his knees. Sam didn't want to do this at all. Regardless if tonight was the night, he was still scared. All he wanted was for the pain to stop. He couldn't keep going like this. There was no way that he would be able to go on another three and a half years here with the same people. The same people that have made his life miserable, abandoned him, and had forgotten about him.

He slowly got to his feet, and leaned over the railing. He was so sorry that it had come to this, but there was nothing left for him. He couldn't go to his best friend, because he was in Gryffindor and there wasn't any way he could get in there to talk to him. Not even during the day, because they're both so busy with school and Sam's boyfriend never lets him go anywhere that isn't with him. Sam learned his lesson the last time that he went against what his boyfriend told him.

* * *

Sam climbed over the railing slowly. He wasn't about to fall before he was even ready. He faced the inside of the tower, and stared at the entrance. He couldn't deny that he was wishing that someone... anyone would come up here and stop him. He wanted someone to show that he was worth saving. No, that wasn't entirely true. His boyfriend would save him, but only to continue to hurt him.

He chuckled. It was funny, because the guy that he was dating wasn't the one that he truly loved or even wanted to be with. He was in love with someone else, but he was two years older than him and didn't even know he existed. He only went out with his boyfriend, because he was the first one to ever show any interest in him. Sam never had that, and he just wanted to be loved or wanted. He scoffed. A lot of good that was.

Sam didn't want to do this. In no way, shape or form did he want this, but he didn't know what else to do. He tried to get help, but those he asked help from were too busy. Sam couldn't just force them to help... everyone had their own problems. It's not like he was anything special.

He knew what the other students were going to think when they found out. Sam would be called a coward, weak or selfish, but he didn't feel that way at all. Okay, that's not true. He did feel weak for not being able to fight back. He felt weak that he couldn't even ask his best friend for help. He didn't feel like a coward though, because he felt that it took a lot of courage to take a life... especially your own.

The only thing he would hate about this whole situation is the fact that the one that he was in love with would see him the same way as the others.

Sam held up his letters that had taken two weeks to write. It would've been sooner, but it was hard to do it when he couldn't get away from his boyfriend. He took out his wand and whispered a spell. With a simple tap to the envelopes, the letters vanished. He made sure that the letters would go to someone who was very important to him. He had hoped that his letters would be more than a simple suicide note.

As soon as the letters were gone, he knew there was no turning back. The one who had received his letters wouldn't even see them until the morning. So, no one was going to come stop him. No one would care about the loss of a Slytherin. To the other houses, it would only mean that there was one less dark wizard in the world.

Sam bowed his head, and he prayed that he wouldn't go to Hell for this. He hoped that God would believe that he had suffered enough. He spread his arms and when one last single tear slipped down, he leaned back. As he was falling to his death, he prayed that some good would come from his letters.

He closed his eyes and whispered, "I love you, Dean."

Then... the world went dark.


	2. Letter One: Draco Malfoy

"Don't you think Professor Lupin has been acting weird these past couple of days?" asked Benny following the rest of the students out of the classroom.

Dean looked back at Remus Lupin who was asked back to replace Minerva McGonagall as Transfiguration professor. Dean was very happy with this outcome, because last year he was actually able to learn something in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It didn't matter that it was new subject, he loved having Lupin as a teacher.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Probably. I'll go ask."

He didn't make it a habit to worry so much about teachers, but he did like Lupin both as a person and teacher. As good as he was, it didn't seem right that he wasn't okay.

Benny waited for Dean at the door while he went to speak to the professor. He had been Dean's best friend since first year. He met Dean when they were walking up to be sorted into their houses. Some dick had shoved him into Dean, and when he went to yell at the kid, Dean had beaten him to the punch. After they were scolded, Benny thanked him, but Dean said it was nothing. Once they were both sorted into Gryffindor, Dean sat next to him. He asked Benny if he wanted to be friends, and when he said yes, well... nothing else was needed to be said.

"Professor?" Dean said. He wasn't really paying attention, but now that he was he could most certainly see that Lupin wasn't okay. If Dean looked close enough, it looked as if Lupin was carrying the world on his shoulders.

Professor Lupin looked up from his work. "Mr. Winchester. Do you need something?"

Dean shook his head. "No. Are you all right?"

Professor Lupin wiped his eyes, and nodded his head. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired."

Remus opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but decided against it and shut his mouth. When he opened it again, he dismissed Dean.

Knowing that it was a lie, but not wanting to bother the professor when he seemed to want to be alone, Dean did as he was told.

Benny checked his watch and his eyes widened. "Dean, class is going to start soon. I don't want to get yelled at by Snape again."

Dean rolled his eyes, and checked his watch. "We have like twenty minutes, what's the rush?"

"Nothing. I just don't want to risk being late." Benny said avoiding his gaze. He figured that it was in his best interest to change the subject since he didn't want to get anymore encouragement form Dean. "Do you really think the twins are going to try and enter the tournament?"

It was no secret that Benny had gotten together with a Slytherin, and they liked to show up early to be together without the hassle from the others. Dean had told him plenty of times to forget about the what the rest of the school would think if they both came out about their relationship. Many times since they had gotten together, Dean told him that it if the feelings between them were real, what did it matter if they were in rival houses? Of course, he said that in the most manly way he could think of.

Then again every time he told Benny this, he always got the same response, _"Confess to your Slytherin first before you start giving advice about me and mine."_

Dean allowed the change of subject and scoffed. "Is that really a question? Of course they're going to try. The question that needs to be asked is what'll happen when it doesn't work."

It didn't take long for Benny to agree. He nodded. "True. I would've totally entered if they hadn't restricted it to seventh years. Hey, did you finish the homework? I stayed up late trying to get it all done. Do you real-"

Dean stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh shit!"

Without another word to Benny, Dean ran back to his room to get his homework. He didn't go through all that trouble of completing it just to not turn it in.

* * *

Dean made it up to the common room in record time. He ran up to the sixth year dorms and saw his homework on the nightstand next to his bed. He grabbed it and shoved it into his bag. When he went to turn back around, he saw something he didn't recognize on his bed. Pulling back the curtains he found a stack of envelopes laying perfectly for him to find. Dean furrowed his brows.

Completely forgetting about his Potions class, Dean slowly sat down on the bed. He picked up the envelopes and examined them. Other than the lack of who it's for, Dean deemed them ordinary letters. Were they for him? Who would send him letters? Why were they numbered?

Dean tried to open number four, but it wouldn't open. What the hell? What kind of letter wouldn't open? Getting frustrated with the letter, he went to the first one. This one was the only one that wasn't numbered. Inside there were two pieces of parchment. One was a letter, and the other looked to be a map of some kind.

He opened the parchment with the map, and saw that it was a map of the school. It looked just like the one that he saw Fred and George have at the start of last year. He didn't understand why they would give it to Harry, but then again he figured that the 'Savior' of their world would need to have a map of the school.

He would've thought this would be the exact map that the twins had, if wasn't for the two reasons. The first being that Potter would never let that map out of his sight, and the second being that this map had circled letters at random areas of the school.

Putting the map to the side, he went to the other parchment and began to read. What he didn't know was that reading these letters were going to take him on the scariest yet most important journey of his life.

* * *

_**This is the first time I've ever done something like this, so... I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Sam Campbell. I'm fourteen years old. Not that it should matter, but with this school it does, I'm a Slytherin.** _

Dean tilt his head in confusion. He knew Sam. He- Why the hell would Sam write to him? He thought Sam hated him.

_**Uh, if you're reading this, I went through with it. Please, don't fault me for my actions without knowing the full story. It's not like I wanted to do it, but after everything that I've been going through, I had little choice. So whichever one you are, if you're reading this, then I killed myself.** _

He gasped. He shook his head in denial. This had to be a joke, right? No fucking way was this real. Sam couldn't have killed himself. Sure he hasn't seen him for some time, but that could mean anything, right? They were in different years after all. But if he were honest, Dean knew where he could run into Sam, or which way to go his class so he could see him. Or where he should sit in the Great Hall so he could see him. Or where he could go outside to catch him and his dick of a boyfriend and his group of followers hang out. He rolled his eyes. Merlin, he was a total stalker and he just barely realized it.

_**Each letter after this one will be numbered from one to thirteen. If you are reading this now, then you are one of thirteen reasons why I ended my life.** _

Dean's hands were trembling as his eyes went from word to word. This couldn't be right. What did he do to make someone... make Sam kill himself? Never in his life had he ever thought his actions, whatever they were, would drive someone such as Sam to commit suicide. He could feel tears swelling up.

 _**You are the reason why I** _ **had** _**to end my life. There are only two rules that you must follow. The first is to read every letter regardless if you read yours. The second is to send it to the next person after you. The last person... do whatever you want with them. Burn them, keep them, give them to the Headmaster... I don't care anymore. I guess I will no longer have a say. Number thirteen you had the strongest impact, which is why I made you number thirteen.** _

_**In case you are thinking about ignoring these letters, I must warn you: a certain someone who sent these letters out at the very beginning is watching you. That person has a second set to these letters and if you fail to complete your task, well... that person will make it their responsibility that the entire school knows what you thirteen people did to me to make me do this.** _

_**On a side note, I -** _

* * *

Dean had to stop. As much as he wanted to continue (even though a big part of him didn't want to), he had to get to class. He grabbed the letters and map and gently put them into his bag. Once he had everything, he high tailed it down to the dungeons.

It was the twelfth time he had checked his watch running down to Potions. He was just out of breath when he finally made it. He checked his watch one last time, and groaned when he realized that he was late. Going to Potions made him hate being a Gryffindor. He stopped at the doorway to class, and trying to catch his breath he went right in. Professor Snape was already in front of the class instructing everyone on their newest potion.

"Well, it's nice to see that you have decided to join us, Mr. Winchester." Snape sneered at him and went back to the class.

Dean fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Sorry, Professor."

"Five points from Gryffindor."

Despite his tardiness, this wasn't the first time he cost his House points, and if he knew Snape well enough it wouldn't be the last.

After that Dean tuned Snape out. He went to his seat next to Benny. He kept looking at his bag. He really needed to know what else Sam wrote. He remembered when he first saw him in his third year. He thought he was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. Not many people knew that Dean was gay, but he made sure that people didn't underestimate him because of his orientation. He could still kick ass when he needed to.

Dean ignored Benny's attempts at getting his attention. He soon gave up and went about their potion. Dean looked to the ingredients, and tried to follow them as best as he could, but his mind kept going back to Sam's letters.

Benny glanced at Dean, and saw that he was grabbing the wrong ingredient. "Dean, not yet." Dean ignored him. It looked as if Dean wasn't even there. "Dean. You don't put that in yet."

Who were the other twelve people? What did he do to Sam? If only he had the chance to tell Sam that-

"Dean, don't!" Benny went to grab his arm, but it was too late. Dean had already dropped in the Asphodel.

They only had a second to get out of the way, because as soon as Benny pushed him down to the ground, the entire cauldron exploded. Dean couldn't even fully grasp at the fact that Snape had taken away thirty points for his lack of attention.

Both boys were given detention, but Dean still didn't care all that much. Maybe when this whole thing was over, he would care; right now he couldn't. Dean was itching to get back to Sam's letters. Obviously it was important, otherwise Sam wouldn't have gone through the trouble of having these letters sent out.

* * *

"Are you all right, Dean?" Benny asked as they made their way to their last class.

Dean very much wanted to tell Benny about the letters, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He felt like if he did, he would be betraying Sam's final wishes. He felt that whatever was written on these letters, whatever they said, was only between Sam and all thirteen people. Not to mention the mysterious person Sam had chosen. Damn. He felt like this was a secret club. A club that he had no choice but to join.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Dean stopped walking. "Go on ahead. I forgot something back in Potions."

Benny narrowed his eyes at Dean. There was a reason why they were best friends, but this was one of those times that Benny knew that Dean needed time to himself. Whatever that was bothering him, he would come to him if he needed to. He nodded to Dean and waved goodbye.

Dean knocked on the door to Potions, and when he heard Snape allow him to enter, he did. Other than the Slytherins and the Headmaster, Snape would be the only that would know about Sam.

"What do you want, Mr. Winchester?" asked Snape not even bothering to look up from his paperwork. "If you're trying to get out of detention, don't bother."

Dean rolled his eyes. Such a wonderful man he was. He cleared his throat. "No, sir. I was wondering, um, do you know if something has happened to Sam Campbell?"

Snape stopped writing, but still didn't look up. "What do you want?" he forced out.

Dean couldn't deny that he heard, for the first time since ever, emotion in Snape's voice. He could see Snape was gripping his quill very tightly. He tried to keep his voice calm and collected. "Where is Sam?"

Snape slowly looked up. "Mr. Campbell has passed away not too long ago."

Dean felt like his heart was being squeezed violently. It felt like someone kicked him in the chest and knocked the wind out of him. It was true. Sam was dead.

"Why weren't the students told?" He would think that if a student has died, that the Headmaster would tell the school. It was only right that the whole school know and mourn.

Snape scoffed and looked him dead in the eye. "He's a Slytherin, Mr. Winchester, why do you think? Besides, his parents have ordered the Headmaster not to tell the students. Not even my House knows. Now I have work to do. Leave."

* * *

Dean had decided to skip his last class, and made his way to Room of Requirement. He needed to be alone, and what better room than one that's not even on the map? He had found the room in his third year, and has been using it ever since whenever he needed to be alone. The only one that knew about his finding was of course Benny, and his girl. He knew that since because they were from the Houses they were in, they didn't get that much time alone, so it was the least he could do.

Sitting down on a couch that the Room provided, he pulled out the letter and continued. He was fighting very hard against his tears. He still couldn't believe that he was reading the words that Sam wrote just before he died. How long after did Sam kill himself? How long was he planning this? What was even more terrible was that for some unknown reason, he shared a part in ending Sam's life. He helped twelve other people kill a person... someone that was important to him. Someone who didn't even know of his importance. Dean would rather spend his entire life in Azkaban, be tortured by Voldemort, kissed by a thousand Dementors, then Sam dead.

_**On a side note, I want you all to keep in mind, that even though it's too late for me, that you're words and actions do make an impact on someone whether it's small or not... good or bad.** _

_**Before I forget, while you're reading, the next letter will not open until you have read the previous. Just in case you decide to skip ahead. Also, in each letter, I will guide you through the school to certain areas that will help you understand what's going on. For that, you don't have to go to each point, but you never know... you might learn something.** _

* * *

Dean laid the map on his lap and pulled out the envelope with the number one on it. Was it wrong that he was terrified of what he'll read? He could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Was it selfish that he wanted his heart to give out so he wouldn't know what was written? The more he read, the more he felt his world breaking around him.

He shook his head, and wiped the tears away roughly. Dean had to do this. He didn't think he could handle this, but he had to do this. Was he number one? Three? Seven? Thirteen? Merlin, please don't let me be number thirteen.

_**Thank you for coming to the next letter. I really do appreciate it. I don't like the idea that anyone was responsible for having such a strong impact on me, but it was only right that regardless if I'm dead that you know what you did.** _

Was this him? Please, don't let this be him.

_**So, Draco Malfoy, I start with you. Don't be too surprised that you're first... I wasn't. Draco, my abuser in every way, my tormentor... my boyfriend. Now that I'm no longer alive, I finally have the courage to tell you and twelve other people what it was really like being with you. And now that there's the threat that if you don't read this, that a certain someone will share this with everyone... well, you have no choice but to read. Merlin, do I wish I was there to see your face.** _

* * *

Fucking Draco?! What did Sam mean? Abuser? Draco fucking abused Sam? How dare he hurt what was his! Sam was his and no one was worthy enough to touch what was his. True, Dean had no real claim over Sam, but if his fantasies were anything to go by, he had all the more claim than anyone else.

Dean was already getting pissed and he hasn't even finished the letter. He took a deep breath trying and trying over and over to get himself under control. He couldn't lose himself to his temper before he read everything Sam had to say.

Dean smirked. It was funny how at times he could be as gay as they came, while other times he could be the most badass Gryffindor anyone could think of him. Countless times since he's come to learn and accept himself as gay, he's had to put many people in their places and it wasn't always with the use of magic.

He's not one to brag about his magic, but he always learned faster than the rest of his peers. Since he was raised with muggle parents, he wasn't stupid to think that magic was the only way to fight against your enemies. Which was probably why he only had a small number of friends, and a shit load of enemies.

He shook his thoughts away. This was what he hated about himself: always drifting off when there was more important things. Like for instance, Sam's letters. The upside was that at least he wasn't as angry and wanting to kill Draco.

Taking a deep breath, he went back to the letter. He had to skip over the first part. He couldn't bring himself to reread it in fear that he would abandon the letters and murder Malfoy.

* * *

_**I remember when you first asked me out. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't happy. You told me you really liked me and said that it would be good for me if you said yes. First point on the map is marked with the letter A. Go find it, otherwise stay where you are, that way you have a better picture on what it was like.** _

Dean took out the map, and looked for the letter A. It was the Great Hall. He packed up his things without really thinking about it. As he made it to the door, he hesitated. Was he really going to go out in public and read these letters? It felt like something he should be doing in private. He sighed. It's not like he had to go to each point on the map. Sam did say that all he had to do was read the letters, and pass it on to whoever was after him.

No! Sam wanted everyone to go to each point on the map, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered with it. He didn't know what the others did, but he wasn't going to ignore it. If Sam wanted him to go to each point he would. He was one of the reasons Sam killed himself, so he would just have to suck it up.

Making sure that no one else was around, he closed the door and made his way down to the Great Hall. Other than saying a few words to his friends and fellow Gryffindors, it didn't take that long to make it to his destination.

Dean looked around and saw that the tables were made to accommodate the Goblet of Fire in the center of the Hall. He watched as seventh years from every House put their names into the Goblet. He wondered if the twins already tried. That was something he would have loved to see.

As he sat down at the top of the bleachers in the far back, he saw that Fred and George were making their way in. They were waving their pieces of parchment, obviously with their names on it. Dean smiled and clapped with the others.

He rolled his eyes when Hermione went off again. It was one thing to be smart and do well in school, but it was another thing to be a smart ass and rub it in everyone's faces. He couldn't deny that the girl was nice and helpful, but he probably would've strangled her if he had to constantly be around her. He had to give Weasley and Potter credit for restraining themselves. Then again he figured that it helped when either you had a crush on her or you saved her from a troll.

The twins took out their Aging Potion, and was about to swallow when he had to say something. "Guys, I don't make it a habit to agree with Granger over here, but I might have to make an exception."

The twins looked at him and smirked. They drank down the potion, and jumped right in. When nothing happened, they gloated and basked in the applause. George turned to him, "Must you keep doubting our skills?"

Dean ignored them and went to Sam's letter.

* * *

_**When you asked me out, or rather told me to be yours, I won't deny that I was really hesitant on saying yes. Being the only Slytherin in my family, I couldn't help but feel alone. Not only were my family all Ravenclaws and Gryffindors, I had no say in our House. Now that I'm dead...** _

Dean really wished he would stop writing that.

_**I can be honest. I really didn't want to say yes. In no way did I want to go out with you. In our first year, you were a total jerk. You were arrogant, rude and a total idiot. I really don't understand how you thought for one second that you would be able to pass school and get what you want just because of what your last name is.** _

_**That was the one thing I really hated about this school, even before I came here. Everyone either wants to be your friend or steer clear of you just because of your last name. I mean, come on! I don't care who your family is. I don't care of your status. How I was put into Slytherin is beyond me. I only wished I was able to ask the Hat before I died.** _

Please, stop saying that.

_**Anyway, back on topic. No, Draco, I really didn't want to go out with you. Why I did is very complicated yet very simple. I was alone. I wasn't the type of guy who had others falling at my feet wanting to be with me. All those that I had a crush on rejected me not even trying to give me a chance. I'm not that much different from other people. I wanted someone to like me. I wanted someone to love me. I wanted... to be wanted.** _

I wanted you Sam, Dean thought, more than anything.

_**Even though I didn't like it, nor want it... I said yes. I agreed, because you were the first one to ever express that you wanted me. I was foolish, but I wanted someone. I was tired of being alone. Sadly, the one that I really wanted had no idea I was even there. I didn't exist to him. I was a nobody to him, when all I wanted was to be his somebody. As horrible as it is to say, I settled for you Draco.** _

NO! You were not a nobody. Dammit, Sam! I wanted you to be mine. I needed to be yours.

_**I guess I could've waited longer, or even made myself known to him, but I was too scared. Too scared he would say no. You said you liked me... you said you wanted me. I'm ashamed to admit that my wants were overpowering my needs. I wanted to be wanted, but I needed him.** _

* * *

Dean's hands were shaking. In his mind, Sam could be talking about anyone, but in his heart Sam was talking about him. If his heart was right, then it was breaking. If Sam was talking about someone else, that someone didn't deserve Sam. If Sam was talking about him, then... neither did he.

The next part of his letter tells of another point on it, which was in the dungeons. Dean had a pretty good idea where it was, and if he was right then he knew that he would never be able to go down there. He figured that he could sneak in, or follow some Slytherin inside, but in the end Dean decided to just stay.

_**So, either you're in the Slytherin common room, or you're from another House and you can't get in. Either way it doesn't matter. Well... to me it doesn't matter.** _

_**Draco, I can point out so many things that you did to me that would be reason enough for you to be on here, but to be honest... most of them weren't. Actually, there was only ever one topic in our relationship that made me want to commit suicide. It happened so much, that it was almost routine. After awhile, sadly I got used to it.** _

_**I'll give you an example. Knowing you as well as I do, I know you don't remember. So, let me refresh your memory. It was around the time Ron Weasley got his Howler. Everyone around, but some of the muggle borns, knew what that was. Everyone was laughing at him, and I couldn't help but laugh too. I didn't do it, because I was laughing at him, but because it reminded me of when I got mine the previous year. Anyone could agree that it's funny when it's not you receiving one.** _

_**Anyway, while everyone was listening to his Howler, my attention was somewhere else. Do you remember now? Do you remember what happened? Do you remember what you did? I do. I remember very well. To everyone else who doesn't know, I'll tell you.** _

_**Remember that guy I told you about that I loved? Well, I was looking at him again. Merlin, do I wish he looked at me the way I did him. I wished he smiled at me the way he did. The way his eyes would light up. If he were to just look at me with that signature smile, I would die happy. I guess you could tell who was the 'girl' in our relationship.** _

Dean couldn't agree with that. Sam was more of a man than Malfoy will ever be.

_**Little did I know, you were watching me. You knew very well who I was staring at. I thought I was hiding it well, but after what happened, I know I didn't. For everyone else, after breakfast, Draco dragged me back to his room, which would later become ours and he yelled at me.** _

_**You pushed me into the room and you said, "I know you were looking at him again."** _

_**I tried to deny it, I really did, but you didn't believe me. This wasn't the first time you yelled at me, so I wasn't really all that concerned about it. But it was what happened after that would later become an everyday thing. You hit me... well more like slapped me really hard. Hard enough I fell to the ground.** _

Dean couldn't deny that he was seeing red. His hands were shaking and for the love of all that was holy, he couldn't stop. He was reading Sam's words. He was reading Sam tell them all that he was hurt by someone who should've considered himself lucky that he could call Sam his. He rubbed his face. He was only sixteen, but he felt so old and tired. He chuckled. He was only on the first letter. If he was already getting angry on letter one, what was he going to be like when he came to letter thirteen?

Just as he was going to go back to the letter, he saw something at the corner of his eye... or rather someone. Someone with blond hair. A Slytherin. He took a deep breath. He couldn't go after Malfoy. Yet. Sam's letters were more important. He forced his gaze back to Sam's letter.

* * *

_**Call me crazy, but it wasn't that bad. If it meant that I could look at him, and wished that it was him that I was sitting next to, then I didn't care if you hit me. You could've hurt me so bad I wouldn't be able to get back up. He was worth it.** _

Dean shook his head. Don't say that Sam. No one is worth getting hit over.

_**It's funny. You hit me repeatedly. You yelled at me like I was your child, and yet... things still weren't that bad. Maybe I'm insane for saying that, but it's true. The hitting, and the yelling were nothing. Honestly, I didn't care what you did to me. My eyes were on him, not you.** _

_**Do you remember that time in our second year, that you caught me looking at him again, and you dragged me back to the common room? It wasn't our room like the other times, now it was where everyone could see us. But it still wasn't that bad.** _

_**You pushed me down, and started yelling at me. You called me names, and insulted my family. What I never understood was why you still stayed with me. You knew I was in love with someone else, you knew I didn't feel that way about you, yet we were still together. You know why I stayed with you, yet why did you stay with me? I guess I'll never know.** _

_**I remember the student's gathered around us watching. You pulled my hair and screamed at me, "You are mine. If I ever see you look at him again, I will destroy his life."** _

_**My heart almost stopped at hearing those words. I knew you weren't lying. With the power and money your family has, I knew that you could and would do that. You and I both know what his status was, and where your family stood on that. I know that you remember what I did, but as for the rest of you, you want to know what I did?** _

_**I said, "I promise I will never look at him again."** _

_**Although that was hard for me to say, even though my love for him would never let me keep that promise, that still wasn't the reason why you're even on this list.** _

* * *

Dean couldn't believe it. He's never felt so angry in all his life. The amount of anger that was boiling inside him wasn't compared to the fights he's gotten into. It wasn't compared to the anger he felt toward certain teachers. No. This was on a whole new level. Dean scoffed. He was so angry that this wasn't even on a level.

He looked toward Malfoy talking with his friends. The seventh years had stopped coming in to put their names in. Dean was staring at Malfoy long enough for one of his followers to let him know that he was being watched. When Malfoy met his gaze, he had that usual sneering look. Dean had never hated him more than he did right now. Before it was just mutual hatred. He hated him for looking at him like Dean was beneath him, and for the fact that he was able to ask Sam out before him.

That all changed when he looked down at the letter in Dean's hands. That sneering look on his face was wiped off. No one other than Dean noticed that Malfoy was no longer looking like he usually did. Now he looked afraid. When Malfoy looked up at him, Dean knew. He knew exactly what Dean was reading.

Malfoy got up with his friends following behind him, out of the Great Hall. Dean smirked. Yeah, that's right, Dean thought. Run, you fucking coward.

* * *

Dean could see that he was almost done with the letter, but it felt like it would never end. He felt like Sam was going to tell about everything that Malfoy did to him. If Sam did that, Dean knew he would never make it to the last letter. Hell, he would never make it the second, because he would be sent to Azkaban for murder.

He didn't even notice when his best friend came up to him.

"Hey, dude. Where were you? You didn't show up to our last class?" Benny asked sitting next to him.

Dean groaned. As much as he loved Benny, he just wanted to be left alone. "Not now, Benny. I want to be left alone."

Benny snorted. "I _have_ left you alone. I know something's up, so spill."

Dean didn't bother looking at him. "It's none of your business. Fuck off."

"Look, I don't know what the hell's gotten into you, but I'm your best friend. Tell me what's going on."

Dean loved that Benny was a great friend, but right now that's not what he needed. Right now... it's not what he wanted. He growled. "I'm not going to tell you again, Benny. Leave or you'll find yourself on your ass with a bloody nose crying for your mother."

There was silence between them, and Dean didn't think he would leave. He found himself ready to go through with his threat, but Benny got up without a word. He knew he was being a jerk, but he was too angry. He lifted up his letter, when he felt someone stand at the side of the bleachers below him.

"Never thought I would see you threaten Laffite."

Dean sighed. "What the hell do you want, Cas?"

Castiel was in Ravenclaw, and in the same year. He was once very good friends with him, but he was always stuck in some book. After awhile, they drifted apart. Then Benny became his only best friend. He figured it was because last year, Castiel had confessed his feelings for him, but Dean had turned him down. It wasn't like he wasn't attracted to him, because he was. He even thought about going out with him, but he knew it wouldn't be real. He couldn't do that to him. They both knew that his heart and soul belonged to another. He belonged to Sam through and through.

Castiel shrugged. "Just wanted to know what crawled up your ass and died."

Dean smirked, but it fell from his face. "Old friends or not, I will put you on your ass. I want to be left alone." When Castiel still didn't move, Dean growled even louder. "Walk away, Cas."

Castiel didn't seem bothered by his words in the slightest. He just walked off. Dean knew that he would have to apologize to both of them, but right now he just wanted to get through this hopefully not in detention, or prison.

* * *

_**The yelling and abuse wasn't that bad. I am positive I would've been able to put up with that. You all want to know the worst part? Draco, do you want to know the real reason why you're even on my list? No? Too bad.** _

_**This might seem silly and stupid to most of you, but it wasn't to me. This was the first domino. I don't mean to blame you Draco or the rest of you, but after what has happened... it's kind of hard not to.** _

_**The worst part of my relationship with you is what happened at the beginning of last year. Do you remember, Draco? I remember like it was yesterday. I kept my word to you that I would never look at him again. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do, because all I ever wanted to do was look at him, and pretend it was him that I was with. Maybe I'm messed up in the head after everything you did to me, but if I had to choose who to be hit and yelled at by, well... it ain't really a choice. If it was him, I would enjoy every strike. I love him enough to welcome every hit and hurtful word.** _

I would never hurt you Sam. I would welcome death before I could ever hurt you.

_**Anyway, because I couldn't look at him, I found myself with a diary. Everything in there were words of my love for him. I had pictures that I stole, or had my best friend take for me. I even paid Colin Creevey to take pictures of him for me. It was the only way I could see him. The only way I could have him with me. It was my most precious possession. It was something that represented my love for him.** _

_**Then came the day that you found it. Your friends came and got me in the only class we didn't have together, and told me you wanted to see me. I didn't think anything of it. When I got to your room, you were holding it. My heart just dropped.** _

_**You said, "What is this?"** _

_**I didn't speak. I couldn't. If I spoke you would most likely hit me. If I demanded it back, you would hit me. But I didn't do either of those things, and you know what? You still hit me. It wasn't anything that hasn't already happened. I didn't care. My face would heal. My soul would heal, because he would heal it for me. The marks would fade.** _

_**"What the hell is this?" you asked me.** _

_**For the life of me, I couldn't say anything. My focus was the diary. You pulled my hair, and pushed me to the bed. I don't want to go into detail. Just know that that was the day I lost my virginity... or more like it was taken from me.** _

Oh, Merlin, no. Dean could feel his eyes stinging.

_**Maybe I am the girl of our relationship, because I wanted my first time to be special. To mean something. I wanted it to be with someone I love and who loves me. I wanted it to be with him. I wanted to be able to say that he was my first, and that it was beautiful. I wanted to be able to replay it over and over. Even if it were only one time... even if he forgot about me the next day, I wanted my first time to be with him, but you took that from me.** _

Dean sniffed.

* * *

_**If you all could see me now. You would all think I've gone insane, because I'm laughing my ass off. I'm laughing because I still haven't gotten to the worst part of that day. Being raped was bad and it was horrible and I knew damn well that it would take time for me to move on from that, but it was what happened after that made you be my number one reason.** _

_**Once you pulled out of me, and you were by no means gentle, you grabbed my diary. I'm sorry to say that I had forgotten about it. I was only able to focus on the pain. I tried to get off the bed. I tried to grab it, but I felt too weak. I saw you pull out your wand and you pointed it at my diary, and you set it on fire.** _

_**It was bad enough I couldn't look at him. It was bad enough that you threatened him. It was bad enough you raped me. All I wanted was to have something to myself. I just wanted something that could keep me from doing this. That diary was keeping me from doing what I did. I just wanted something that would allow me to pretend I was happy. That diary kept me sane.** _

_**Every day since you first hurt me, I've wanted to kill myself. But I didn't, because that diary made me believe that we wouldn't last forever. That diary made me believe that one day I would have the courage to break up with you damn all your threats. That diary made me believe that I could be loved by the one who stole my heart when I first laid eyes on him.** _

_**I don't care if I could've made another one, because that wasn't the point. I didn't care how many times you told me he would never love me... never return my feelings, because deep down I believed that one day I would be his. Not only did that diary represent my love for him but it represented hope that I would have a better future... to be a better me... and you set it on fire. You set my hope on fire.** _

* * *

_**Maybe I'm being unfair. It would be wrong to say that nothing good happened between us. There were the small declarations of love you gave me, even though deep down it was only just to make me stay, and it worked. I wanted you to keep saying you love me. I wanted to be loved by someone.** _

I love you, Sam.

_**You know, I was wrong. I do know why you stayed with me. You stayed because of the power you had over me. You enjoyed what you could do to me. You enjoyed my reactions. You enjoyed hurting me.** _

_**After that, your room became our room. You left to bring in my things in there. While you were gone, I was able to put out the fire and save what was left of my hope. I sent it off to a special location. I know what you're all thinking: I saved the diary, so the first domino didn't fall, but you're wrong. What was left of it, was only one line. That line said, "I love him so much." But it wasn't enough. The first domino had fallen.** _

* * *

Dean had to turn away from the students near him. He couldn't stop the flood gates. The tears wouldn't stop. He tried to stop them, but they just kept coming. He got up and walked around the bleachers to hide.

He looked down at the letter not being able to read it again. Dean knew without a doubt that it was him that Sam loved. He wished that he would've listened to Benny when he told him to confess his feelings to Sam. Maybe then, Dean wouldn't be reading this. Maybe then... Sam would be alive.

After some time, Dean had gotten a hold of himself. Every fiber of his being demanded that he go after Malfoy. His whole being wanted revenge. He wanted... no he needed to kill him. If anyone were to look Dean in the eyes they would only see one thing: murder. Reading this letter, Dean knew that he would never finish this year. He knew that by the end of this year, he's going to be in Azkaban for murder. He didn't care about justice, he just wanted revenge.

Remembering that he had twelve more letters to read, Dean knew that Malfoy wasn't going to be the only one on his list. Come the end of all this, Dean Winchester is going to be responsible for twelve counts of murder.

Dean made his way out of the Great Hall not caring in the least that everyone went quiet when Krum came to enter into the tournament. He rolled his eyes at their stupidity. Not knowing that a pair of eyes were watching him go, Dean left.

The one that he loved was dead. He knew one of thirteen reasons why that was true. After he knew who else was on Sam's list, he was going out for blood. He didn't care who they were, by the end of this year twelve people were going to die at his hands.


	3. Letter Three: Luna Lovegood

By the time Dean gets back to his dorm, his anger has calmed down. He isn't quite as angry as he is hurt. He feels selfish for feeling this way when it's Sam that was hurt. Far more hurt than anyone should ever feel. He couldn't understand why someone would hurt him. He knew that Malfoy was an asshole, but he didn't think the guy was capable of abuse and rape.

Dean fell back on his bed and shut his eyes. All that anger he felt left him exhausted. Even though he wasn't as angry, he was still hell bent on going through what he said he would. No matter what, he was going to kill Malfoy and everyone else that was responsible for Sam's suicide. He didn't think he would grow up to become a murderer, but for Sam... he would do anything.

Logic and morals told him that the right thing to do would be to report Malfoy and everyone else to the Headmaster, and let justice take care of it. Being raised by muggles, Dean was always taught that no matter how hard it was, one must always do the right thing. Even if no one else stood by you, doing the right thing was far more important than doing what was easy.

The thing is, Dean didn't want to do the right thing. It didn't matter if he was only sixteen and Sam was only fourteen, Dean was in love with him. Regardless if Sam didn't come out and say who it was that he was in love with, Dean felt it. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but it was what Dean believed. Even if he wasn't the one Sam loved, Dean was in love with him. He was still going to go through with what he felt needed to be done.

Dean loved Sam more than he ever thought possible, so because of that love he was going to seek revenge on every single person that hurt Sam. When it was all over and done with, Dean would gladly turn himself in, and live with what he's done. Death was too easy for him. Even though Dean didn't know exactly what he had done to earn a place on Sam's list, Dean knew that it was his fault that Sam was even dead in the first place. If he had just listened to Benny and told Sam what he was feeling, then maybe Sam would be happy and alive.

He felt tears stinging his eyes, and before he could stop it they came out. It wasn't as strong as it was in the Great Hall, but it was just as painful. Sam was dead, and Dean wanted nothing more than to be given a second chance. He wanted a chance to be there for Sam, and claim him. He swore that if he had known, he would be more than willing to spend the rest of his life making Sam smile every day.

If he had known Sam was suicidal, Dean would spend every day of their lives making Sam as happy as he could be. If he had known, he would've -

"Figured that we would be much older before you had your first meltdown."

Dean didn't need to open his eyes to know who it was. Before he could say anything, he heard the door open and close. He was alone once again. He didn't know how he felt about that. Maybe he should've thought twice about thinking that he didn't need a friend.

* * *

When he was calm enough, Dean grabbed the next letter along with the map. He was about to read it, when he felt his stomach growl. He groaned. He didn't want anymore interruptions. He just wanted to get through the letters and go on his killing spree. He didn't care one bit that it wouldn't bring Sam back, but at least Sam would know wherever he was that everyone who had hurt him had been dealt with.

"Sorry, Sam," he whispered to the letter. "I have to keep up my strength if I'm going to get through this."

This time when he was making his way down to dinner, Dean ignored everyone who said hello to him or wanted to speak with him. Right now, he just wanted to get something into his system and continue with this heart breaking journey.

As he followed the other students, he saw a head of blonde hair. Seeing who that hair belonged to, he picked up his pace. When he was close enough, he purposely pushed him. Hard enough to fall into his followers. Everyone around who saw stopped. Dean hated it when students wanted to see drama.

Malfoy righted himself out. He obviously didn't see who it was that shoved him. He looked around until his heart skipped a beat. His eyes widened in fear at seeing him stand in front of him. Trying to keep up appearances, he brushed off his robes and put on his signature look like he was better than everyone else.

"What the hell was that for? How dare you touch me you filthy disgusting Mudblood," Malfoy spat at him. He pulled out his wand, but didn't point it at him.

Dean ignored all the looks they both received. He didn't go for his wand. He didn't need it. Dean ignored the insult not caring in the least of what he was called. He didn't understand why so many muggle borns cried when they were called that. It was just a word. Dean knew he was special and worth something when he found out he could do magic. He didn't go around shoving it in his family's faces since they couldn't do what he could. He was proud of his muggle family, and his magic. He was just ashamed that none of the others were as well.

He sneered at Malfoy. He could see a couple teachers making their way to them. He shook his head, "What's the matter, Malfoy? Can't take what you dish out?" He turned his back on him before he did something he was going to regret doing too soon.

Dean could tell by the look on Malfoy's face that he hit a nerve. "Why, you- Defindo!"

Dean heard the spell, and everyone's gasps. He was about to pull out his wand, but a shield was conjured and blocked the spell. Since he was a sixth year, he had been working on wordless magic. He could do a few spells here and there, but he was much better at wandless magic than he was wordless. The color of the shield wasn't his own. It was an ocean blue while his was an emerald green. He looked around to find the caster, but no one stepped forward.

Snape had taken that moment to make his appearance. The crowd dispersed but a few students were staring at Dean. He was of course given another detention, but he didn't care. It wasn't as if he was going to go. Sam's letters were more important than some silly detention. He glared at Malfoy before joining the others.

Dean sat at his usual spot, but he didn't speak to anyone and no one seemed to speak to him. Which was fine by him; he wasn't in the mood to pretend like everything was fine. He looked around and spotted Malfoy eating his food. While Dean and Malfoy were glaring at each other, he didn't realize that he was being watched... and it wasn't by a teacher.

* * *

As Dean finished his food, he went to go make his way out. All throughout dinner, all he kept hearing were people talking about the tournament. Before the letters showed up, he was actually quite excited just like everyone else. He was looking forward to seeing the challenges, and to root for the Hogwarts Champion. He just wanted a normal school year. He didn't want to hear about the Golden Trio stopping another evil or how much they broke the rules and cost their House more points. Obviously that wasn't going to be this year. Was it strange that even though he wanted a normal school year, he wasn't upset that it wouldn't be this year?

While the other students were worrying about the tournament, Dean was worried about the letters. He wanted to know why he was on there already. He wanted to get his over with. Maybe he would already know if the letters weren't sealed until the previous was read. In a way he was glad because he wanted to do exactly what Sam wanted him to do.

He frowned. Why couldn't something go right for him in the way of love? He wanted everything Sam wanted. He knew deep down that if there was anything in the world that would give him another chance at Sam, he would take it in a heartbeat. He loved his magic, and that it was a part of him. Dean loved Sam so much that if it would bring Sam back, he would be more than willing give up his magic.

He stopped when he heard that it was time to find out who the champions were going to be. He groaned. He had forgotten it was already around the time that the names would be announced. He figured that he would hear about it later, so there was no need to stay. But then he heard that everyone was to stay and listen.

"Dammit," Dean said under his breath. "This better not fucking take too long."

* * *

Dean stayed in the back, and leaned up against the wall as he watched Dumbledore dim the room. Despite him wanting to continue the letters, he couldn't deny that he was slightly interested in who it was going to be just like everyone else. When the Goblet shot out the first name, he waited.

Just when he was about to hear who was the first champion, he felt someone stand beside him. He didn't have to look to see who it was. The atmosphere around him already told him exactly who it was. He wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone at the moment.

"What do you want?" Dean asked as he saw Viktor Krum shake Dumbledore's hand.

Castiel chuckled shaking his head. "Why is it that every time I come over to you, you think I want something?"

Dean turned to him, "Don't you? We haven't spoken to each other since last year, now out of nowhere you come up to me like we're friends." He turned his whole body to face him. "We're not friends anymore, Cas. We stopped being friends when you stopped hanging out with me because I couldn't go out with you."

Castiel just stared back at him like he wasn't bothered by what Dean was saying. "I still love you, Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes. "My feelings haven't changed in the last three years, and they're not going to change just because you love me. Maybe in another life we could've been. Maybe if Sam never came to this school I could've fallen for you, but he did. I belong to Sam in every way."

Castiel leaned into Dean's face. Dean could swear that Castiel wanted to kiss him, but he didn't move. Castiel's gaze never left his, and Dean never looked away. Castiel was very close to his lips when he stopped. He whispered, "Then where is he?"

It was bad enough that he knew what happened to Sam, but to hear something that reminded him of it only angered him. He shoved Castiel away staring daggers at him.

"Be thankful we were once friends, otherwise you will have first hand knowledge how far more deadly being raised with muggles can be. But know this," Dean walked up to him and pushed him against the wall. His face was only inches away from Castiel's, "If you speak about Sam once more, I have no problems making it thirteen."

Dean didn't care that Castiel would have no idea what that meant, the only thing that mattered was that _he_ did. They heard Cedric Diggory's name being called. Now he could leave. The three champions have been chosen. He went to turn away when Dumbledore spoke to the students. He didn't care what the old man was saying. He was angered with the Headmaster just as much as he was with Malfoy... just as much as he was going to be with the remaining eleven.

The Headmaster should've known what was going on. He should know what goes on in his school. He should know everything that happens to keep his students safe. Dean had a feeling why the Headmaster either didn't know or ignored it, and that only made him furious.

He stopped in his tracks when the Goblet lit up and shot out another name. He furrowed his brows. Wasn't there only supposed to be three? He was just as confused as the other students. He was just about to sit down when the Headmaster called out the fourth.

"Harry Potter!"

Dean rolled his eyes once again. Unlike the rest of the students and the staff, he wasn't surprised. Every year since the kid showed up something has happened. Why would this year be any different?

He shook his head, "Only makes sense that our 'Savior' be entered into the tournament."

Sitting down, he watched as Potter slowly made his way to Dumbledore. By the looks on his face, Dean could see that he had no knowledge of his name being entered.

* * *

As soon as Potter went down with the other three champions, protests from all over broke out. He sat where he was in case he had to leave to another location. He just hoped that it was somewhere he could actually go to. He pulled out the letter and braced himself. He already knew that his anger was going to shoot through the roof, so he took several deep breaths.

_**When I made the list of people that were going to be included, I was very surprised on who I came up with. Okay, I was only surprised about certain people. I mean, no one would expect that she did something to me. Even I had to go back and be sure that this wasn't a mistake. But nope... no mistake.** _

Dean didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed that this wasn't him. Disappointed only because he would have to wait that much longer. It was strange how he had been wanting to get his letter over with, but he was relieved that it wasn't his turn yet. He wanted to get his over with, but he knew that he wasn't ready.

* * *

_**When I first got on the train, I had hoped and prayed like hell that I would make friends. I needed them as much as I needed air. I didn't want to be alone. I was already feeling so much pressure from my family to be placed in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. Honestly, I didn't care where I was put. Hell I could've been placed in Hufflepuff, and I would've been happy. I just wanted friends. One friend would've been enough.** _

_**In my first year... nothing. I didn't have friends. I thought I did... I thought I had made friends, but I was wrong. I guess it was mostly because I was a Slytherin, and one that didn't even come from a family of Slytherins. So not even my House seemed eager to be my friend.** _

_**But then in my second year, I met her. She seemed so nice and gentle. It didn't seem like she cared about what House I was in or who my family was. When I first spoke to her, I thought, "Finally! I have a friend." You wouldn't believe how happy I was.** _

_**If you were to look up the word friend, you would find, "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."** _

_**That's what I wanted... that's what I thought I had with her. After I started going out with Draco, things weren't to the point I had to be with him all the time... at least not for some time. So I was able to talk to her. It felt nice.** _

_**Just by that definition, friends are supposed to stick by you and be there for you. If not, why lie and say your friends at all?** _

* * *

_**Now don't get me wrong, I didn't expect everyone I called a friend to be like that, I wasn't stupid. Despite me dreaming of being with him everyday since I first saw him, I knew how to be realistic, but I did expect that after some time when you build a level of trust, you can expect that, right?** _

_**So, what happened? Why did you do that to me? I thought you of all people wanted a friend just like me. So you're next... Luna Lovegood.** _

Dean gasped.

* * *

Dean sat there listening to everyone complain and protest that Potter was able to enter when none of the other underage students were able to. He rolled his eyes. As the teachers went down with the champions, Dean went to the letter.

Out everyone he expected to be on this list, Luna wasn't even on his mind. He only ever spoken to Luna maybe once or twice, and when he did she was a very sweet girl. When he spoke to her, he could see where people would get the idea that she was loony, but he thought that's what made her unique. She would tell him that he had some kind of creature in his ear. He humored her and said that he would go to the Hospital Wing to get it checked out.

To think that she played a part in Sam's death. He rubbed his forehead feeling tired. He couldn't believe that such a sweet girl was a part of this. He shook his head. No. It didn't matter if she was a sweet girl or how unique she was, the point was that for whatever reason, she was on this list. Whatever she did hurt Sam enough to earn a place with the rest of them.

* * *

_**Luna, I didn't want you to be on this list. I tried to find someone else that played a part in this to take your place, but I couldn't. Not because I couldn't find anyone (believe me, I found others), but because I couldn't let you off the hook when I didn't let the others off. That wouldn't be very fair, would it? I can't let you live your life without knowing that you were a part of this.** _

Dean sighed heavily. What did I do to you Sam?

_**I know you know what you did to earn your place on here, and maybe it wasn't as serious as Draco's. In fact I know it isn't. What you did isn't as bad as being raped or seeing your hopes set on fire. But I want you and everyone else to understand, that nothing no matter how big or small, good or bad is without consequences.** _

_**Let's backtrack. I don't want to explain what you did and what it caused without letting you know how I felt when we met and everything in between. You didn't listen to me when it could've made a huge difference, so you owe me that much to listen to me now.** _

_**When I met you, I have to say I was happy. When you spoke to me even knowing what House I was in, I thought we were going to be friends. I saw you being picked on by others, most of them were from my own House. I saw that you didn't have friends. You did speak to other girls, but I could tell they weren't your friends. I didn't care that you were a girl, I just knew you needed a friend just as much as I did, and I wanted to be that friend.** _

_**Go to the next point.** _

* * *

Dean checked the map, and saw that it was Transfiguration. He furrowed his brows. What could've happened there? Dean shrugged his shoulders. Right now it didn't matter. If Sam wanted him to go there, then he would. He ignored the students still talking amongst themselves.

As he was walking down to Transfiguration, he could feel his heart beating. What happened there that would have such an imprint on Sam's life? What did Luna do there? He bit his lip preventing himself from crying. He was tired of crying. He just wanted the hurt to be over.

He finally made it to Lupin's classroom. He went to open the door, but it was locked. He frowned. He peered inside and didn't see anyone. He rolled his eyes. Of course there wouldn't be anyone in there. He was with the other teachers.

He leaned against the wall and slid down. If he couldn't go inside, then he would just have to stay here. It was the best that he was going to be able to do.

* * *

**_So, hopefully you're at Transfiguration. Luna, do you remember when I first told you I was gay? I remember I asked you if you were okay with it. I laughed at your response. Do you remember what you said._ **

**_You said, "What's that?"_ **

**_I thought you were joking, but from the way you were looking at me, I could tell you weren't. So even though I thought it was funny, I explained it to you. I told you that being gay is when you like a person of the same gender. So for me, it was me liking another boy._ **

**_When I told you that, you smiled brightly. If I didn't love him, or guys in general, I think maybe I could've liked you. You were pretty, you were nice, and you liked me even though I was a Slytherin. Maybe if I wasn't gay, I could've... no... that's not true. Because even if I didn't see him when I first walked through the Great Hall, or became your friend first before I saw him and we grew to like each other, he would still be out there._ **

I'm still here, Sam.

**_Anyway, you told me that you didn't mind. You said, "If you like another boy, and that made you happy then so am I."_ **

**_Right there, I knew you would be my friend._ **

Dean couldn't help but smile. He was happy for Sam, because even though he wanted nothing more than to have gone up to him and became his friend, he was glad that someone else was able to. If anyone needed a friend, he knew it was Sam. He felt extremely guilty at that, because if he hadn't been so scared that could've been him.

Maybe that was why he didn't deserve Sam's love and devotion.

* * *

_**I remember when we were outside, and it was just the two of us, I told you my most precious secret. We weren't friends for that long, but I felt I could trust you. I told you about him. I told you that I was in love with him, even though I was going out with Draco at the time.** _

_**You told me, "You should tell him. Sam, you're a great guy. You shouldn't be with someone who you don't have any feelings for. That isn't fair to Draco."** _

_**I understood that. Even though Draco wasn't the nicest guy at school, it wouldn't be fair. So, I explained to you as best as I could. "I'm scared that he wouldn't like me back. I love him more than anything in the world. More than my family. More than myself. And if he were to reject me, I don't know what I would do. I'm scared that he doesn't even like guys."** _

Yes! Sam, I do like guys, but I love you.

_**When I told you that, you even offered to go to him and find out. I was very tempted, but I was too scared of what his answer would be.** _

_**I felt really bad after that talk, because I realized you liked me as more than a friend even though you knew I liked guys, and yet I still told you about my feelings for him. I'm sorry, Luna. I knew you were hurt that I couldn't return your feelings, but you and I both know that that didn't give you the right to hurt me.** _

What the fuck did you do, Luna?

* * *

_**Luna, do you remember that day you and I were walking and we ran into Draco? I don't know what gave him the idea, but for some reason he thought I was making fun of you. You were my friend, I could never do that.** _

_**He came up to us and started calling you Loony. When that didn't get a reaction out of you, he said other things. Things that made me uncomfortable. I-** _

_**I have to stop for a moment, because that day... I forgot the meaning of 'friend'. Why? Because I'm ashamed to say I didn't say anything to defend you. I knew that hurt you more than what Draco was saying to you.** _

_**From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry, Luna. You have no idea how badly I wanted to defend you. You were my first friend, and I couldn't even protect you against my boyfriend. I wanted nothing more than to yell at him and go off with you. I'm so sorry to say I didn't. I may not have went along with him, but I didn't stop him either.** _

No one's perfect, Sam. We all make mistakes.

_**I couldn't say anything, not because I didn't want to, but because I was scared. It's no excuse not to defend your friend, but I was. I was scared of what he would do or say. Not many people know this, mostly because it's only my House that do and don't talk about it, but the other Houses are not the only ones that get bullied by Slytherin. There are some Slytherins, myself included, that do too.** _

_**It's not the best reason to explain myself, but at the time it was the only reason.** _

* * *

_**After you took off crying I was very ashamed of myself, and I wanted to go after you but I had to go with Draco. The next day, I went to go look for you, because I couldn't find you anywhere. I went looking for you whenever I could, but for the life of me I couldn't.** _

_**When the day was over, I was on my way back to the common room hoping that I would find you the next day. I heard Pansy and her friends laughing. I wasn't great friends with them, but because they were with Draco I still had to speak with them. I went up to them, but it turned out they were laughing at you.** _

_**When I saw that I was like, "Here's my chance to make it up to you." Believe me, I was going to do exactly that. I didn't care if Draco broke up with me, or I would be bullied even more by my House. You were my friend, and I really cared about you. So, when I came up to you guys, I heard her call you a nasty name.** _

_**"Pansy, stop it. Let's just go before a teacher catches us. You don't need another detention."** _

_**Okay, so that didn't go exactly how I wanted it to, but I don't like confrontations. Maybe I'm stupid, but I was taught by my family that one must always be loyal to their House. Even McGonagall told us that our House is like our family. I didn't want them to hurt you, but I couldn't just brush that off like it was nothing. I'm loyal to my friends, but a part of me believes that no matter how wrong they are, I have to show some loyalty to my House.** _

Dean frowned. He remembered very well when McGonagall told him and the others from his year that their House is like their family. Dean agreed that one must show loyalty to their family, but he wouldn't go so far as to call his House his family. A majority of them were just as terrible as the other Houses. If someone wanted his loyalty, they have to deserve it.

* * *

_**Maybe I was wrong, and you don't belong on here. Maybe I was just hurt so bad that I overlooked what you did. Maybe you were just doing what you did, because I was such a horrible friend to you. You tell me? I mean, come on. What you did wasn't that bad. I mean, I was raped, bullied, abandoned, humiliated, so what you did wasn't that bad.** _

_**On the other hand you still got these letters, didn't you?** _

_**I don't know if you know this, but Pansy and her friends were done with you that night. We were all going to leave, and I was going to try and find a way to apologize to you concerning what happened with Draco. Then again, Pansy and her friends have to keep up appearances especially in front of others that are not in our House.** _

_**"What's wrong with you, Sam? You protecting Loony Lovegood here? You're supposed to be with us. Where the hell does your loyalties lie?"** _

_**Like I said, I have to show some sense of loyalty to my House as well as my friends.** _

_**"I'm loyal to Slytherin just as much as you are." I told her. "Which is why I don't want you to get caught and be given another detention. We're already losing to Gryffindor as it is. But she's my-"** _

_**But you didn't give me the chance to finish. I was going to do exactly what I planned to do when I saw her hurting you. I was going to do exactly what I wanted to do the night before, but you didn't give me that opportunity.** _

_**Not many of you know about muggle games and toys, but I do. I've had muggles in my family, or muggles who were friends of my family. Do you remember in my previous letter, I mentioned that Draco was the first domino? Well, sometimes muggle children and even some adults like to set the dominoes up and they knock over the first one which knocks over the rest. That's kind of like this.** _

_**In case you don't understand, I'll try to explain. I sent out thirteen letters to thirteen people. Twelve of you and what you did represent one domino. You guys are set up to fall when the first one does. Draco was the first, but you have to realize that there are twelve dominoes. So, that means that one of you had to have to set up the whole thing. That's where you come in, Luna. What you did set the whole thing up.** _

_**Do you remember what you did? I do. How could I not?** _

_**You were crying. You didn't give me the chance to finish because you cut me off. You yelled at us and said, "I can't believe I actually thought you were my friend, you evil snake! I can't believe I liked you. I thought you were different."** _

_**Out of everything to be called, evil snake wasn't that bad. I tried to explain to you, but you shoved me still crying. Seeing the way you were made me want to cry. You of all people should never shed a tear, but you still didn't let me talk.** _

_**"I never want to be your friend again. You and Malfoy are perfect for each other. You're both evil people. You don't deserve to have him love you! He will never love you, because all you'll have is Malfoy by your side. I hate you!"** _

_**And you ran off. I called after you, but you ignored me.** _

* * *

_**You know what? I could've handled that. If you had told me that when it was just us two that would've been the end of it. Even if I didn't want to, I would've left you alone. Since it wasn't just us... since it was around someone who was good friends with Draco, that was nowhere near the end of it. It was the end of us, but it was just the beginning of two years of hell.** _

_**I found out later that Pansy told Draco what you said. Did I ever mention that Draco had no idea that I was in love with someone else before that day? After that was when he began to yell at me. Sure he was controlling, and bossy but he never yelled at me. What you said led to Draco's letter. So, thank you Luna.** _

* * *

Dean sighed. He was angry with Luna for what she did, but he can't completely fault her for her actions. What she did she did because she was angry with Sam, and she figured that the best way to hurt him would be to voice his secret. He didn't know how many times he said something to another person just because he was angry. Hell, he threatened Benny because he was angry.

Nevertheless, her actions had a ripple effect. If she didn't say anything, Pansy wouldn't have known so therefore she wouldn't have said anything to Draco. Which meant that Draco never would've found out about Sam's feelings for him.

He shook his head, and wiped away the few tears that fell. Luna may have done something because she was upset, but it still doesn't change the fact that what she did played a big part in the events leading to Sam's suicide.

Even though Luna seemed like a nice girl, she was number two on Dean's list.

* * *

_**From the bottom of my broken and damaged heart, I thank you Luna. I thank you for not letting me finish speaking with Pansy that day. I thank you for not even giving me the chance to defend why I said what I said to her.** _

_**I told you my greatest fear. I trusted you to keep it. Even if you hated me, I trusted you to not speak a word of it. That fear was that I was scared that he will never love me. What hurt me the most was that you threw my own fear back in my face. Every time after that when I saw him, your words would never leave my head. It was bad enough that I feared that, but it was even worse when I trusted you and you hurt me with my own fear.** _

_**I still believe that he would love me one day. My heart believed that he was mine, and that I was his. But... your words were still there.** _

_**So, to bring this letter to an end, I thank you Luna for telling my precious secret in front of a girl that is jealous of me and hates me because she wanted to be with Draco.** _

Dean bowed his head, and let out his tears. He's cried more in one day than he has in all of his life. The sad part is... he's not even half way done.


	4. Letter Three: Jo Harvelle

The letter falls from his hands onto his lap. He leans his head against the wall not wanting to think anymore. Right at that moment Dean just wants the floor to swallow him up and kill him. At least then he can be with Sam. He chuckles. If he wasn't so determined to finish the letters and kill everyone on Sam's list, he would make sure that happened. But there's no way he can. Not now. If he dies, nothing would happen to everyone who hurt Sam. They would all continue going on about their lives thinking that Sam's death was no big deal. That was the last thing he wanted, because Sam's death was a very big fucking deal.

He was brought out of his head when he heard the other students making their way toward him. He sighed heavily. He rose to his feet, and without thinking of his destination, he took off running.

Luna ratted Sam out. If she had just kept her mouth shut, maybe then Sam would be alive. There were many things that could've happened to have prevented Sam from committing suicide. No matter what could've happened, it all comes down to him. He was the one that was to blame. If he had just sucked it up and asked Sam out he wouldn't have had a reason to say yes to Malfoy.

Sam's blood was on his hands. He was wrong about his earlier thoughts. He didn't help twelve people kill Sam... twelve people had helped _him_ kill Sam. He stopped right in front of the Room of Requirement, but he didn't see the door showing itself. He didn't see himself walking in. He didn't see anything.

He killed the boy who he had been in love with since third year. He killed Sam.

* * *

Dean fell to his knees. He could feel himself shaking, but it wasn't because of fear or crying. His body was shaking because he was pissed. This hadn't happened for a very long time. In fact, this hadn't happened since he was in his second year because someone had angered him to the point that he hurt the boy and his two friends by magic. The thing was... he didn't say a spell in his mind or out loud, and he didn't have his wand out.

After it happened, Dumbledore had explained to him that his magic had reacted to his emotions. His magic is so in tune with his mind that it reacts to what he's feeling. Usually a person could control it by using their wand to direct their magic, but only certain people, for certain reasons, can't control it. It doesn't happen every time he can't control it, only when it's too strong. In the first case, it most likely happened because he was so young and didn't grow up in a magical household. Dumbledore had warned him that if he doesn't deal with his emotions in a healthy way, it'll build and build until there's no stopping it.

Dean could feel sparks of his magic around him. It looked as if his magic was lightning and it was striking all around him. It wasn't as bad as before, but the fact that it was happening at all said something.

Dean tried to calm himself down, but he couldn't. He was angry. Sam went through so much all because he loved Dean. If he didn't love him, then there would've been no secret for Luna to tell. If Sam didn't love him, Malfoy wouldn't have hurt him. There would've been no diary for him to destroy.

The sparks turned from blue to red and it made a louder noise.

Sam was dead! Why couldn't Luna just keep her fucking mouth shut? Why didn't she let him finish talking?

He didn't have to think too much on it, because the Room provided dummies for him to attack. He brought out his wand, and without saying a spell he lit it on fire.

Why did Malfoy have to hurt him?

He sent a dummy flying across the room and slamming into the wall.

Why couldn't he have asked Sam out?

Another.

Why didn't he listen to Benny?

Another.

Why did he let his fear get the best of him?

As he blew one up, six more appeared around him, but he still didn't see them.

Why didn't-? He heard his magic strike around him. Why couldn't-? It rippled along the room. WHY?! He could feel himself shaking once more.

"AAAHHH!" With his wand to his side, his magic destroyed all six leaving nothing but dust in its place.

* * *

Dean was making his way to the common room. By the time he got there he felt tired, but he knew that there was no way he going to be able to sleep that night... or probably ever. He didn't care that he had class the next day or homework due in several classes. He just didn't care.

He knew that the best thing to do was finish the letters as fast as he could. That was the best thing for him. The closer he got to the next letter, the more he didn't want to continue. He didn't want to read any more. He may have only read two letters, but he felt like he read a hundred. He just couldn't do this.

All Dean wanted was to know who the remaining ten people were, that way he could just kill them all. Once he was charged and taken to Azkaban, he could sleep. He would most likely be given the Kiss, but he didn't care. He couldn't go through any more.

In the end, he knew that wasn't true. He could get through every single letter that was left. He could get angry, sad, cry, but he could still get through it. What he couldn't do was go through it alone. Not anymore.

* * *

He reached his room, and sighed in relief that he was alone. He figured the others were taking their shower. He knew he should as well, but how could he when there were still more letters to read? When he reached his bed, he pulled out the letters and grabbed the next one. Number three was there in his hands, but he couldn't get himself to open it. His attention was only on the letter that he held. Who was next? Was it him? Was it his turn? What did he do?!

"Dean?"

Dean stiffened. He knew that voice. He knew it ever since first year. He feels his eyes begin to sting with tears. His hands fall to his side, and he breaks down. When was this going to end? When was he going to stop crying?

"Dean, please talk to me," Benny said slowly turning him around. What he saw was heart breaking. Dean was his best friend, and he wanted to help so bad.

Dean shook his head, but didn't pull away. Benny took that as a good sign. The tears that fell down Dean's cheek broke his heart that much more. It wasn't like this was the first time Dean had ever cried in front of him. He was sad to admit that Dean had cried many times in the past, either alone or with him. Benny knew that whatever was going on with Dean was so much worse than any other time. Whatever happened in the Great Hall, Benny didn't care.

Benny didn't have to hear to know what Dean needed. He wrapped his arms around him. Dean needed a hug. "What's wrong?"

Dean was afraid that Benny would leave. Benny was his best friend, and he didn't know if he could handle eleven more letters. He knew that if it wasn't for the guilt he felt, he could get through the other letters by himself, or at least a few more letters until he asked for help. But he couldn't, because after reading what was done to the one that he loved, hurt him so much.

Hugging his best friend was what finally broke him. He held on tight, and told Benny everything. He was sorry to Sam that he said anything, but hopefully he would understand that this was too much for one person to handle... more specifically him. None of the others would feel the pain that he felt, because no one else had ever loved Sam like he did. No one was still in love with Sam like he was.

Benny listened as Dean told him everything that's been going on with him. What he was listening to wasn't anywhere near what he thought was bothering him. The emotion in Dean's voice made him want to cry himself.

By the time Dean was done, Benny was just as pissed off as Dean was. How could Malfoy and Luna do that to someone as innocent and kind as Sam? He didn't know if Sam wanted Dean to read the letters by himself, but he was glad that Dean finally told him. This was his job as best friend.

Dean pulled away and wiped his tears away.

Benny patted him on the back. "Is that the next letter?" Dean nodded. "Okay, well let's go find out who else we have to kill." Benny began to get back in his robes when he felt Dean staring at him. He looked up. "What?"

"What do you mean, 'we'?"

"Dean, you're my best friend. I know how much you loved Sam. To think that there are twelve fucking people at this school that hurt him is not going to fly with me." He grabbed his wand, and went to the door. "I don't know what happened that made Sam include you with all the others, but whatever it is we'll deal with it. Come on. We can't read it here with the others listening in."

This just added to the many reasons why Benny was his best friend. He smiled and followed after him. He stopped when they got to the door. "You do realize we might be given the Kiss, right?"

Benny shrugged his shoulders. "Can't let you have all the fun."

* * *

Both boys made it to the Room of Requirement. It was a little difficult because it was after hours, and they weren't allowed out. Then again, it wasn't like this was their first time sneaking out. The Golden Trio weren't the only ones that snuck out.

As Benny walked into the room, he could practically see the guilt and depression that Dean was feeling. That was how strong Dean's emotions were, or it could be because Benny knew him that well. Either one. He couldn't believe that Sam was dead. He knew how much Dean was in love with the kid. How could he not when he was all Dean talked about.

When they walked in, he could see the room was a mess. There was dirt everywhere, and marks on the ground that looked like a bomb went off. It took a moment for him to understand what it was. He frowned and looked at Dean.

"How bad did it get?"

Dean looked away in shame. He hated it when he couldn't keep control over his magic. "Wasn't that bad," he mumbled.

Benny shook his head and sighed. He sat down on the couch the room provided and motioned for Dean to follow. When he did he waited for him to take out the letter. He watched as Dean's hands shook when he took out the letter and unfolded it.

Dean sighed. "You don't have to get involved."

Benny just stared at him for a moment. "Ever since third year, all you've been talking about is how much you love him. To know that he died because of a bunch of assholes, I'm not just going to stay behind. Besides someone has to be with you to make sure you don't wallow in guilt."

Dean's lip quivered.

"Dean, no matter what Sam said, you did not kill him. Once we're done with these letters, we're going to find everyone that hurt him and kill them all."

Benny was surprised with himself. He never thought that he would grow up to become a murderer. He thought it was funny that he could talk about killing people like it was the most casual thing in the world, but he didn't care. Dean was his best friend, and Sam was the one that he loved more than life itself. It was only right that he stand with Dean during a time like this, and if that meant committing murderer... then so be it.

* * *

Dean took a deep breath.

_**Even though I need to write out these letters and send them out to you all, I really don't want to do it. I don't want to write these out and relive what you people did to me. It was bad enough that I went through it once, it's even worse now, because I know what's coming when this is all done.** _

_**But I guess I need to, because if I'm going to die I need you all to know what you did. It may be able to bring you all together and be best friends. At least this way, you all will have at least one thing in common.** _

Dean broke off. He didn't want to have anything in common with these people.

_**To begin this letter, I have several questions to ask. Have you guys ever liked someone so much that you wanted to tell them? Maybe in a love letter, or send them things to show how much you like them? Or even a simple loving gesture. Ever had a secret admirer?** _

_**I was going out with Draco at the time when I received my very first one. At first I thought it was him, but then I realized that he wasn't the type. Draco is never the type to do something romantic, not that I need it to know that I'm loved or wanted. But it's still a great feeling when I received it.** _

Dean doesn't like this. Who was Sam's admirer?

Benny could see the look on his face and chuckled. "Don't get all jealous, Dean. Keep going."

* * *

_**When you get a secret admirer and they send you love letters, it's the most wonderful feeling. It makes you happy that someone likes you so much that they would take the time to write out their feelings and send it to you. Sometimes it can make you feel special. Like someone out there likes you so much that they can only express their love through a letter. It's like they're shy and are afraid of rejection.** _

_**When it happened to me, believe me I was happy. I thought my heart was going to burst with how much happiness I felt.** _

"Seriously, who the fuck is this?" Dean yelled to Benny. "Whoever this is we're killing them right after Draco."

Benny rolled his eyes.

_**I'm sure you all know that there are terrible and cruel people in the world. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to get a love letter from the one person you like or maybe even love, and it turned out that someone thought it would be funny to use that to hurt you?** _

_**I didn't think it was funny then and I don't think it's funny now. What made you think that using the one that I love with all my heart to hurt me would be funny? I never did anything to you, yet you do that to me.** _

_**I really don't know how you found out, but I have a guess on who it was.** _

_**What was it about me that made me a target? What did I do wrong? Was it because I was a Slytherin? Did you like him too? Did someone do that to you and you thought it would be funny to do it to me? Was it revenge?** _

_**I simply don't understand. I'm not really a hateful person, but with you... with what you did I may make an exception. So, you're next... Jo Harvelle.** _

* * *

"WHAT?!" Dean screamed.

Benny tilt his head. "Isn't Jo that bitch that's been obsessed with you since second year?"

Dean growled just at the mention of her name. He hated her with every fiber of his being. He wasn't one to want to punch girls, but he's been thinking that he'd make an exception. Now... oh she was going to regret ever coming to this school.

"She did something to him. How could she even think that she could do anything to him let alone speak to him? She's so lucky that she's not here right now, because I'm seriously considering making her number one."

He had no idea how many times he told Jo that he didn't want to go out with her. He was very comfortable and perfectly happy with his sexuality, but he wasn't one to be open with it to just anyone. Only those he considered close friends and family knew.

Dean rose to his feet and began to pace back and forth. He could do it. He didn't know how seeing as how she's in the girls' dorm and the guys couldn't get in there. How the hell did the Hat ever think that she would be good in Gryffindor? Then again there were plenty of assholes in his House, what's one more bitch?

"Dean, calm down. We don't even know what she did yet." Benny really needed him to calm down. He didn't need Dean's magic to sense his already pissed off mood, the last thing they needed was for it to react. Dean already had little control of his magic when it reacted.

Dean's head snapped to him. "I don't care what the fuck she did. The fact that she did _anything_ is good enough for me to fucking strangle her."

Benny sighed. "Let's at least find out what she did. Then I promise you, we'll go after her before Draco."

Dean thought about it for a few moments, but shook his head. "No. If anything she'll be right after him. After what Malfoy did to him, no, we're dealing with him first."

"Whatever you want, but let's find out the whole story first."

* * *

_**The funny thing is before that night, I've never spoken to you. I've talked to a few Gryffindors, but you were never one of them nor would you ever be. I've seen you around the school with your friends, but every time I did, I did not like what I saw. I didn't like you. I thought you were too stuck up. You thought you were better than everyone else. I guess I wasn't the only one that the Hat misplaced.** _

_**Anyway, how did you find out? I mean, I think I know who told you seeing as how she's your best friend. I wasn't the only that that was in love with him, or even liked him, so why me? Was it because after what happened between me and her, you thought it would be a good idea to get back at me?** _

_**What was it?! Tell me! I never did anything to you, so why? Did you do this to other people who had their eyes on him, or was I special? Do you not understand what that letter meant to me? Even though I know now that it was all a joke to you, it meant something to me. I actually thought it was really from him. That letter was my new hope. I was actually thinking about forgetting what Draco did to me! But no! You fucking do this to me.** _

* * *

_**I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's backtrack. Mostly for my sanity or what's left of it, and also so the rest of you can understand what letter I'm talking about.** _

_**Because of the kind of person you are, I know for a fact that what you did to me, before you got these letters, has slipped your mind as something unimportant. Because of the severity of what you did, I'm going to explain so others would know how horrible you are.** _

_**In third year, it was around the time that Sirius Black was spotted close by. I didn't care about the fact that a 'murderer' was nearby. I always hoped that he would come into the school and kill my lovely boyfriend. But sadly, he didn't. Or maybe he did come to do it, but didn't know how to find us. Oh well, one can only dream.** _

_**How funny it is that being with Draco and being hurt everyday has made me think such dark thoughts. I guess I really am a Slytherin, at least deep down.** _

_**Time to go to the next point on the map.** _

Dean looked down at the map, and saw that it was the courtyard. He went to grab his things, but Benny stopped him. He looked up at him confused.

"It's best we stay here. It's already after hours; the last thing we need right now is to be sent back to the tower and given a detention."

"I don't care about any of that."

"Neither do I, but as of right now we don't know who else is on the list. It could be a Gryffindor. We can't risk you attacking them before we're done."

Dean knew he was right. Sorry Sam, Dean thought. It's best we stay here.

_**On my way to Charms, Professor Flitwick had handed me a note. I'll be honest, I was surprised, because the professor always tried to steer clear of me. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of who I was going out with at the time. Hmm.** _

_**Anyway, I looked at the note, and you know what it was? A love letter. Now normally I don't ever get anything like that. Not even Draco ever did something like that. So being the kind of person I was, I read it. Then again, I think anyone would.** _

_**It read:** _

_**I don't know why I'm sending this to you, but I don't think I can keep my feelings to myself anymore. I've been in love with you since the first moment you walked through the Great Hall. You were the most beautiful person I've ever seen, and you're even more beautiful now. I can't help but feel shy each time I see you. My fear of rejection has kept me from approaching you. I see you with a horrible person who doesn't deserve to call you his, and each time I do, I want to scream. I love you with all my heart, and I hope you will give me the chance to prove to you that you deserve someone who will love and worship you for the rest of your life.** _

_**If you will give me that chance, just leave a note with the professor, and I'll respond as soon as I can. I wait for your response. Love, D.W.** _

Dean gasped and dropped the letter. Benny moved closer to him when he saw Dean drop it. Before he could ask what was wrong, Dean responded.

"That's impossible," Dean said under his breath.

Benny furrowed his brows. "What?"

Dean slowly looked at him, and Benny could see his eyes shining. "That's my letter."

"What do you mean? This letter is for Jo."

Dean shook his head. "No, the letter that Sam got from Flitwick. That's _my_ letter. Except for the last part, I wrote that. I was planning on giving him a letter, but it went missing. I couldn't find it."

"Wait, was that why you trashed our room last year?"

Benny remembered that the previous year, he and a few other guys had come back to find the room destroyed. They saw Dean throwing things here and there and it was obvious that he was looking for something. He had tried to get Dean to explain to him what he was looking for, but Dean wouldn't talk. When he stopped, he looked broken. Whatever it was that he was looking for apparently meant a great deal to him.

"How the fuck did she get it?"

Before Benny could say anything in response, Dean picked up the letter now looking angry. Benny sighed. He felt very sorry for Jo. It was never a good idea to piss Dean off.

_**I knew those initials anywhere. I wrote them down so often that it would be ridiculous if I didn't. You would have no idea how much happiness I felt when I finished that letter. I thought I was going to explode with the amount that I felt. It was the best moment of my life. I thought my life was complete knowing that he felt about me as I do him.** _

_**When class was almost over, I didn't have enough time to pour my heart into my letter, so I wrote a quick note. I figured that I would have plenty of time to tell him how I felt. I gave it to the professor not even thinking about asking him who gave him the first letter. Maybe if I did, none of this would've happened. But I guess I was too happy to confirm if it was really him.** _

* * *

_**The rest of the day, I was walking on cloud nine. Did you know that I was considering breaking up with Draco? I was only waiting because I was thinking of how I was going to do it. Even though he had hurt me, I didn't want to be like him and hurt him back. I wanted to be the bigger person. Maybe I also had waited because I was scared on what he would do when I did. Even though he was my boyfriend, I was still scared. Can you blame me?** _

"Benny?"

"What?"

"Please, tell me this isn't going where I think it is?"

Silence.

* * *

_**The next day, the letter was waiting for me on my desk. I was so happy, I didn't even bother trying to rid myself of my smile. I didn't care if Slytherins weren't supposed to smile unless they were hurting someone.** _

_**I ripped the letter open, and my heart skipped a beat at what it said. Want to know what it said? Jo, do you want me to tell the others? I can't hear your answer.** _

_**It read:** _

_**I'm so happy that you have decided to give me a chance. I would really love to meet you now. I want to ask you out properly. Please meet me near the central tower courtyard at eight tonight. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Love, D.** _

Dean knew for a fact that that wasn't from him. He never wrote that because he never sent anything to him. He never got the chance. Who could be so cruel as to do this?

_**Do I even have to tell you what I was feeling?** _

* * *

_**So, as you have already learned, I have been stuck to Draco like glue. I'm not allowed to go anywhere without him. The only time I'm by myself is when I use the restroom and when I go to my Muggles Studies class. Other than that, I'm with Draco. I'm given a time limit on how long I'm supposed to be in the restroom, anything longer than that I'll be hit.** _

Dean growled.

_**Notice I didn't mention shower. I know you're a blonde, but even you could admit what that means. So, you can imagine how difficult it might be to meet him, but I did. Did I forget to mention that because of the letter from 'him,' I actually broke up with Draco?** _

_**Oh yes. Did it go well? Yes. As well as it could go when you break up with someone like him. In fact, I was very proud of myself. After we took our shower he was getting ready for bed, but I didn't. I got into my best robes. I did my hair really nice. And you know what, I felt good. There was no way, I was going to see him not looking my best. No way. He deserved better.** _

_**"What are you doing?" He asked. "Get into bed, now."** _

_**I shook my head. For the first time since I've been with him, I felt strong. "No. Draco, it's over."** _

_**"What?" He got up and pushed me. "You're not breaking up with me. You're mine."** _

_**I walked away from him. "No. I found someone who loves me, and won't hurt me."** _

_**"Him? You're going to him, aren't you? That fucker will never love you. He just wants to get you into bed then throw you away." He scoffed at me, "You'll be back. You're going to come crawling back with your tail tucked between your legs. When you do come back, I want you on your knees and apologize. Maybe then I'll take you back. You're nothing without me."** _

_**I wanted so much to punch him. I shook my head and ran off. I wasn't going to waste any time that I could be spending with him. It wasn't that hard to get there without getting caught.** _

* * *

_**You wouldn't believe how free I felt. I wasn't with someone who hated me. I was finally going to be with someone who loves me. And you what? If he turned out like Draco, which I didn't believe, I wouldn't care one bit. I don't care what he did to me, as long as we were together, I wouldn't be bothered if he was a psychotic murderer.** _

_**Anyway, I arrived and I saw someone. I could only see the silhouette of the person, but I was too blind to see that the person's build wasn't male. I was too excited and thrilled. The closer I got, the more my heart sped up. This was it. I was finally going to be with the one that I loved so much.** _

_**"Hello?" I called out. I went up to the person already believing that something was wrong, but I was still in deep denial.** _

_**The person turned around, but it wasn't him. It was you. How I mistook him for you, I'll never know. But as soon as you looked at me, you smiled. You laughed at me. Then I saw two other girls come out of the shadows, and I knew exactly who told you. You still there... Luna?** _

_**You didn't laugh like Jo and the other girl, but the fact that you were even there... well that said something, didn't it?** _

_**You would never believe how badly I was crushed.** _

_**"Well, don't you look nice." You looked me up and down. I backed away from all of you. "Aw, what's the matter? Expecting someone else?"** _

_**I tried to walk away wanting to get as far away from you as I could, but you got in front of me. You shoved me. I've never hit a girl, and I never would. Regardless of what you did, I couldn't even do it to you.** _

_**"Listen here, Campbell. He is mine. You're going to stay away from him. You're not going to look at him again. He's not into scrawny little faggots like you." That's when you pushed me. I wasn't expecting it, so I fell.** _

_**I know you didn't encourage her, Luna, but the fact that you didn't do anything to help me, makes you just as bad as she is.** _

_**I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried. Hard.** _

* * *

Dean's body was shaking bad by this point. He was gripping the letter hard.

Benny could see what the letter was doing to Dean. He was afraid. Actually, he was afraid for everyone that either already received these letters or will. Now that he was thinking about it, if there were people after Dean's letter, they'll never get the chance to read these. Oh well, not his problem.

**_I ran off crying. I didn't care if I got caught. I just simply didn't care. I wanted to get as far away from you as possible. Remember what Draco said before I left? Well, keep that in mind._ **

**_When I got back to the common room, there he was. He was sitting on the couch just staring at me. As soon as he saw that I was crying, he smiled. He already knew what happened, or had an idea of happened. Merlin, do I hate him._ **

**_He stood up, but he didn't move. He just folded his arms, and waited. At first I didn't know why. At that point a bunch of the other Slytherins came out because I'm sure they wanted to see what else would happen between us. From what I could see, it was mostly our year that was there. I didn't know what they were waiting for._ **

**_"Are you just going to stand there?" He said._ **

**_And that's when it came to me. Every word that he said to me came rushing back. I looked down at my feet. I broke up with him. I thought he would have no more power over me, but then again that was when I thought the letter was real. That was when I thought I was finally going to be with the one that I love more than anything and anyone in the world. That was before you crushed my newly developed hope._ **

**_You know what I did? I walked up to him still looking at my feet. I got down on my knees, and I looked up at him. His smile was just... evil._ **

**_"I'm sorry." Is what I said._ **

**_Draco laughed at me like I said the most funny thing in the world. And maybe to him I did. "So? You think I should take you back? Why should I?"_ **

**_I knew Draco well enough to know that he wasn't considering taking me back, because in his mind we never broke up. Asking me that was only to make me do what I did next. Maybe I was stupid for doing what he wanted, but I was too broken and hurt to do anything different._ **

**_"I'm nothing without you. I belong to you."_ **

**_He smirked, "Prove it."_ **

**_Any idea on how I was supposed to 'prove it'? Well, I'll tell you. He took out his dick, and right there in front of everyone that was present, he made me suck him off. How embarrassing. Just like he wasn't gentle when we raped me, he wasn't gentle then either._ **

**_And was that it? Was that the end of night? No. I could've handled sucking him off. That wasn't that big of a deal. No, he did something else. Do you know what you caused? He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back to our room, and he beat me. Bad. I had to use a glamor spell until the proof of what he did to me faded away on their own._ **

**_I don't care if you all think I'm stupid for going back to him, because I know I was stupid. But after what you did to me, the humiliation I felt, Draco gave me what I wanted. I wanted to be wanted by someone. I couldn't have him, so I went to the next 'best' thing._ **

**_So, not only did you humiliate me by pulling such a cruel joke, but you humiliated me with Draco. At the end of the day, I felt so stupid and worthless all because you thought I had any chance with him. I didn't even know if he was gay. For all I know, he could be into girls, or only guys who were older. I was no competition to you._ **

**_I don't usually hate people, except Draco, but you... I hate you so much. I don't understand how you could live with yourself after what you did to me. I don't understand how you even thought that something like that would be funny. Is your life so bad that you thought it would be funny to do such a horrible and cruel act upon another person?_ **

**_..._ **

**_Did you know that in some cultures when a person commits suicide they don't get to go to Heaven? If that's true for me, then I'll see you in Hell you evil heartless bitch. You and I are going to rot in Hell, and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh..._ **

* * *

Dean threw the letter to the floor in obvious anger. He was pissed. He could feel his magic reacting, but he made no effort on trying to calm himself down. He _wanted_ it to go haywire. How much bad could one person go through? What did Sam ever do to deserve what was done to him?

Benny could feel his magic. He could see the ripples surrounding him. He jumped when he saw red lightning strike near him. He had to move just in time, because otherwise he would've been hit.

"Dean," He reached out and touched his shoulder but had to pull it back quickly. He looked down at his hand and saw that it was burnt. That wasn't good. He ignored the pain and went to speak, but Dean leaped off the couch heading for the door.

"Dean!"

Dean turned around. "Don't try and stop me. I'm going to hunt the bitch down and fucking kill her with my bare hands." Another strike.

Benny got up and ran after Dean. He knew Dean would hate himself for it, but Benny didn't care at the moment. Benny tackled him and pinned him to the ground, but it didn't last. His tackle caused them to wrestle around until Benny was on top again.

"Dean, please calm down." Benny was almost out of breath, and his hands were in pain.

"Get off me. I'm going to fucking torture her." Dean switched their positions. "I thought you were going to help me kill them all? You lied to me!"

Benny sneered at him. "I didn't fucking lie to you. If you want to kill all these fucking people, then I'm with you. I'll stand by you and torture them all with or without magic. I'll stand with you when we're being tried. I'll stand with you when we're being Kissed. But I want you to fucking think."

"I am thinking. I am thinking of all the ways I'm going to hurt them!"

"Don't you get it? You only know about three people! You still have to find out about nine more people. Not to mention find out why Sam included you. Dean, I promise, we're going to hunt them all down and fucking torture them to death, but you have to wait."

Dean's face relaxed, and when he did all the lightning and the painful touch to Dean was gone.

"We're going to get them all, but you have to wait and find out the whole story."

"I'm sorry." Dean got off Benny. "I'm sorry for your hand too."

Now that they were no longer fighting, the pain that Benny was feeling in his hands came to him like a punch to the gut. He yelped in pain. It hurt.

"I'll forgive you once you put those healing spells you know to good use." He shoved his hands in Dean's face.

Dean chuckled and began the healing spells that he knew that would fully heal Benny.

"She used my letter to hurt him," Dean said softly.

Benny nodded. "I know. She won't get away with it. None of them will."

Dean sighed. "How did she even get it? How did she even know about it?"

"I don't know, but we'll find out. Look at me," Dean did very slowly. "They won't get away with what they did. No fucking way Sam is going to die in vain."

There was only silence as Dean worked on his hands.

"I'm on there too."

Benny looked away. "I know."

And isn't that the most tragic thing about this whole situation. Dean was in love with Sam so much. He worshipped the ground the kid walked on, and yet... he was apart of this just as much as the others were. The only question was why?

 


	5. Letter Four: Ron Weasley

Dean just sat there not looking at anything. He was completely zoned out. Benny didn't know what to say or what he could do to make Dean believe that everything will be okay. If he were honest, they both knew that _nothing_ will be okay. Sam was dead and these letters were just hurting Dean even more.

He had been trying to get Dean to talk or make a noise of any kind for what seemed like hours, but he's just been stuck in his own head. Benny really needed him to speak, because if Dean got too caught up in his own thoughts, he'll be stuck inside for who knew how long. At a time like this, they couldn't afford to let that happen. They needed to get these letters over and done with so they can get their revenge or more like Dean's revenge.

"Dean?" Nothing. Benny sighs. He put the letter back inside the envelope and watched as it sealed itself. Benny had to admit that Sam was a really smart kid if he could do that. Even though it was a simple spell, Benny could never perfect it like Sam obviously did.

Benny had just realized that they still had more letters to read, and they had forgotten to get the others. He cursed at his stupidity. Benny called for an elf to come. He didn't have to wait long, since they wouldn't have too much to do since it was so late.

"Yes? How may I help you?" The elf asked as it bowed.

"Can you go to Gryffindor Tower and fetch a stack of letters on Dean's bed that look like this?" Benny asked showing it the letter he held in his hand. "But you can't speak of this to anyone, okay?"

Benny wasn't dumb. They were planning to kill twelve people, and the elves worked for the Headmaster. Obviously they couldn't give the elves a reason to speak with him. The last thing they needed was the Headmaster to know that they were planning something very bad. There's no doubt in his mind that they were going to do it; it was all just a matter of when.

"Yes. I will do that. Not a word to anyone." The elf disapperated, and reapparated within just a few seconds. "Will that be all, sir?"

Benny was about to send him off, but Dean's stomach took that moment to growl. Benny realized his own hunger. He figured that since they were going to be there for quite awhile it would be best to get some food into their system.

"Get us some food and drinks please." Benny told the elf exactly what they would want, and had to think of what to say that he knew would bring Dean back. He thought of one, but he didn't know if it was worth getting punched. There were probably other ways he could go about it, but none of them were as entertaining. Then again with Dean's temper he was hoping that he wouldn't regret it. He shrugged his shoulders. What are friends for?

He cleared his throat. "Dean, there's something I need to tell you." Silence. He took a deep breath. "I was given the letters as well. I'm one of the thirteen."

Dean's head whipped to Benny and immediately pounced on him bringing them both crashing to the floor. He brought his face close to Benny and his wand at his throat. Through clenched teeth he demanded in anger, "What did you just say to me?"

Benny chuckled nervously, "There you are."

It took a short moment to realize what Benny just did and why, and just as quickly as Dean's anger spiked, he was calm. He got off Benny and helped him up.

"Didn't think you were suicidal." Dean laughed, but quickly quieted when he realized what he just said and he went to sit back down.

Benny could see that he was losing him again. "Well, who else is going to go on the killing spree with me than my trusty sidekick?"

Dean snorted. "If anything you're _my_ sidekick."

* * *

Dean never got lost in his thoughts after that. They talked for awhile as they ate. Benny had made sure they wouldn't talk about the letters or Sam until they were done. Even though the best thing for Dean would be to get to the next letter, he needed a break to wrap his head around what they had and will learn.

It was going very well, until Benny realized that Dean kept looking at the stack of letters between them. The number four was just staring at them waiting to be read.

Dean sat back against the arm of the couch and sighed. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, and checked the time. "It's getting late. You should get some sleep. We got classes tomorrow."

Benny knew he was right, but he wasn't worried about it. He too leaned against the arm of the couch on the other side. "I doubt we'll be getting much sleep tonight. As for classes, I don't care."

Dean smiled, but never looked away from the next letter. "Don't you want to see your girl?"

Benny had forgotten about her. He loved her very much, and he knew that if he went along with Dean through killing everyone, his future with her would be no more. Was it worth the love of his life? He looked at Dean, and knew the answer right away. Yes, it was most certainly worth it. Dean missed out on the chance to be with the one that he loves, and as his best friend he was okay with doing the same.

Not answering Dean's question, he gestured to the next letter. "Are you ready?"

Dean doesn't answer. "What if I'm next? What if I did something terrible to him?" A single tear slipped down his face.

"I don't know. If you're next, we'll deal with it. As for you doing something terrible..." Benny trailed off.

Dean turned away from the letters and looked at Benny when he didn't finish. "What?"

Benny shook his head. "As for you doing something terrible," he shrugged his shoulders, "it's not possible. I've never seen anyone love someone as much as you do him. I may not know much about Sam, but from what you said about his letters and what I heard, the kid was in love with you just as much as you him."

Dean didn't know what to say to that. Even though he wanted to believe him, he couldn't. In his head, he did something wrong to Sam. Why else would Sam include him? But in his heart, maybe Sam wanted him to know all of this? He wanted to believe that Sam has been talking about him in his letters, but now he knows without a doubt that it was him. So even though he was gone, maybe Sam wants something from him? But what?

* * *

"I need to know how Jo got my letter," Dean said out of nowhere. "I hate her so much."

"When it's her turn, we'll know." Benny knew exactly how much Dean hated the girl, but at the moment she was going to have to wait. Sam's letters were more important.

"She used it to hurt him. I wrote that too afraid to say it to his face. I wrote so many letters trying to find the right words, but I couldn't. I thought that if he gave me the chance after reading that letter, I can show him how much I love him through my actions."

Benny nodded and smiled. "Yeah, you were always terrible with words when it came to expressing yourself. But I'm sure the effort would've been enough for him."

After about fifteen minutes of them just sitting there, Benny knew that enough time has passed.

"I think it's time, Dean." Benny reached for the next letter, and handed it to Dean. Dean didn't take it, but Benny wasn't going to let Dean not continue. He knew Dean would never forgive himself if he didn't finish every letter Sam wanted him to read.

"Dean."

It took some time, but Dean did take it. He took a deep breath, and with shaky hands he took out the letter.

* * *

_**Shh. Draco is sleeping. I can't afford him catching me. I don't want to know what he would do if he saw me awake writing 'suicide notes.'** _

_**There are people out there who for some reason think that just because of who they know, or who they are it gives them the right to treat people however they want. I can't stand those people.** _

Dean frowned. Something was wrong with Sam. He sounded angry. Benny must have thought so too because he asked, "Does he sound angry to you?"

_**I don't give a shit who you are, who you think you are, or who you call friends. You treat others with respect! Everything you do to someone else has consequences. I've been saying that so many times since I've started these damn letters. And you know what? I'll keep saying it until you all get it into your thick skull.** _

_**I don't care if you're having a bad day, I'm sorry that you are, but don't treat others wrong because nothing's going right for you. You have know idea what the impact of your actions upon another person is. Hasn't anyone told you to think before you speak? No? Well, THINK. BEFORE. YOU. SPEAK! There, now someone has. A dead someone, but someone nonetheless.** _

"Okay, something must be wrong," Dean said quietly.

* * *

_**I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I've been having a bad day, but then again all of my years at this school have been bad. So, what's one more?** _

_**Wow, I'm being really negative today. Okay, let's get back on track... if we were ever on one.** _

_**My point is, don't think that because of who you're associated with that gives you the right to use that to treat others wrong. You have no idea what that person's going through, and what you're doing could be making that person's day all the more bad.** _

_**Not many people want to admit it or even know that it's happening, but people (not all) do make an impact on them. Whether it's big or small, good or bad it's there.** _

_**So because of who you're friends with, don't think that gives you special treatment. You may not like it or believe it, but you're no different from the rest of us.** _

* * *

"Who the hell is this letter supposed to be for?" Dean asked not liking the fact that Sam was getting more upset. If anything he hates that Sam is upset at all. Sam is supposed to be happy and alive. Sam is supposed to be here with him god dammit!

"I'm not sure. He said 'special treatment', so it could be Potter. You know how he's given special treatment all the time."

Dean had thought about that when the letter first started, but in the end he shook his head. "Yeah, but everyone who actually pays attention knows that he doesn't want it. Even though he'll never get it, he wants to be like everyone else."

* * *

_**So, with that being said, YOU should've never let yourself be caught up in the fact that he was your friend. Everyone knows that you two are best friends, but who cares? I don't. I don't care who he is, and I don't care who you are. You treat people how you want to be treated. Haven't you ever heard of the Golden Rule? I was never taught that rule and I know it.** _

_**Merlin, I'll never understand what people get out of hurting others. This goes for everyone, not just you. I really want to know. What is so bad in your life that you think it's fun to hurt others? I'm not stupid to think that the whole world is lollipops and candy canes, but seriously. Why do you think it's fun to bully others? What do you get out of it?** _

_**Joy? Relief? Happiness? Peace? Popularity? Friends? A sense of authority?** _

_**Does it make you feel better about yourself? Does it make you feel strong and powerful? Do you think you're better than they are? Because I'm sorry to say it, but you're not. No one is more important than anyone else. Not the minister, or even the muggle president.** _

_**I'm not saying I'm some fucking saint, because Merlin knows I'm not but fuck. All of you who bully others, CALM THE FUCK DOWN! There's nothing wrong with being nice to others, even to those who are different. You don't like them because of their difference, fine, but leave them alone.** _

_**People like that is what makes me ashamed to be included with the human race.** _

* * *

Whoever Sam was talking to seemed to have really pissed him off. Dean isn't at all happy with that.

_**I'm sorry for ranting, but I had to let that out. I saw something today that really got to me. I won't say what it was because it doesn't matter, but I hated every moment of it. Believe me, Slytherin or not, I would've done something to help, but Draco was there. It's not an excuse to not help my fellow human, but my fear of him was too strong.** _

_**Anyway, now that I'm done ranting, back to the one whose letter this belongs to. I have a few questions for you, questions I'll never get the answers to.** _

Don't worry, Sam. We'll get every question you asked answered and then some.

_**Why did you come after me? What is it about me that attracts bullies to me? Am I wearing a sign? No, seriously. Is there a sign anywhere on me that I don't see that says 'Come bully me'. Was it because I'm a Slytherin? Was it because of who I was going out with? What was it? I want to know from everyone who hurt me, what was it about me that made me a target?** _

* * *

Benny never expected to hear Sam 'yell' but he's glad the kid is blowing off steam. With everything he's gone through, he needs it. He's surprised that he hasn't blown up with how much anger he's bottled up since the kid came to the school.

When Dean stopped, Benny was surprised on where this letter was going. "Huh."

Dean looked over at him. "What's wrong?"

"I just noticed that this might be the first letter where you're not the center of it."

Dean furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, the last three letters, Sam was hurt because of his love for you."

"So, you think it's my fault." Dean nodded. He had said many times that he figured that this was all his fault. At least now he wasn't the only one who thought so.

Benny shook his head, "No, I wasn't saying that at all. I'm just saying that it seems that there are other reasons why. More fuel to add to the fire."

Dean doesn't respond. Regardless if that's true, that didn't make him any better.

* * *

_**If what you did to me was because of every hurtful thing I said to you I'm sorry. I don't want to be mean to anyone. I don't like hurting others, because it makes me feel low. It makes me feel like I'm no better than the people who hurt me. I may not ever rape, abuse, humiliate, or threaten anyone, but the fact that I hurt someone doesn't make a difference to me.** _

_**Why couldn't you just leave me be? When I wrote down everyone that would be given these letters, I just have to say I'm not very surprised I would be writing to you... Ron Weasley.** _

* * *

"You have got be fucking kidding me!" Dean screamed.

"Calm down."

Dean growled. He was starting to hate being told to calm down. How the hell could he calm down? How could anyone calm down when they're reading the dying words of someone they love?

_**I remember when we were actually friends. Can the rest of you believe that? Ron and I were actually friends at one point, but that all changed when we were sorted. I don't understand that. Does being friends with a Slytherin automatically make you evil? Does it automatically make you an outcast in your House? What is it that made you not want to be my friend?** _

_**Actually... don't answer that I think I know. Harry Potter. I mean why be friends with an evil Slytherin when you can be friends with the great Harry Potter? I mean, I wasn't too upset by it. There were other students I could've been friends with. Like him. I better not talk about him too much, otherwise I would never get to the point of this letter.** _

* * *

_**Anyway, not many people would think that you were such a dick. Maybe not even Harry and Hermione. After what you did to me, I don't see how they can still be friends with you. I mean, seriously, you're an asshole.** _

_**I get we didn't become friends like you and Harry. I got over that. What I don't understand is why you couldn't just leave me alone. I went my separate way and although I didn't enjoy being in Slytherin, I still did my own thing. Why couldn't you just do the same?** _

What the fuck did you do to him, Weasley?

_**Are you sure you're supposed to be in Gryffindor? When I heard about the hat, I didn't think that it could make so many mistakes. Maybe it's getting mixed up with the Houses. After all the damn thing was Godric Gryffindor's for crying out loud. The thing is hella old.** _

_**I may not be in Gryffindor, but my father was a Gryffindor. So, maybe I got it wrong when it came to the traits that you're supposed to have, but aren't Gryffindors supposed to be brave? Aren't they supposed to be courageous? Chivalrous?** _

_**You possess none of that. What the hell was the hat thinking. You, my friend, would make a great addition to the Slytherin House. With the way you treated me... we welcome you.** _

* * *

_**Do you remember in third year when Draco and I were outside, for certain reasons, you, Seamus and Dean came up to us? This isn't why you're on here but this is just an example of how you're a dick.** _

_**Anyway, I would've ignored you like I usually do, but I was with Draco. Kind of impossible. Like I said before, I'm not a saint. When I'm an asshole to others it's only because I have to be since I'm with Draco all the time. I was raised better than that, but how I was raised doesn't apply at school because I was never taught how to act as a Slytherin.** _

_**So, maybe I'm no better than the you all, but then again I never drove anyone to commit suicide or put them through hell. Or at least I don't think so. I hope not.** _

No, Sam. You're too good for that.

_**Draco was being his usual snarky self and I was reading my book, but then he nudged me which was his way of telling my to join in. I sighed. I closed my book and looked at you.** _

_**"What's wrong Weasley, Potter and Granger finally dump you? It's about time they realize how pathetic you are."** _

_**I'm not very good at insulting people, but I have to admit that even though that was a terrible insult I really did feel bad. I hate being mean to others.** _

You could never be mean to anyone.

_**Either you're really sensitive or you're just as dumb as your friends because you got angry. I mean it wasn't even that mean, but because of that insults were thrown back and forth. Wands were drawn. I didn't mean to attack you all, but I couldn't allow you to hurt Draco. Strange, isn't it? I mean he's bullied me, raped me, humiliated me, yet I protected him.** _

_**Whatever. I had my reasons. They were ridiculous, but they were my reasons.** _

* * *

_**After I blasted you three away, you threw your Death Eater insults at us. Not the worst thing I've been called. If you're in Slytherin, you get used to being called Death Eaters or potential evil witches and wizards or something along those lines. After three years, those were just words to me. I know who I'm loyal to, and it's not Dumbledore.** _

_**Like I said, that wasn't why you're getting these letters. I just want others to see that you're a dick.** _

Ever since Dean's first year, he's been hearing people call the Slytherins Death Eaters or future evil witches or wizards all the time. It could be true with their parents, but not all of them were. A handful of the families in Slytherin are neutral, and only a small chunk are on the good side.

No matter what, the students were going to believe what they wanted. And what they wanted to believe was that all Slytherins were evil or would become evil. On the first day of his third year, it didn't matter how many times Dean heard that, because he didn't believe that. He couldn't. Sam was a pure example that that wasn't true.

Even though it be wrong, if Sam did turn out to be Death Eater or became evil in the future, Dean wouldn't care. If Sam became evil and Dean couldn't get him to change his ways, Dean would join him in a second. If Sam wanted to murder the world, Dean would not object to murdering it along side with him. No hesitation or second thoughts.

* * *

_**So, yeah you can be a dick when you want to, or when you're around people that are not in your circle.** _

_**No, what brought these letters to you is what you did that night. Do you remember? I do. Next point on the map. Go have fun.** _

Dean looked at the map and saw that it was the library. Even though they couldn't go, at least they knew where they would be if wasn't so late.

_**So, you should be at the library, but don't go inside. No. If you're standing in front of the library, turn left and walk about seven steps. Turn right. Now first glance you don't see anything but solid wall, but step forward and put out your hand. You should see solid wall, but your hand meets nothing but air. I found this in my first year, and I usually come here when I want to hide. Not so much now.** _

_**I don't know how you knew about it, maybe you saw me go inside, but you did. So back to that night. It was last year, and I had earned an hour in the library away from Draco. Apparently I had been doing good, and he said I could get time on my own. I used that time to catch up on my homework.** _

'Earned'? Oh hell fucking no! Sam, you shouldn't have to 'earn' anything let alone time to yourself. I fucking hate you Malfoy.

_**...** _

_**Actually, that's a lie. No, I was reading a book. I grew up in a wizard family, but I found muggle books fascinating. The things muggle writers come up with. I have a thing for dark poetry, and I found this book by a famous poet. It was his complete book of his work. It was beautiful.** _

_**Madam Pince had a small collection of muggle books and that was the only interesting book there. I read it and Merlin it was wonderful. My favorite book ever. Anyway, I used my hour of freedom, not to read the book (okay maybe a little), but to watch him. I specifically asked for a certain hour on a certain day, because I knew he would be there. Okay, I'm a total stalker.** _

You're not the only one.

_**Getting off topic.** _

* * *

_**When my hour was up, I made my way back down to the common room, but I was pulled from the side. I didn't know who it was, but when I did, wow was I shocked. It was you. Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you? I wasn't the only Slytherin that insulted you, and it's not like you're a complete victim.** _

_**You shoved me against the wall, and covered my mouth. Okay, I'll admit that up until that point I wasn't scared of you. But because of our positions, it brought me back to a scary point between me and Draco, so I froze.** _

_**"Shh." You said.** _

_**After the fear was starting to wear off, because I knew it was you and not Draco, I started to fight back. I wasn't going to let you get the best of me. I already got that from Draco on a daily basis, I wasn't going to take it from you. Hell no.** _

_**But despite my attempt to get away, you punched me in the stomach. I wasn't expecting it, so I hunched over trying to get air back into my lungs. You grabbed my hair and you whispered in my ear, "You should learn to watch your back, you never know who might sneak up on you."** _

_**My stomach was still hurting, so I didn't grasp your words. But you shoved me to the ground and you kicked me very hard in the stomach and chest over and over. I cried and begged you to stop, but you didn't listen. I was in pain, and I was hurting. Not all of the pain was physical either.** _

_**Ron, I want you to do something for me, it's the least you can do for being a dick to me. I want you to go find a dictionary, and look up the word, 'STOP'. When you hear someone say that to you, embrace the definition.** _

_**After what seemed like forever you stopped, but you didn't leave. You bent down, and I'm ashamed to admit that I flinched away from you. "Please, don't." I begged.** _

_**"We should do this again Snake." And that was it. You left.** _

_**Doesn't seem like a big deal, does it?** _

_**Oh, but wait! I'm not done. The night wasn't over. While you went and played best friend to Potter and Granger, I still had to go back down to the common room. Do you know how far it is from the library? Do you know how far it seems when you're in pain? It feels like you're walking the fucking desert. Do you know how much I struggled to get down there in as much pain as I was feeling? No, you don't... unfortunately.** _

I'm going to fucking kill you, Weasley!

_**Did I mention that I was given a time limit by my dear old boyfriend? After the hour, I'm given ten minutes to get back to the common room, or I'll get in trouble. Do you know how long after the hour I arrived? Fifty-seven minutes. I should know, I counted.** _

_**When I got back down to the common room, Draco was waiting there with his friends. I thought maybe he won't be too angry. Maybe he'll be too tired, or that he won't be in the mood. Yeah, I was wrong.** _

_**One look at me, and all laughter from his face was gone and was replaced by anger. He walked up to me, and I knew he could tell I was in pain. He lifted up my shirt, and he was disgusted or probably embarrassed of me by all of the bruises that already started to form. Maybe both.** _

_**Regardless of which, I could see behind that of what he was really feeling. He was feeling horny. I wasn't. I'm hardly ever. He ruined that for me. I tried to get him to do it another day, even though I didn't want to do it at all, but he dragged me to our room and slammed the door shut. Once that door shut, I had no choice.** _

Fucking Malfoy.

* * *

_**I'm not sure I can continue with these letters anymore, because I'm getting more depressed by just writing what happened. I mean these are the events that made me write these letters now, and to go back and recall what happened... is not something I want to do.** _

_**But I will, because there is one person that I want to read these. More than the others, I want to speak to you, and you alone. But if you can, just wait a little longer. Your letter is what is keeping me from stopping... keeping me from doing it.** _

* * *

"But you still did it!" Dean threw the letter onto the floor and turned away from it. "You still left me!"

Benny doesn't even react to his outburst. If he was in Dean's place, he would be doing the same thing. With what he was going through, Dean needed to let off his anger. He didn't even react when lightning struck near him.

It's sad really. Dean has been trying for years to control his magic when it reacts, but nothing ever worked. But give him a bunch of suicide letters from a boy he loves more than life itself, and he'll have it down in a matter of hours.


	6. Letter Five: Remus Lupin

Benny watched as Dean yelled at Sam. He didn't know how to react as he watched his friend express how hurt he was, and he couldn't blame him. Sam has been saying how much he loves Dean, and the fact that he still killed himself... he couldn't imagine how Dean was truly feeling.

He sighed and rose to his feet. "Dean." He turned his friend around. "We need to keep going. We can't stop now."

Dean crossed his arms and looked away and pouted like a small child. "I don't want to."

Despite that, Benny chuckled. "Yes, you do. Until you don't, we're going to keep going." They sat down. "Do you want me to read one? I don't mind."

Dean nodded as he was guided back to the couch. He knew that he should be the one reading the letters, but he couldn't bring himself to read another one. He was feeling so much hurt, and be just wanted this all to end.

Sorry, Sam. Dean wrapped his arms around his knees. I can't handle anymore pain right now. I'm not as strong as you are.

* * *

_**Another letter. Another tormentor. Another reason why.** _

_**Unlike the others I've addressed a letter to, not everyone who hurts people are terrible people themselves. Not everyone is as mean and nasty as the others are. So, you aren't like the others. But you still found a way to hurt me. And the troubling thing is, you didn't start it. In no way, did you go out of your way to come and hurt me like the others. I'm the one that started all this shit.** _

_**Because of who you are, I'm sorry that you're on here, but everyone who hurts another person must be held accountable for the things that they do. Every action has consequences, and because of who you are you're no different.** _

_**So, what did you do that earned a place on here? I don't know if it'll make a difference, but I'm going to explain to you what your actions did to me. I'm going to explain how hurting people can be done in different ways. So it's your turn... Professor Lupin.** _

* * *

There was silence between the two for a few moments. They didn't know what to say. What could be said? A teacher they had come to admire since he had shown up shared responsibility with the rest of them in killing Sam.

"I wasn't expecting to find out a teacher was included with you all," Benny said. He had come to really look up to Lupin. Was it strange to feel a little betrayed?

"Well, this changes things."

Benny looked up from the letters at Dean, but he was just staring off into space. What did that mean? Lupin having a role in Sam's suicide didn't change things. Did this mean Dean changed his mind about killing everyone who shared a part in Sam's death? Benny didn't know how he felt about that.

"What do you mean? Have you changed your mind?" Benny was a little afraid of what Dean's answer would be.

Dean turned to look at him and narrowed his eyes. "Don't be stupid. They're all still going to die. That won't change."

"Then how-"

"Lupin being apart of this changes how we're going to go about doing this. At first we were only dealing with students. Younger students who we can take down easily, but now we have to deal with someone who is more experienced than we are."

Okay, Benny didn't think of that. He was right. Lupin was far more experienced than they were. He's very skilled in Defense seeing as how he was a teacher, but it didn't matter. Lupin wasn't going to get off because of experience. If anything, Dean's power would give them an advantage.

Dean really liked Lupin, but it didn't change his fate. He was going to die right along with the rest. He was just sorry that it had to come to this.

* * *

_**This might seem strange to say since I've pretty much attacked the rest of you, but I'm not angry with you Professor. I've tried to be angry with you, I've tried very hard to bring myself to feel some kind of anger towards you, but I can't. I'm not going to hold anything against you. I know how much a lot of the students really enjoyed you as a teacher especially when you were our Defense teacher.** _

_**Regardless of what House I'm in, I would be lying if I didn't like your teaching methods better than the others that I've had since I've been here.** _

_**Despite all of the wonderful things you have taught us, I can't let you off the hook when I didn't let the others before and after you. Like I said to Luna, that wouldn't be fair, would it? As I write these letters to you all, I'm trying to be fair.** _

_**So, even though I'm not angry with you for what you did, your actions made a big impact. It may not have been the biggest like Number 13, but still big. I never told you, but I was very disappointed in your actions. Why? Because if you haven't noticed in my other letters, I kept what was done to me to myself. When I came to you, you were the first person that I've ever told anything let alone everything to... and you let me down.** _

Dean's eyes widened. Sam told Lupin everything? He bit his lip trying to get it to stop trembling. Why? If Sam loved him as much as he had said he did, then why didn't he come to him? Even though this happened a long time ago, he couldn't help but feel jealous.

* * *

_**I have a best friend or rather two best friends. They are amazing girls, and anyone would be lucky to be able to call them friend, but not even they knew about what was going on with me. Not because I didn't want them to know, but because it's kind of hard to tell them when they're in another House and I'm stuck with Draco all the time.** _

_**So, you were the first one I went and confided everything to.** _

_**Do you remember last year, when you gave me that detention. It's funny that even though that was a very important day, I don't remember what I did to get that detention. Do you?** _

_**Anyway, whatever it was isn't important. What's important is the fact that I went to you at all. Did you know that it took multiple times for me to even try and get a detention from you? When I finally did it, when you finally gave me what I wanted, you have no idea how much courage it took to do it.** _

_**Did you, anyone of you, know that no one really ever wants to die. No. Even though people try to commit suicide or even go through with taking their life, they don't really want to die. They actually want the pain they feel to end. They just want to be happy, to feel like they're worth it. That they have meaning and a purpose.** _

_**I didn't want to die then, and I don't want to die now. I don't want to commit suicide, because then I'll be giving up the chance to be with him. I didn't care what I've gone through up until then, I just wanted some help, and you seemed like the perfect one to help. Not only did you seem trustworthy, you were a teacher. You had authority over the students. You could help me more than my friends, or any student.** _

I would've helped you, Sam. I would've dropped everything, given up everything to help you no matter how hard it would be.

* * *

_**Now it's time to go to the next point.** _

Benny pulled out the map, and found the next point. Dean didn't even bother moving from his position. He just waited for Benny to tell him.

"It's the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom."

Dean didn't even bother saying anything in response, but he could tell Benny knew he was still listening. How could he not?

_**You should be at the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Well, this will save you all from wondering where I'm at during this whole thing, because everything takes place here.** _

_**When you gave me that detention, I was relieved. I felt like finally! this burden that I was feeling for years will be lifted. I felt like after this I won't have to deal with the others and Draco, hopefully ever again.** _

_**I walked into your classroom, and you were waiting at your desk probably already knowing what you would have me do. Something I had no plan on doing. I didn't want you to have the chance to turn me away to do whatever task you wanted from me. And I didn't want to give myself a possible way out, because I knew that I needed help.** _

_**So, before you said anything, I came out and said it, "I've been thinking about killing myself."** _

_**I've heard of the expression about it being so silent that you can hear a pin drop, well I can say that that's no longer just an expression.** _

_**You didn't say anything at first. You just stared at me shocked, and while you looked like that, I was happy. I finally took that first step that I've been too scared to take for a long time.** _

_**You were shocked, I could tell, but you quickly collected yourself. "Why? What's wrong?"** _

_**I could tell right off the bat that you've never been in this situation, but the fact that you didn't turn me away was just awesome. It meant so much to me.** _

_**After you asked me that, everything that has happened to me came rushing out. I didn't know that I was such a big talker until that night. None of you know how much relief and happiness was flooding through me. When I was done, I was tired. It felt like I ran a fucking marathon.** _

_**You didn't interrupt me once. You just stared at me for awhile. I didn't mean to dump this on you, but you seemed like the perfect teacher to come to. I'm sorry if that's not a position that you ever wanted to be in. Maybe you can go to the Headmaster and see if he can get a counselor or a therapist at the school. That's what a lot of Slytherins and maybe some students from the other Houses need. What kind of school doesn't have either a counselor or therapist? Just because we're magical, doesn't mean we can't have issues as well.** _

_**So I just sat there waiting for you to speak. I actually thought maybe I was wrong in coming to you, because the silence was getting uncomfortable. And that's saying something, because I've been in plenty of uncomfortable situations.** _

_**Finally, "Well, first of all thank you for coming to me. I'm glad you trust me enough for this. Second, I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to go through anything like that."** _

_**You have no idea what I was feeling.** _ **I** _**don't even know what I was feeling. I was going through so many emotions and thoughts were running through my head. It was a like storm going on in my brain.** _

_**"Okay, we need to do a few things. I know you trusted me enough to talk to me, but I'm going to need you to trust me just a little more. Can you do that?"** _

_**Honestly, I didn't know. So many things were happening inside me. Part of me was scared of what I did by telling you, but a bigger part was relieved and happy that I did. I know I needed to talk to someone about what's been happening, but I was still scared. I was scared of the consequences that my telling you would cause.** _

_**What if nothing could be done, and Draco hurt me even more? What if Ron would be angry that I told what he did and he came after me? What about the others? I was hurting so much as it was, and I didn't want to go through any more. I really wanted to believe that you could help me. I prayed and begged every god out there that was listening to me or who happened to overhear me that you could help me.** _

_**So, I said yes.** _

* * *

_**"First, I need you to come with me." You got up and went to collect your coat.** _

_**I couldn't help but be confused. "Where?"** _

_**"We need to go straight to the Headmaster."** _

_**I won't lie, that scared the hell out of me. It scared me, because what happens if we do and he couldn't do anything? I know he cares about his students, but we all know there's only one student he cares about more. Not that I don't understand why, because I do. Our savior gets priority. I was scared that what happens if he does do something and everyone that hurt me gets punished, what does that mean for me when the friends of those people find out? Because of my relationship with Draco, I'm not exactly that well liked or at all.** _

_I_ like you. Hell, I fucking love you, Sam.

_**I stood up looking as panicked as I felt. "No!"** _

_**You looked at me confused. "What? This has to reported. As a teacher, I can't keep quiet about this."** _

_**I didn't know that. I really wouldn't have gone to you if I knew that.** _

_**You walked up to me obviously concerned. "It's not just because I'm a teacher, but as a human, I can't just let you go back to that when I can do something to change that. I can't in my right my mind do nothing about this."** _

_**And you know what? I was willing to do it. I was willing to go with you and tell the Headmaster everything, but for some reason I couldn't which was why I said what I did next.** _

_**"I'm not ready. Can we do it tomorrow after classes?"** _

_**This was big for me. It was a big step that I took, and I was feeling overwhelmed. It was too much for me for one night. I said it all once, I doubt I would be able to do it again, at least not in one night.** _

_**I could tell you didn't want to do it, but you could see that I wouldn't be able to do it. So you agreed that I would go to you after classes the next day and we would go together. You warned me to be careful, and you let me go.** _

"What?!" Dean yelled. "Are you fucking joking? He was right there! You fucking idiot. He was right there, alive, and you let him go!" Dean screamed at the letter as if it was really Lupin.

Benny didn't think it was worth getting glared at by telling him that he was yelling at a letter.

Dean couldn't believe it. If Sam told him what's been happening to him, and then asked if they could wait to report, Dean would say no! Dean loves Sam enough that it would be worth Sam hating him if it meant that something could be done for him. If it meant that Sam would be alive, it would be worth Sam never talking to him again.

* * *

_**The next day all throughout classes I kept thinking about what was going to happen to the students who hurt me. I was scared of what would happen if nothing could be done. What do I do if Dumbledore didn't believe me? What happens to me then?** _

_**When the time came for me to go to your class, I was sweating bullets. I told Draco that I had another detention with you, and he believed me. He slapped me before I left for my stupidity, but I didn't care. That day was going to be the day everything would change for me. Whether it was going to be good or bad, I didn't know yet.** _

_**I arrived at your class a few minutes early. I took that time to make sure I was ready for this. I had to make sure that I was ready to repeat everything that I went through. No matter what, I had to do it, so I could be happy. I could be free. I promised myself right then and there that if we went to the Headmaster and something was done about it, I was going to walk right up to him and confess my feelings. If he didn't return them, then okay. It wouldn't be the end of the world. It would make the world a sad place to live in because I didn't have him, but I'd be free to at least try and be his friend.** _

_**So that was it. I had made up my mind. I was going to do it. I took a deep breath, and opened the door. You want to know what I saw when I went inside? Nothing. I didn't see anything or anyone. You weren't there.** _

_**My eyes began to sting with tears, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Your door was open so maybe you stepped out for a moment. Maybe you went to the Headmaster's office to tell him we were coming. Maybe you were worried about me and went looking for me. Or maybe I was in denial.** _

_**I was about to make my way out and go to the Headmaster myself to see if you were there, but that's when I heard yelling. I thought someone was hurt, so I went to check it out. There was a door at the back of the classroom that you didn't want anyone going into, but I still went.** _

_**I peaked inside, and I saw you. I was about to come in ask if you were alright, but that's when I saw you helping Harry up. I went inside without asking for permission, because I thought he was hurt and that maybe you needed help.** _

_**That's when you both spotted me. "Did you need something, Sam?" you asked me.** _

_**Did you not realize how much my heart wanted to break at that question? How much I wanted to cry?** _

_**I thought maybe you forgot. People forget things all the time, right? "Weren't we going to see the Headmaster, today?" No one could deny that my voice was shaky, but you seemed to have not been bothered by it.** _

_**"Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, Sam. I must have forgotten."** _

_**That was okay. That happens. I smiled a little thinking that we were going to go.** _

_**"I'm sorry Professor, I didn't think you had other things to do today," Harry said. He looked as if he was about to leave. I smiled at that. "We can try again another day." He went to turn away, but then you stopped him.** _

_**"No, wait, Harry. It's important that you get this right." You looked to me. "Sam, I'm in the middle of teaching Harry something important."** _

_**My jaw dropped. You couldn't be serious.** _

_**"Why don't you come back tomorrow, and we'll do it then, okay?" Without waiting to know if I was okay with that, you walked me out back to the classroom, and shut the door in my face.** _

_**I didn't fight against the tears anymore; I let them out. When they came out, there was no stopping them. I didn't want to stop them. What was the point?** _

"Lupin, you son of a bitch!"

* * *

_**The next day, class went like it usually did. You went on to favor the Gryffindors, and hardly payed attention to us. I figured that after what happened with whatever you were doing with Harry must have made my issue slip your mind.** _

_**I didn't know if you truly forgot about what I told you, or what had been going on with the school, or Harry or that the fact that the full moon was coming. Yeah, that's right. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you're a werewolf. Missing classes on full moons, having Professor Snape teach on those days, and the fact that you're always tired after the full moon. It's not that hard to figure out if you're paying attention.** _

Benny smirked. Smart kid.

* * *

_**So, after classes I went to see you again like you told me to, but your door was locked. I knocked and waited but no answer. I tried again the next day, but you told me you were busy with grading papers. I went to you over and over and over. It was always some excuse or another. You always told me to come back the next day, until after two weeks, I stopped.** _

_**In the end, Professor, you didn't do anything bad to me like the others. You didn't hurt me. You didn't do anything wrong... you didn't do anything. But that's the problem, isn't it? The fact that you didn't do** _ **anything** _**. I went to you, and it took a lot of courage to do that, and you didn't do anything.** _

_"I can't in my right my mind do nothing about this."_

_**What happened to that? Change your mind already?** _

_**Maybe it's my own fault. I mean, you did want us to go to the Headmaster, but I refused. I didn't want to go that night, because I wasn't ready. So I can't blame you for that one. In fact, I'm not blaming you for that one.** _

_**What I'm blaming you for, what I want you to take responsibility for, is every time after that. I went to you scared out of my mind of what the consequences of my actions would be. I went to you when I finally had the courage to do it. I went to you every single day after that night, and you turned me away.** _

_**You could've told me to go to the Headmaster myself. Would I have done that, I wouldn't know. You could've told my Head of House and made him go with me. Would I have been angry with you, probably. You could've called the Headmaster and told him that I needed his help if you were too busy. Would I have been brave enough to do it on my own, I wouldn't know. Do you understand what I'm saying? If you didn't want to help me yourself, then you could've done any of that.** _

_**So, I don't hate you Professor, because you did anything wrong to me. I don't hate you because you did anything to hurt me in any way. What I** _ **do** _**hate you for is the fact that you did nothing... and** _ **that** _**is** _ _**what hurt me in the end.** _

* * *

Benny quietly put the letter back in the envelope as he listened to Dean's cries. He didn't try to comfort Dean, because there was no comfort in the world that would make Dean feel better. The way things would go, the way this would all play out, he didn't think Dean would even _want_ to be feel better.

Dean laid his head on his knees and cried. "He was right there," he said through his tears.


	7. Letter Six: Hermione Granger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important question for you at the end. You can answer it in a comment, pm, or even to yourself, but I would very much like to know.

"That bastard!" Dean growled out.

Benny sighed and made his way closer to Dean. "Dean, I need you to be strong right now."

Dean scoffed and wiped his tears away. "Why? What's the point? The reason for my existence is gone. A teacher that I really looked up to and admired ignored Sam's pleas for help. Why in the world should I be strong? I don't want to be strong anymore!"

Dean turned his back on Benny. Lupin was a fucking teacher! He's not a student anymore, so why does he still think like a god damn Gryffindor? As a teacher, he was supposed to put aside his Gryffindor status and be equal to everyone. It didn't matter if they were from the same House or another. Sam was in great need of help from an authority figure, and Lupin ignored that. What the fuck?!

He didn't care what Potter needed. He didn't care about what lesson he needed to be taught, Sam was more important. He needed help! It's one thing to push him away that day he was with Potter, but he had the balls to push him away every time after that!

Dean could care less if Potter was the chosen one and that meant he gets special treatment, Sam needed someone! Lupin should've fucking considered it an honor that Sam went to him for help. Dean would give anything to have been in his position. Fuck!

* * *

Dean got up and paced around the room. He tuned Benny out at that point. As far as Dean was concerned, Benny wasn't even in the room.

He was feeling so much anger. Much more than he felt with Malfoy, and that's saying something. He's angry because Lupin dismissed Sam's issues when he apparently had found the courage to take the step and spoke to someone.

Benny could see the ripples of Dean's magic surrounding him, but either Dean didn't seem to notice or he ignored it.

"Dean."

He's angry because Lupin ignored the fact that Sam told him that he was getting sexually, physically and emotionally abused practically on a daily basis. Who the fuck in the their right mind would ignore someone who told them that? Fuck all that House loyalty bullshit. Someone comes up to you and tells you shit like that, you don't ignore it.

Red lightning had hit the ground in multiple areas.

"Dean!"

He was angry because even though he loves Sam more than his own life, he would've ignored Sam's pleas to wait and just gone to the Headmaster. In fact, he would've just gone to everyone who hurt him and killed them all. Dean was perfectly fine risking the chance to be with Sam romantically or friendship wise to report it.

Lightning had hit the couch where Dean had been sitting. Benny jumped to his feet.

Sam was fucking far more important than that! He was far more important than anyone alive. He was more important than himself, his family, the school, even the Wizarding World. He loved being a wizard, but if he had to choose between Sam being alive and saving the whole Wizarding World, well... goodbye world.

* * *

"Dean!" Benny ran up to Dean and cupped his face. "You have to calm down. Now! I know you're angry, Dean. Hell, I'm angry too."

Dean shut his eyes tight ignoring the tears that still managed to slip out. "I want him dead. I want them all dead."

Benny nodded. "I know. We'll get them. They'll all pay for what they did. I promise."

Benny pulled him in an embrace, and just let him cry. They still had a long way to go. If these letters, which weren't even for him, were getting to him he couldn't imagine what his own letter was going to do to him. What did he do to you Sam? Was it bad? Benny wasn't lying when he had told Dean that it wasn't possible for him to do anything terrible to Sam. Dean loved Sam. There was no doubt about that, so what did he do? He couldn't imagine Dean doing anything to hurt him. Dean would rather Voldemort torture him to death, be given the Kiss, give up his magic than hurt Sam.

When Dean's cries quieted, Benny could only comfort him with actions. No words would be enough. They would do nothing. As he watched Dean cry for the pain that was caused to his beloved, he felt incredibly sorry for everyone who was apart of this.

He chuckled to himself. Not only do those people have to live with that they did, but now they have Dean on their asses. No one could deny that Sam loved Dean, and if anyone paid attention they could tell that Dean worshipped Sam. These people are going to learn that if you want to live a long life, you don't fuck with Sam.

* * *

Dean finally collects himself. He takes a deep breath, but doesn't say anything to Benny. He doesn't have to.

Benny helped Dean to his feet, and they go back to the couch. Dean pulls out his wand, and without a word, he fixes the couch. He grabs the next letter. For a few moments, he just stares at it. Was this him? Was it finally his turn? Was he finally going to know what he did to the most important person in his life? Please, what did I do to you, Sam?

"Do you need me to read it? It's okay if you can't do this one either."

Dean doesn't want to. He doesn't want Benny to read another, because _he_ should be the one reading them. _He_ should be the only one in this room going through all this pain. His hands are shaking really bad, which is why he slowly hands it over. He can't do it.

* * *

**_What would you do if you were approached by your friend who told you that they had been raped? What if they told you they were in an abusive relationship? What if they told you they were being bullied? What if they said they had plans to kill themselves?_ **

_**What would you do?** _

_**Odds are you'll help them. After all, they are your friends, right? That's what friends do. They help each other. You'll most likely drop everything and tell an adult, or in the case if you're an adult yourself, you'll report it to the ministry and have them arrested. Bottom line is you'll do something.** _

_**Would you still do something if it wasn't a friend?** _

_**What would you do if an enemy or someone you didn't like came up to you asking for help? What would you do then? Would you still drop everything you're doing to help that person? Would you do everything in your power to help them?** _

_**Most likely your answer would be something along the lines, 'Depends on who it is.' Or maybe it depends on what they did to you. Depends on how serious the situation is. Depends on if they lied before. Depends on how much you dislike them.** _

_**When it comes to an enemy or someone you don't like or even hate, it all comes down to 'depends.'** _ _**Or maybe you'll be so cruel as to say, "Nothing. I would do nothing. I don't know/like them, why should I help?"** _

_**Right? After all, we're only human. It's in our nature to only worry about ourselves, our family and friends. We're not obligated to help those we don't want to help.** _

_**That's completely normal, but is it right?** _

No, it's not right, but I only care about you, Sam. Everyone else can burn to the ground for all I care.

* * *

_**I don't know if you'll go so far as to call me your enemy, but I'm pretty sure I'm not someone you like. Seeing as who I'm dating, I know you don't like me. I can't call you my enemy. If anything, Draco is my number one enemy and he's my boyfriend. I don't know if I can say I like you, because I don't know you very well. But from what I've seen when me and Draco and his gang were mean to you, you seemed like a nice girl.** _

_**Even from afar, you seemed like a nice person. That is why I came to you. After what happened with Professor Lupin, I didn't think I could ask anyone else for help, because what happens if they don't help me either? What happens if they ignore my pleas for help? What then?** _

_**Maybe it's because I'm not a Gryffindor, or maybe because of my relationship with Draco I wasn't worth helping. You seemed to be helpful to everyone else, especially to your friends, that maybe my House or who I was dating wouldn't matter to you.** _

_**Looking back now at the whole thing, I know how very wrong I was. I thought you were different. Because of your muggle background, and your gentle nature that you wouldn't be like the others. I wish I never went to you in the first place, Hermione Granger.** _

* * *

Did Dean hear that right? Did Sam just say Hermione? Wow. Dean knew that he never really liked the girl, but he couldn't deny that he was shocked. By the look on Benny's face, he wasn't the only one.

_**There were parts of you that I did like. I may not have liked you like I could've with Luna...** _

NO! You're mine!

**_...but I could still appreciate it. I liked the fact that you took your work very seriously. I liked the fact that you were so focused. I liked that you were such a devoted friend to Ron and Harry._ **

**_I may not have been able to say it when I was alive, but I'll say it now. Putting aside what you did to me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what Draco did to you. I'm sorry for all the names he called you. I'm sorry I called you some of those things myself. I'm sorry he hurt you. I'm sorry for everything bad we did to you._ **

Don't apologize, Sam. She doesn't deserve it. None of deserve an apology from you.

* * *

_**Did you ever expect to be apart of this? Did you expect to find yourself responsible along with the others? I did. So why are you on here? Why are you apart of this? What did you do? I'll tell you.** _

_**Remember last year? Towards the end of the year? Remember what happened between us? I know you remember what you did. Are you crying? Do you regret it? Are you sorry? Well I don't want it. I don't want your sorry. I don't care if you regret it. I don't care if you feel horrible. I just don't care.** _

_**Anyway, it was around the end of last year when I came to you. Draco and I were on our way back to the common room when I heard your voice along with Ron and Harry's. I've been wanting to talk to you that whole day. I asked Draco if I could go to the restroom, and although he was annoyed he allowed me to go. Draco wasn't the type to wait, so I didn't have to worry about him.** _

_**As soon as he was out of sight, I went after you.** _

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean yelled out.

"What?" Benny asked looking up from the letter.

"Not only has that asshole raped and abused what's mine, but now he hurt him so much that Sam had to ask for permission to go to the restroom? I'm going to fucking skin him alive. And Sam's actually doing it."

"Can you blame him? I would be doing the same thing if it meant that my other wouldn't hurt me."

* * *

_**I didn't want to ask for help from a student, because they had no power over the students, but I didn't want to try my luck with another teacher. I didn't want too many people knowing what's been happening to me. I felt embarrassed enough, but I was going to try.** _

_**Even though a student had no power over the other students, maybe they won't be as busy as a teacher might be. They wouldn't have the same excuses as a teacher might. So maybe a student was my best option. After all, a student was around my age. They might understand where I'm coming from.** _

_**I found you three going up the stairs. Without thinking too much, I called after you. You heard me and was understandably surprised that it was me calling for you.** _

_**"Hermione, can I-"** _

_**That's when Ron stepped in front of you protectively. Did he forget that I'm gay? Or that I'm already going out with someone (a terrible someone, but a someone nonetheless)?** _

_**"What do you want, Campbell?" Ron asked angrily.** _

_**Seriously, can none of you see his aggressive nature?** _

_**I tried to be strong, even though I wanted to cower in his presence. I'm weak I know, but can you blame me? The more he stared me down, the smaller I was appearing.** _

_**"I just wanted to speak with Hermione." I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore, so sadly, I looked down.** _

_**"Why the hell would she want to speak to a slimy snake like you?" He turned his back on me which I was happy for.** _

_**"Please, Hermione. Can I please speak with you alone? I won't do anything."** _

_**You looked around unsure. I could understand that. "Is Malfoy with you?"** _

_**I shook my head. After some debate between you three, you eventually agreed to speak with me.** _

I hate you, Hermione, yet I'm so jealous of you.

* * *

_**We waited until Ron and Harry were too far up the staircases to hear us, and that's when I apologized for taking some of your time. I was being completely sincere. I was sorry. Like I said in the beginning, I don't understand how I was put in Slytherin.** _

_**You accepted my apology which shouldn't have made me as incredibly happy the way it did.** _

_**"What did you need to talk about?" you asked me.** _

_**I took a deep breath, "I really need your help."** _

_**"With what?"** _

_**I was about to open my mouth and tell you everything, but that's when I heard Draco calling my name. I checked my watch and I couldn't believe I was gone so long. It really didn't feel that long. I didn't want him to catch me with you or with anyone. I wasn't near a restroom, so I wouldn't be completely off the hook.** _

Let him catch you with me, and I'll fuck his ass up!

_**I asked you if we could meet that night. I explained to you that it was urgent and very important. I begged you to meet me that night, because I was in desperate need of help.** _

_**I know you were hesitant. Believe me, I didn't blame you for that. I promised you that I wouldn't trick you like Draco did with Ron and Harry first year. I was being very sincere in my words. My eyes were even glistening with tears. That must have convinced you, because you agreed to meet me at 7:00.** _

_**I sighed in relief, because after I tell you everything and what you would do to help me was going to be a great relief.** _

* * *

_**Next point on the map. Go.** _

Dean picked up the map and saw that it was Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Why would Sam pick that place to meet?

_**I didn't know were else to go, and I knew this place was empty all the time. I've been in the restroom a few times before because I wanted to see Moaning Myrtle myself. After I met her the first time, I actually found her company quite enjoyable.** _

_**When I arrived, I didn't see you. I wasn't bothered by it. I was quite early myself. Myrtle was there, and I kindly asked her if she could give me some privacy for awhile. Obviously she asked why, and I told her that I needed to speak to a friend and it was personal. She made me promise to tell her later, and I would. Thinking that everything was going to be fine, I didn't mind telling her.** _

_**I paced back and forth waiting for you. I checked my watch. It was 8:00. I shrugged it off. Maybe you were just late. Maybe you had to give Ron and Harry an excuse to come to me. Maybe you were finishing up your homework. Maybe you had to find a way to get here without getting caught. Or maybe... I was getting stood up.** _

_**I sat on the floor fighting back a lot of tears. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to cry anymore. I was tired of it. I checked my watch again. It was 9:30. You weren't coming.** _

You fucking bitch.

**_I rose to my feet and wiped away a few tears. I wasn't going to go find you. I wasn't going to come to you after this. This wasn't going to be like Professor Lupin. Even if I wanted to the year was almost over, what would be the point?_ **

**_I left the restroom and as I was walking around the corner, I bumped into someone. For a brief second I thought it was you. I thought you finally made it, and that I was going to get help. Unfortunately, it was Professor McGonagall. She glared at me and crossed her arms._ **

**_"Mr. Campbell, what are you doing wandering the halls this late at night?"_ **

**_I was tired, disappointed and hurt. I shrugged my shoulders, "Nothing, Professor."_ **

**_"Fifty points from Slytherin, and detention in my office tomorrow."_ **

**_I couldn't bring myself to care._ **

* * *

_**Despite you not showing up which hurt me very much, you want to know what hurt the most? It was what happened on my way from being escorted down to the dungeons. I passed a window, and I don't know what made me look out, but I did. You want to know what I saw?** _

_**I saw you and several other people outside near the Whomping Willow. It was a surprise that I could see anything with it being so late, but the moonlight hit you all just right.** _

_**"Mr. Campbell, please keep up."** _

_**I turned away from the window feeling so hurt. I pinched myself to prevent myself from crying. I needed to be strong. I was failing miserably.** _

You didn't fail Sam. You were strong until the very end.

* * *

**_I understand very much, that friends come before those you don't like. I get that. Hell, I would put him before any of you, but if someone in my situation came up to me and asked for help, I would still find a way to help them. He's a good person, he would help. He's good like that._ **

If you wanted me to help, I would. Other than that no, Sam.

_**What I don't understand is the next day when you saw me, you didn't come to me then? Maybe you forgot? Or maybe you didn't care enough to remember. Why couldn't you just spare me ten minutes of your time? I know I don't deserve it after what me and Draco and his friends put you, Ron and Harry through, but why?** _

_**I didn't have the courage to go to the Headmaster myself, which is why I came to you. I didn't have the courage to go to another teacher. I thought you could and would help me, because you seemed like that kind of person.** _

_**How wrong I was.** _

* * *

Dean's body is shaking when Benny came to the end of the letter. He's so angry. Why didn't Sam come to him? Why couldn't he have come and asked _him_ for help? Sam went to a teacher and a student that he knew didn't like him, and asked _them_ for help. What about him? If Sam loved him as much as he claimed he did, then why not him? Did Sam not love him enough for that?

If Sam went to him Dean would've dropped everything for him. He could've been in the middle of class, or speaking with his friends, or sleeping, and he would've done it. It didn't matter who Dean was with, he would've helped Sam. He could've been with Benny, or the Headmaster, or even the fucking Minister, and Dean would've left them to help him.

So, why?

He stood up and away from Benny. He shook his head. "I'm done."

Benny furrowed his brows, and rose to his feet. "What? What do you mean you're done?"

Dean turned to face and pushed him back. "Exactly what I said. I'm not reading any more letters. I don't want to hear Sam go to everyone but me and ask for help. I'm tired of hurting. I tired of this pain in my chest that hasn't gone away since Snape told me that he's dead."

Benny dropped the letter on the couch and faced his friend. "Listen to yourself. You're saying that you're not going to continue reading the letters that Sam, the guy that you've been in love with since he walked through the Great Hall to be sorted, wants you to read? I'm sorry he's dead, I truly am. I'm sorry that he's going to other people for help instead of you even though he's said numerous times that he's in love with you, but you have to keep going."

"Listen to him, Dean."

Dean and Benny's head whipped to the source of the voice. Seeing who it was, Dean turned away. "What the hell are you doing here, Cas?"

Castiel walked towards them when the door shut behind him. He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm here to make sure that you keep going until the very end."

"Well, I'm done. I'm not reading any more letters." Dean couldn't even believe in his own words.

Castiel stopped right in front of the couch. He looked down at the letters and frowned. Picking up the next letter, he handed it to Dean. "Read the next letter, and if you don't want to read any more, neither Benny nor myself will stop you."

Benny wanted to laugh at that. Who was he to say something like that? Castiel hasn't been around them for awhile. He was in no position to be saying things like that. "But he has to read them all."

Dean stared down the letter that Castiel held in front of him. He narrowed his eyes and looked at his former friend suspiciously. "How do you even know about the letters? Were you given them too? Do I have to kill you as well?" Regardless if they weren't friends anymore, Dean would feel very depressed if he had to kill Castiel too.

Castiel shook his head. "No, but please read the next letter."

Dean glared at Castiel, "Why?"

"Because," Castiel sighed and Dean could see so much sadness in his eyes, "the next letter is for you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, I have a question. Try to be as honest as you can. If a friend came up to you telling you that they've been raped, bullied, or abused whether it's by a family member or boy/girlfriend or spouse, or thought about committing suicide, would you help them?  
> What about if it was someone you didn't like, or didn't know? Would you still help them? Until next time. -Kauri510


	8. The Last Letter?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who answered my question in the previous chapter. You really didn't have to answer, because I just wanted you to think.

"I'm next?" Dean asked softly.

Castiel nodded. He slowly brought the letter back to him and looked down at it in envy. "I wasn't lying when I told you that I still love you. I've been wanting to wait to tell you, but I guess I waited too long. But even if we went out, he still would have came to the school. You would still have eyes for him."

Dean felt really bad for Castiel, because he knew how much he loved him and wanted them to be together. Dean didn't want to string him along, because he loved Castiel. Maybe not in the same way that he would ever love Sam, but in the same way as he loved Benny.

"I'm sorry, Cas." And he was.

Castiel smiled sadly and shook his head. "It's okay. As soon as Sam walked through the Great Hall to be sorted, I knew that you and I would never be together. The look in your eyes when you saw him, I knew my chance with you was gone. I still took a chance and told you how I felt hoping that there was a small possibility, but I knew there wasn't."

"Cas?" There was one thing he had been wanting to know since Castiel had shown up. Castiel looked up from the letter at him. "How do you know about the letters?"

Castiel took a deep breath. "Because I'm the one Sam sent the letters to just before he died. He wanted me to send the letters to Malfoy, and make sure that everyone after him read the letters."

"Why you?"

"I don't know. Sam and I never really talked before, and he never did say in the letter he sent me. I know how much you both love each other and because I love you, I made sure that I would honor his request. Because Sam loves you, and you love him, I cannot allow you to walk away without reading his letter for you. I don't care how much more powerful you are than me, I'm not letting you leave here without knowing what Sam went through for you."

Benny crossed his arms and asked, "Do you have the letter he sent to you?"

Castiel had a feeling that either Dean or Benny would ask about it, so he pulled it out of his pocket and held it out to them. Dean took it and unfolded the letter.

_**Castiel, my name is Sam Campbell. I'm a Slytherin in my fourth year. Along with this letter, there are thirteen others. I know you don't know me, but I hope that you won't let that stop you from doing a favor for me. I sent you these letters because as of right now I have committed suicide. In these letters you have received are thirteen reasons why I did it. The favor that I need from you is to read the copy of each letter and send them to the first person. I need you to make sure that everyone reads them and sends it to the next person after them. If they don't, the copies you have are to be shared to everyone in the school, but I can't force you to do anything. You can throw them away and I can't stop you. So even though you do not know me, I hope you can do this one thing for me. Thank you.** _

* * *

Dean hands him back the letter not knowing what to say. He knew that Castiel couldn't be lying since he knew about the letters, but he did suspect that Castiel shared a part just like the rest of them. Reading the letter, Castiel was certainly the one Sam picked.

Dean stared at the letter that Castiel was holding; his letter. The letter that was always meant for him. He's been wanting to know what he did to add to the many reasons why Sam killed himself. He's been wanting to get his letter over with since the beginning. He's been wanting that letter and now that it's his turn, he's not ready. Yet...

Castiel holds out the letter again, and Dean reaches for it. His mind is commanding him to walk away. His mind is ordering him not to take it. His mind is telling him that nothing will come from reading the letter and every one after. His mind is telling him that he should move on. His mind is telling him that he needs to let go. His mind is telling him that Sam wouldn't want him to dwell on the past.

But his heart is telling him to stay. His heart is begging him to read the letter and know the truth. His heart is telling him that he would never be able to move on. His heart is telling him that he would never be able to let go. His heart is telling him that whatever happens after this letter will determine his entire future. How? He didn't know.

"Why the hell didn't you say something before?!" Benny screamed at Castiel breaking the silence.

Dean's hands wouldn't stop shaking.

"I couldn't tell you anything. Dean had to wait until he got the letters himself." Castiel sceamed back.

His heart was beating erractically.

"That doesn't matter! You claim you love him, yet you do this to him. You knew how much he loves Sam, and you keep this from him! You're no better than everyone else on these damn letters, you asshole!" Benny pushed Castiel in anger.

Before Castiel can retaliate, Dean pushed out his magic to keep them apart. "ENOUGH!" Dean ordered.

Both boys looked at Dean. "I appreciate you giving me these letters, Cas, I do. I appreciate you doing what Sam asked you to. But the fact that you kept something this important from me, knowing that it was Sam, I can't forgive you for that. Then again, you might have stopped me from walking away from this letter. You stopped me from doing something I'll regret."

He turned to Benny. "I appreciate that you have my back on this, but you have to calm down. I want to be able to get through this letter without worrying about you two going at it. Understand?"

Both Benny and Castiel nodded glaring at each other.

"Cas, I don't know how long you knew we were here, but you might not want to stick around."

"Why is that?"

"Because we're going after everyone that shared a part in Sam's death."

"I knew you guys would come to that decision which is why I'm not leaving."

"You don't have to do that."

"I walked away from you last year, I won't do it again."

* * *

Dean unfolded the letter and took a deep breath. This was it.

_**Is it possible to love someone too much? Is it possible to want someone too much? Is it possible to want to be with someone so bad that you don't care about anything else? Is it possible that even though you want to be with someone, that being apart is the best option?** _

_**From my experience... yes. Because the person that I want to be with more than anything or anyone is too good for me.** _

_**I need to apologize. One of you who received these letters doesn't belong with the others. One of you doesn't belong in the same category as the others. One of you did nothing wrong. One of you could** _ **do** _**no wrong... not to me. Not ever.** _

Dean looked up at Castiel. "I don't understand." But Castiel didn't say anything.

_**In every letter before this one, I've spoken about someone that I love more than anything and anyone in this world. Someone that I love with all my heart and soul. Someone that I stare at during dinner, and through the halls. Someone that I imagine being with instead of Draco. Someone that I wish was the one that I slept with every night. Someone that I wish held me when I needed it and even when I didn't. Someone that I wanted to be my first. Someone that I wanted to call mine. Someone that I wanted to belong to.** _

_**Well, that someone is included with you all. Not for the same reason as you. That someone also received these letters. That someone is you... Dean Winchester.** _

* * *

_**I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart for involving you in this. I originally only had twelve people in mind when I set out to write these letters, but I knew that if I didn't send you one as well, I would never get the chance to ever tell you what's been on my mind since I walked through the Great Hall. This was my last chance, and I couldn't not take it even under these circumstances.** _

_**All throughout my time writing these letters I've said that I love you, and I mean that. I've lied in the past, and if I was still alive I would lie in the future. I've lied when I said that I wanted to be with Draco. I've lied to him when I said I was nothing without him. I've lied when I said that nothing was wrong when a teacher asked me. I've lied when I told my parents that I was happy here. I've lied when I told them that I really like being a Slytherin. I've lied just like everyone else, but I've never lied when it came to my feelings for you.** _

_**I've said that I love you so much, and I'll say it again. I love you, Dean Winchester. I don't know how you feel about me, or if you even know who I am. If you don't know who I am or if you don't feel anything for me, that's okay. My broken heart would shatter if you didn't, but I'm okay with that.** _

Don't say that.

* * *

_**I'm sorry for putting this all on your shoulders whether you felt the same way or not. The last thing I want to ever do is hurt you. I would rather spend the rest of my life in Azkaban, be tortured forever by Voldemort, or even be Kissed a million times than hurt you.** _

_**It's not fair that you get these letters, and it's not fair that I made you think that you did anything to me. If you didn't believe me the first time, please believe me now. You didn't do anything wrong to me. If you were to hurt me, then I don't care. Nothing you could ever do to me would be enough to put you in the same boat as the others or anyone else for that matter.** _

You're wrong Sam. I do belong with the others. I didn't see how much you were hurting. I didn't see how badly you needed help. I didn't see that you needed me just as much as I needed you.

_**When I walked through the Great Hall in my first year was when I first saw you. I saw you look at us first years, and for a moment your eyes landed on me. I knew right then and there that you were mine.** _

I will always be yours, and you will always be mine even in death.

_**I looked away blushing so much. My heart practially stopped beating right then and there because it couldn't handle how beautiful you are. I saw that you were in Gryffindor, and I wanted more than anything to be in the same House as you. I knew how much my family wanted me to either be in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but at the time I didn't care.** _

_**The entire train ride to the school, I kept telling myself that I was fine with whichever House I was put in, and it was the truth. But when I saw what House you were in, that truth became another lie.** _

_**I begged the hat over and over to put me in Gryffindor, but it told me that my future was in Slytherin. I wanted to cry hearing that I wouldn't be with you. I didn't want to be anywhere but Gryffindor. The hat told me that my destiny was to be put in Slytherin. I remember I told the hat that someone I love more than air was in that House, but it wouldn't listen to me.** _

_**It told me, "You will get everything you want and more in Slytherin."** _

_**"But I need him."** _

_**"Trust me." And that was that. Seconds later I was put in a House that wasn't all that friendly with your House. A House that you were not in.** _

* * *

_**After I sat down, I saw you across the Hall. You were looking in my direction, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that you were looking at me. After all, why would you look at me when you could be looking at someone in another House. I knew the kind of relationship that Gryffindors had with the Slytherins.** _

_**Every single day after, I would see you walking through the halls going to your classes. I would even be late for class because I would watch you and even follow you when I could. I know I'm a stalker. Sorry.** _

_**Every one of those days that I saw you, I wanted to go up to you and say hi. I wanted to go to you and tell you that I love you, but I didn't want to scare you off. I knew you were older than me, and I didn't want you to look at me like some little kid. Maybe that's what I was, but I didn't want you to see me as that and nothing more.** _

You're so much more than just some kid. You're everything that I could ever want and need.

* * *

_**Dean, I'm sorry for telling you all this, but I need to be able to go through with this knowing that in some way I did tell you how I felt.** _

_**It's strange, isn't it? I keep saying that I love you so much, yet I go through with killing myself. How could I do that if I love you? How could I give up when I needed you? How could I die without you?** _

_**And I'm not sure if I know the right answer to those questions. Are there any right answers when talking about committing suicide? I could say that the pain I was feeling on a daily basis was too much. I could say that what I went through since I arrived here was too much. I could say that the abuse I endured drove me to it. I could say a lot of things, but are any of those the right answers? No.** _

_**I guess in my heart, the 'right' answer is I was too afraid of being rejected by you. I don't know why your acceptance of my love or even my friendship is so important to me, but I know that I need it. Maybe we knew each other in a past life. Maybe we were together in that life. Maybe you were my future. Whatever it is It's like a necessity that my soul needs and didn't know that until the moment I saw you.** _

_**Normally people need food, water and shelter to keep breathing, but not me. I stopped needing 'normal' the moment I saw you. You are all I need. Everything else is simply what I want. Food, water and shelter will keep me moving and continuing to the next day, but that's not what I need. I don't want to simply go on from one day to the next, I want to live.** _

_**Seeing you for the first time, I suddenly knew the difference between surviving and living. Until I walked through those doors, I was simply surviving.** _

I don't even want to _survive_ without you.

* * *

_**I must confess something to you, Dean. Even if you can't return my feelings or don't even know who I am, a few of these letters must have confused you. I want to erase that confusion.** _

_**I suspect that you are wondering why I went to other people concerning what I've gone through instead of you when I've said that I love you. Maybe you will never understand my reasons, or maybe you won't even care now that you know you didn't do anything wrong to me.** _

I care more than you will ever know.

_**I went to others, because I didn't want you to see me as the mess I am. I wanted to get myself together before I went to you. How could I ever expect you to love me when I can't even love myself first? I wanted my situations dealt with, before I took the chance of telling you how I felt. I wanted to be able to love myself, before I put myself out there.** _

_**I went to others, simply because you deserve better than me. You deserve better than someone who has gone through what I have. You deserve someone who hasn't gone back to the one person who has abused them. You deserve someone who doesn't insult and hurt other people. You deserve someone who is pure. You deserve someone who isn't weak and can't be helped. You don't deserve someone who isn't fucked up in mind and body. You deserve someone... who isn't me.** _

You're wrong, Sam.

* * *

_**There isn't much to put in this letter, because there's not much to say to you. I could go on and on about how much I love you, but that wouldn't be fair to you when you might not feel the same.** _

_**I could go on and say that even though I've never spoken to you, everything that I lost I found in you. Not one thing that I saw when I watched you makes me question my love for you.** _

_**I could say that whatever kind of wizard you turned out to be, bad or good, I would follow you to the end of time. I would follow you wherever you went, whatever you chose to do. If you wanted to save the Wizarding World in ways that our Savior wouldn't and the muggle world, then we'll save it. If you wanted to be the next Dark Lord, I would turn my back on everyone that I called friend or family. If you wanted to murder the world, then goodbye world.** _

_**I want to say to you is I love you so much and that I'm so sorry for everything you went through from the first letter to now and maybe after this is all done. I'm sorry for dumping my feelings onto you when I don't even know if you're into guys or if you're in a relationship or into me.** _

Yes! I love you.

 _**Every night as I'm going to sleep, I pray. I prayed that God would bring me someone that would love me. I prayed that God would show me that someone** _ **could** _**love me and want me for me. I prayed that God would show me that someone in this fucked up world could tell me that I'm worth saving. I prayed to God for somebody to save me.** _

_**For three years, my prayers went unanswered. Or at least I thought they did. God showed me someone. He showed me you. He showed me that you could love me and want me in every way that I need. God showed me that you are the one that could and would save me.** _

_**I'm just sorry that I couldn't wait for that day to come.** _

_**So is there a reason why concerning you? No, not really. But I guess just to give a reason why, I blame you for being everything that I want in a boyfriend, husband and soul mate. I blame you for everything that's right in the world.** _

_**To bring this letter to a close, I want to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to believe that love really does exist. Even if I never got to receive that love, I now know that it's real. Thank you for simply existing. Even though I'm dead and I wasn't strong enough to keep going, thank you for giving me a reason to live.** _

_**Love,** _

_**Sam Campbell** _

* * *

Castiel listened as Dean finished the letter. Dean just sat the letter in his lap not speaking to either of them. He just stared down at the letter containing his love's words.

"Dean?" Nothing.

Benny had gotten used to Dean not speaking after certain letters, but this one letter was different. This one was specifically meant for him, and him alone. As Benny listened as Dean read the letter, he noticed several things. For one, Dean's voice never cracked. He didn't have to stop because the emotions were getting to him. He noticed that Dean read the letter as if it was from his mother; like it was any old letter. That's what worried him more than anything else. If Dean's voice sounded strong, his inner thoughts were a mess.

Castiel just sat there looking at his former best friend. The entire time that he had been watching the others read and some even went to the locations that Sam wanted them to go to, he had been waiting for this moment. He had been wondering what was going to happen when Dean got the letters. He could only imagine what he was feeling when he read the first letter. He was extremely sorry that Dean had been wondering what he did to Sam to get these letters when in the end he didn't do anything. The one thing he had been thinking about was what was going to happen when Dean finished his letter. When Castiel read a copy of each letter, he knew damn well that Dean was never going to finish the letters, which is why he said what he did. Once Dean read his letter and finding out what Sam had to say to him, there would be no point in reading the rest.

Dean stared down at the letter in his lap, but he wasn't seeing the letter or even anything in front of him. He was staring at each person dying at his hands. He was seeing them all beg for mercy. He was seeing each person say they were sorry for what they did and wish they could take it back. He was seeing them all say whatever Dean might want to hear so their lives could be spared. But that's the thing. That wouldn't be what he wanted. He wanted them all to suffer at his hands for what they did to a wonderful person. He wanted them all to see what happens to those that hurt what is his.

Before this day came, he had pictured the life he and Sam would have. Dean would've asked him on a date. Dean would've kissed him and watch as he blushed beautifully. Dean would've made their first time memorable even if it got awkward. Dean would've been there when he finally finished school, and whatever Sam wanted to do after he would follow him. When Dean felt that it was the right time, he would've asked if Sam would travel the world with him.

Then when they had their fights and needed their time apart, Dean would do whatever it took to make him smile. He would apologize even if it wasn't his fault.

When they got old enough, Dean would've asked Sam if he wanted to marry him. Then when they were both ready, Dean would've asked Sam how he felt about kids, and if he wanted them they would talk about adoption. Then they would grow old together and watch their kids have their own kids. Then they would die together with Dean holding Sam in his arms. If Sam wanted it, they would even spend their after life together.

Dean would've made it his life mission to make Sam the happiest man in the world. Dean would've made it impossible for Sam to ever question his worth or to even question being alive.

But now, because of twelve people, none of that would ever happen. Now those were nothing but dreams...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do you think the title is what it is? Until next time. -Kauri510


	9. A Second Chance?

"Dean?" Benny said quietly. Dean had been quiet long enough. Now Benny was just getting nervous. "Are you okay?"

Dean rose to his feet and turned his back on his friends. "I'm nowhere near okay." Dean sighed. "This is the end of the road for me."

Benny furrowed his brows. He walked around Dean to face him. What he saw actually scared him and he's never been afraid of Dean... never. He knew it was from the angle of the lighting, but from where he was standing, it looked as if Dean's eyes were black. He looked like a demon possessed.

"You don't mean that." Benny couldn't believe that he meant what he said. "We're going to finish the letters and then come up with a plan for what we're going to do."

Dean chuckled with no hint of humor. He shook his head. "No, I'm afraid _we're_ not doing anything like that. I'm not reading any more letters."

"What are you talking about? You have to. Sam wanted you to-"

Dean pushed Benny back at the mention of Sam's name. "Don't you dare talk to me about what Sam wanted. You don't even know him."

Benny glared at his friend. "And you do? Look! I don't want to fight with you. We've been fighting more about these letters than anything else since we became friends. I know you're angry and hurt, but you have to keep reading. We need to know about everyone."

Dean tilt his head, "Why?" Before Benny could answer, he turned around to look at Castiel. "You read all the letters, right?" Castiel nodded. "Then tell me. Now."

* * *

 

All three boys stayed where they were. Dean was too angry to move. Benny was too scared that he would piss Dean off even more, and Castiel just didn't feel like moving in case he needed to stop his friends from fighting.

"Okay, but if I'm going to tell you-"

Dean smirked, "I'm sorry. If? No you _are_ going to tell me."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "- you cannot interrupt me." Neither Dean nor Benny responded. Castiel took a deep breath. "The person after you is Harry Potter. What not a lot of people know is that Sam and Harry were actually friends on the train in their first year. Ron came in and saw the two and they all just became friends."

Benny was confused. "Then why is it just Harry, Ron and Hermione?"

"Well, if you would shut up and let me finish I'll tell you," Castiel snapped.

Benny pulled out his wand, and Castiel followed. Dean stepped in between them using his magic to keep both boys in place.

"Knock it off. Nothing will fucking go in our favor if you two can't be civil. Now, stop it!"

Both boys glared at each other, but obeyed Dean.

"Harry and Ron stopped being Sam's friend because he was put in Slytherin. Apparently Ron told Harry that there hasn't been a witch or wizard that hasn't gone bad who wasn't in Slytherin. Why be friends with Sam if he was just going to go bad in the future? Anyway, Sam still wanted to be Harry's friend, but he refused. After awhile, Sam gave up and moved on.

"Around the end of their second year, Sam went to Harry after he was raped by Malfoy. He felt that Harry would take him seriously and help him. Harry is our savior, so why wouldn't he help? Anyway, to make a long story short, Sam snuck away to ask Harry for help and when Harry agreed to help him after dinner, he never showed up. Turns out Harry went to go save Ron's sister. Malfoy caught him and hurt him again."

Dean stared off into the distance angry. He scoffed in disgust, "Golden Trio my ass."

Castiel went on to explain that after Harry, it was Meg Masters. In Sam's third year, they were being taught about Bogarts. Bogarts would turn into a person's worst fear when standing before them. It was Sam's turn, and everyone was shocked to see what it was. It was Dean. No one understood why, but Malfoy was angry with Sam.

Sam couldn't do anything, because at first he was confused and didn't know why Dean was his worst fear. Until it started speaking. According to Sam's letter, the Bogart Dean had said a few nasty things. Not everyone heard it, but Lupin did for sure. Apparently it said things like it would never love Sam. It said with so much disgust that he hates Sam. That nothing in the world will ever make him love Sam.

How do you turn that into something funny?

Meg and her friends obviously heard it. Sam didn't know it, but Meg had a huge crush on Malfoy. After Sam's Muggle Studies class, Meg told him that Malfoy wanted to meet him in a certain classroom. Sam didn't want to argue so he listened to her. When he arrive at the classroom, he was locked in. The only other exit was near a closet. A friend of Meg's opened the closet door and out came the Bogart. Sam couldn't get rid of it.

She had done that a few more times after that in different ways. None of those times did Sam ever turn it into something funny. How could he?

* * *

 

Bella Talbot wasn't as terrible. She simply just tormented him about what she and the other Slytherins saw Malfoy do to Sam. She would constantly tease and make fun of him. She even got others to do it, but never where anyone from another House or Professor could see.

The entire Slytherin House was made to believe that they had to keep up appearances in front of others. They had stick with each other outside of the common room. Anyone in Slytherin have come to realize that it didn't matter what you did to each other inside the common room, only what you did around others.

In the presence of someone else, Slytherins were to protect each other. Alone, it was every Slytherin for themselves.

* * *

 

Ruby Cortese was next. She was Sam's best friend. From reading the letter, Castiel found out that Sam went to her and told her everything because he was reaching his breaking point. He was getting very close to committing suicide, and he felt that Ruby would help him.

Since Ruby was in Slytherin, it was easy for Sam to go to her. Sam wasn't allowed friends that Malfoy didn't approve of. So Sam and Ruby agreed to be friends in secret.

On the train ride after their third, Sam told her what's been happening to him. It wasn't the first time Sam told her something like this. He had told her in the past certain things, but Ruby told him to not to report it. She told him that if he did say something, then with the Malfoys' power his life could get a lot worse.

As the years went on, Ruby said the same thing over and over. During the summer before their fourth year, Ruby had reached her limit. When Sam told her what Hermione did, Ruby yelled at him. She told him to either suck it up, or keep it to himself. She said that she was tired of constantly hearing Sam mope and cry. She told him that there were worse things that he could go through. Sam felt horrible because Ruby was supposed to be his best friend, but she didn't want a friend that was constantly in a depressing mood.

Sam apologized, and never spoke to her again.

* * *

 

After Ruby was Lilith. Lilith was Sam's other best friend. She was in Gryffindor that came from a Slytherin family. Despite her snarky attitude she was everything a Gryffindor was. She didn't care about what House Sam was in. She liked him.

When Sam told her what happened with Ruby, she was furious. She really cared about Sam and hated what had happened to him. She gave him advise, and hated it when Sam begged her not to say anything. Sam cared about her well being, and didn't want her to get hurt if something were to happen that they couldn't afford.

Dean was a little confused as to why Sam would include her if she was such a good friend. According to Castiel, just after Sam told her about Ruby, Malfoy found out about his friendship with Lilith, and confronted them both. Lilith had given him so much courage that he stood up to Malfoy, but he didn't like that.

Sam was about to break it off with him, and tell him that both him and Lilith were going to report him along with everyone else but when Malfoy threatened Lilith, she backed off. Sam begged her not to be afraid of him, but the threat was too much. Lilith told Sam that she hated him, and that she never wanted to see him again. She insulted Sam to the point that _she_ even believed what she was saying.

Sam was hurt by what she was saying, but he didn't want to give up on her. When they were ordered to leave, Sam stayed. Lilith called her parents and lied to them saying that Sam was harassing her. Sam was thrown off their property. Malfoy was waiting for him and beat him really bad. Sam never talked back to Malfoy again.

* * *

 

Nick and Alastair were next. Their letters were basically the same because they hurt Sam together. Sam had explained in his letter that Nick and Alastair were horrible to him despite being friends with Malfoy. He was always groped by them, and when he begged Malfoy to tell them to stop he was slapped. He never did it again.

On the night they came back for their fourth year, Sam said that Malfoy was arguing with Nick and Alastair. Malfoy went back to their room and ordered Sam to go with him. When Sam did, Malfoy told him about a bet they made. Malfoy didn't explain what it was, but told Sam that he couldn't pay what he owed. They both showed up in a room that was for the Head Boy.

The Head Boy was none other than Nick. Sam had asked what they were doing, and Malfoy told him that they're paying what he owed them. Nick and Alastair entered the room, and attacked Sam. Malfoy stood by and watched. Sam didn't go into detail. He just ended the letter with **_'...never really gave it much thought, but now I know that threesomes will never be my thing.'_**

* * *

 

Dean's body was shaking with so much anger. He was pacing back and forth trying to get himself under control. He didn't care about his magic reacting. He didn't even care if it hit either Castiel or Benny. He just didn't care.

Castiel stopped talking. He looked tired, and Dean could tell that he hated having to say what Sam's letters said. He felt just as disgusted and angry as Dean did. When Castiel finished the letters before he sent them off, he couldn't understand how much bad luck could happen to one person. What did Sam ever do to deserve a life like the one he had to live?

Dean had been asking the same question ever since he started with these damn letters. What could sweet and gentle Sam have done to get this kind of life? What did he do? Was he the devil in a past life? Did he kill millions of people? Did he start the apocalypse? What?! Did he betray those he loved in a past life? What did he do? Because nothing he could ever do would justify hurting him to this degree or any!

He stopped pacing and looked back at Castiel who was still standing in the same position when he first started talking. Benny had moved to the couch hating what he was hearing.

"Who's number thirteen?" Dean asked.

Sam had said that the last person had made the most impact on him. Who was it? If it wasn't him or his best friends then who? After all the shit that Malfoy had done to Sam, he was surprised that he wasn't the last. He had done something to him in practically every letter. He made an appearance when it was someone else that Sam was talking to. So, if it's not the world's worst boyfriend and human being, then who?

Castiel rubbed his neck obviously not wanting to say, but the look on Dean's face convinced him to speak. He sighed. "It was Snape."

That... was not what either Benny or Dean was expecting. Another teacher? His Head of House was the last one? The teacher that hated everything he came into contact with? The teacher that no one liked? He was the last one? He was the one that made had the strongest impact on Sam?

"What did he do?" asked Benny.

"When I first realized it was Snape, I couldn't believe it, "Castiel said. "What could he do to Sam when he was horrible to everyone? I thought I read it wrong, because Snape favored his House."

"What did he do to Sam?" Dean asked louder.

"It was a few days before Sam killed himself. He had written every letter before him. He said that he was going to try to get help one more time. If Snape could help him then he would just throw the other letters away and no one would know about it, because there would be no point. Sam said that if this didn't work, he was going to stop trying."

Sam had gone to Snape's office one night and asked if he could speak to him because it was very important. No one outside of the Slytherin House knew, but Snape really did care about his House because no one else would take the time to listen to them. Snape knew that his House was filled with troubled students, and he wanted to help them. So when Sam went to him, Snape allowed it.

He really wanted help, because Sam didn't want to die. He wanted to be with Dean and possibly have a future with him. Being with Dean was the most important thing to him.

Just like with Lupin, Sam told him everything. Snape gave him his complete attention, and never once interrupted him. Sam was really hopeful that Snape was going to help him, because he was the Head of his House. He didn't think there was a possibility that Snape _wouldn't_ help him.

By the end of it, Snape told him that he was going to help him. Sam was happy with this, and thought about going to Dean the next day and tell him exactly what he felt toward him. He was excited about it.

Snape told Sam that they were going to go straight to the Headmaster and tell him everything. Then the Headmaster would call for Aurors, and Sam would never be hurt again. Sam couldn't be more happy with this. He was about ready to go with him, when Snape got a fire call from the Headmaster.

The Headmaster needed Snape to do some business for him that was concerning the Tournament that they would host that year. Snape tried to interrupt Dumbledore to tell he couldn't, but the Headmaster didn't give him the chance. He ended the call right away expecting Snape to go to his office. He was conflicted on what he should do.

Snape told Sam to wait in his office while he spoke to Dumbledore. He had to make sure that Dumbledore knew Sam was coming, and not to say anything that he shouldn't in the presence of a student. Sam was a little sad, but agreed to wait. Snape said that he wouldn't take that long. He would be back for him in a matter of a half an hour.

All Sam could think about was that Snape was going to help him, so he didn't mind waiting. Ten minutes turned to twenty. Twenty turned into fifty. Fifty turned into two hours. Sam had woken up to find that it was morning and Snape never came back.

Sam didn't want to jump to any conclusions, so he went to the Headmaster's office, but he didn't know the password. He found a passing teacher, and asked if they had seen Snape. The teacher told him that Snape had gone with the Headmaster somewhere and they would be back by dinner.

By dinner the Headmaster and Snape were there talking to each other. Sam had thought they were talking about him, and when Sam went up to Snape and asked what was going to be done, Snape didn't know what Sam was talking about. Snape was so busy with whatever he was doing with Dumbledore that he had forgotten about Sam.

Sam didn't bother reminding Snape...

* * *

 

Dean screamed when Castiel finished. "That's it! I'm going to fucking kill them all." Dean made his way to the door. Castiel rushed after him and pointed his wand at Dean. Dean stopped. "What are you doing? You said you were going to help me."

Castiel shook his head. "I never said I was going to help you kill anyone. I said I wasn't leaving and I'm not."

Dean looked him up and down in disgust. "Then get out of my way. I was fine with Benny helping. I don't need you." Dean walked around Castiel with Benny following.

"You don't want to do that."

Dean stopped and looked back at him. "Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Because I'm about to make you an offer. An offer that you will not be able to refuse. You can either walk out that door and you kill everyone that hurt Sam or you can stop and listen to what I have to say. Your choice."

Dean growled. He looked at the door that he stood in front of. He has been wanting to kill everyone who hurt Sam since he finished Malfoy's. He's been wanting to torture them all for what they did. He's been so angry and hurt that people actually thought they could get away with what they did. Sam was his, and no one gets away with hurting what is his. Sam was dead, but that didn't mean that his killers were going to get away with what they did.

Dean touched the door ready to open it.

"Dean, wait." Benny touched his shoulder not caring if he was hot to the touch. "You know I'm with you until the end, but why don't we listen to what Cas has to say? What do we have to lose? If you don't like what he says, then we'll go and kill them all."

Dropping his hand, he turned around. "What are you offering?"

"How would you like to stay out of prison and be the happiest man alive?"

* * *

 

All three boys sat on the couch as Castiel began to explain that ever since he read the letters, he knew that Dean would want revenge. Castiel loved Dean enough not to let him throw his whole life away. In no way could he watch Dean murder people, no matter how much they deserved it, when there was something Castiel could do to stop it.

Dean didn't think Castiel really had anything useful to offer. He figured that Castiel really only wanted to stall him in his plan. He was only listening to the other boy only because they really did need to come up with a plan to get his revenge. They needed to wait until everyone was in the same room, since he couldn't get into the Slytherin and Ravenclaw common rooms. Breakfast would be the best opportunity. If that didn't work, then he and Benny would just seek them out individually.

"Just get to it, Cas. What are you offering?" Dean said interrupting the boy.

Castiel sighed. "I'm offering you a chance to be happy. To get what you want."

Dean scoffed and looked away. "My chance of being happy is gone. What I want is Sam."

Castiel chuckled. "Exactly."

Dean faced him in obvious confusion. Castiel was just smiling at him like he was the one with all the answers, and Dean didn't like that at all.

* * *

 

Benny slowly stood up not looking away from Castiel. "What are you talking about?"

Castiel pulled out a small book from his back waistband, and showed it to them. It looked like a small worn out journal. All that was on the cover was of a pentacle surrounded by flames. Dean had never seen it before, but it felt familiar.

"What is that?" he asked.

"It's an old family diary. It was my father's before he left my mom. She had said that he was into some weird shit that he learned from the States. I went through the book when I was younger, but I remember seeing a spell in here that would be able to help us." Castiel flipped from page to page.

Dean and Benny exchanged a few looks. When Castiel was still their friend, Dean learned that Castiel's father had left his mother when he was a small child. His father had told Castiel that he would come back, but never did. It left a huge impact on Castiel even though he always brushed it off as if it was nothing, but both Dean and Benny believed otherwise.

"What kind of spell?" Dean asked.

Castiel didn't answer right away. He just kept flipping from page to page. Dean was about to repeat himself, until Castiel announced that he found it. He turned the book where both Dean and Benny could see. Dean's eyes widened. It couldn't be.

"Will it work?" There was no way Dean could get his hopes up only for it to be crushed. He needed this more than anything, and he'll give up anything to make it work.

Castiel smirked. "Only one way to find out."

* * *

 

All three boys sprung into action. They looked over what they were going to need, and they set out to get exactly what was needed. None of the boys were completely sure that it would work, but they had to try. They couldn't just not do anything when there was a small possibility that something could be done about it.

The spell required it to be done before dawn but after midnight. Dean checked his watch and they had an hour before they would have to wait another night. Castiel had suggested that they should wait so they can study the spell, but Dean refused. He was not going to pass this up. He was afraid that if he waited until the next night, he was not going to be able to stop himself from going with his plan to kill everyone that hurt Sam.

Other than the time limit, the spell only needed five things. Two of which they already had, and two the Room could provide. The fifth was going to be tricky. Only because a certain teacher had it, and they didn't know how they were going to do it; all they knew was that they had to no matter what.

Benny carried the bag (the Room provided it) with the tools they needed along with the book. Castiel had the map that he had stolen from Harry Potter. The one that Sam gave with the letters didn't show where everyone was. Dean didn't even bother asking how he even managed to get into the Gryffindor Common Room or how he even knew where it was in Harry's possessions. Dean led them all throughout the hallways since he was more powerful than the other two.

It took some time, because they had to hide from passing teachers who were walking the halls. Dean had to jinx Peaves to keep him quiet. Castiel had to guide them through the fastest route. Dean checked his watch again and saw that they had thirty-five minutes left. They had to hurry.

* * *

 

They finally arrived at where they needed to go. Dean peaked inside the room, but didn't see anyone. He looked back at Castiel. "Where is she?"

Castiel scanned the map. His eyes landed on a name. "McGonagall's at the courtyard, but it seems she's making her way back. We have to hurry."

Dean pointed his wand at the lock and with an enhanced _Alohamora_ , the door opened. They quietly went inside.

"Are you sure she even has it?"

Castiel nodded. "She doesn't use it, but she has it. She gave it to Hermione last year, but apparently she gave it back."

Castiel went into McGonagall's office since he was the only one who knew where to look. Dean watched the map as the Professor was walking back inside the castle. With the way she was walking, they had maybe a good twenty-five minutes before she came back.

"Cas, hurry!" Benny yelled.

Minutes went by when finally Castiel came back looking pleased. He opened his hand and showed them what they came for. He set it down next to a bowl and a knife. He looked over the directions, and began to follow them.

* * *

 

As Castiel went through the steps, Dean kept thinking about a particular item. He kept going back and forth from leaving it to getting it. He went through the pros and cons, and when the cons outweighed the pros, he knew it didn't matter. He had to go back and get it. Coming to this decision, he spoke up. "Cas, how long will this take?"

Castiel was busy cutting Benny's hand after he had cut his. He looked down at the book, "About a couple more minutes. Why?"

But Dean didn't answer. He went through his head determining the right time. After a minute of debating with himself, he decided when. Castiel went to grab Dean's hand to cut his as well, but Dean pulled back.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked. "I thought you wanted to do this?"

"I do, but I have to go to the library for something." Dean said making his way to the door.

Both Castiel and Benny's jaw dropped. "What the-. The library? Now? You can't wait until this is over? Get back here and let's do this!"

Dean shook his head. "If we do this, it won't be there. I can't leave it behind. I'll be back soon."

And that was the end of it. Dean ran out of the classroom leaving Castiel and Benny behind. Castiel and Benny looked at each other in worry.

* * *

 

Castiel checked the time, and saw that they had fourteen minutes left until sunrise. They needed every one of those minutes if they wanted this to work. None of them could afford waiting until that night. Castiel had watched the map closely making every attempt he could to stop McGonagall from coming back before Dean did. He used every spell that he could think of that would work without actually being in the same room as her.

But Castiel couldn't do it anymore. He tried everything he could. Her magic was far more better and experienced than his. She was right down the hall and Dean still wasn't back. His name showed that he was coming back, but he wouldn't be here before she came. They had eight minutes. They were going to get busted. Both he and Benny watched the door waiting for her to come.

* * *

 

Dean was practically out of breath. He got what he wanted, but he was running out of time. He was down the hall very close to McGonagall's office. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her standing just ten feet away and three feet away from the door to her office.

She crossed her arms glaring at him. "Mr. Winchester, what are you doing? You should be in your bed."

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it. Not because he was scared or didn't know what to say, but in anger. She was the one who punished Sam after Granger stood him up. She didn't even bother asking if he was alright when it was clear that he wasn't. He slowly took out his wand. She stepped back in alarm.

"What are you doing?"

Dean didn't waste his time saying anything to her. He pointed his wand at her and before she could pull out hers, he screamed, "EXPELLIAMUS!" The spell hit her, and she went flying back crashing into the wall at the far back.

* * *

 

Castiel's heart skipped a beat at what he just heard. Did Dean really just attack a teacher? He watched as Dean came rushing into the office. He didn't have time to say anything, because Dean cut his hand and let his blood drip onto the Time Turner.

"Cas?"

Castiel shook his head not having heard Dean. "What?"

"We have five minutes. What now?"

"I already laid out the salt around us. The spell requires a sacrifice for everyone that is going back. Not a blood sacrifice, but a personal one. We have to give up something that represents something from our lives that has value."

Dean looked between the two boys before him. "You guys don't have to do this. I can do it on my own from here."

Castiel smiled. "I'm going with you."

"I didn't do all this just to back away now." Benny knew they were running out of time, so he went first. "My girlfriend gave me this necklace when we first started dating. She knew I had found vampires fascinating. So, I sacrifice my love for her." He took off the necklace of a vampire fang he's been wearing for four years, and he dropped it into the bowl. As soon as he did, blue smoke appeared covering the bowl's contents.

Castiel followed suit. He unclipped a necklace from around his neck. "This is the only thing I really have of my dad before he left us. He gave this to me promising that he would come back to me. I sacrifice my faith in him." The necklace was a pair of angel wings, and he dropped the necklace into the bowl. The blue smoke became bigger and lighter.

Dean sighed. He took off a ring that he's been wearing for as long as he could remember. He doesn't remember there ever being a day where he wasn't wearing it. "This is a wedding ring that belonged to my real mother before she died when I was four. I remember she told me that angels were watching over me. When my dad remarried, he gave this to me. I sacrifice my loyalty to her." He dropped it into the bowl.

Castiel picked up the time turner. "It can take us back a maximum of three years. Do you want to go back just before Sam died?"

Dean shook his head. "No. Go back two years."

Castiel looked up at him confused. "Why two-" He stopped when he figured out why that many years. "If we go that far, we can't come back."

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "There's nothing to come back to."

Castiel turned the time turner and dropped it into the bowl. The blue smoke turned red and began to spread out around them. They watched as it became thicker and thicker. Castiel informed them as long as they stayed inside the circle of salt, they would be fine. But as soon as the red smoke turned white, that would be it. No second thoughts. No going back.

Then again, why would they want to?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why would I send them back a year and a half instead of before Sam died? Or why not the whole three years? Why a sacrifice? What was the point of that? Until next time. -Kauri510


	10. We Belong Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like happy endings. I've thought about many ways to bring this story to an end, but they were all too outrageous and out there. This might not be what a lot of you were expecting, but I hope you still like it.

Dean saw the white smoke surround them all. Even though it was smoke, it was bright like a light. It became so bright that he had to cover his eyes. He put his arm over his eyes and prayed that this was going to work. He needed it to work. If it did, he was going to save Sam. If it was the last thing he ever did, he was going to save him.

"Dean, are you all right?"

Dean slowly brought down his arm which was covering his eyes. He looked around and saw that he was in the Great Hall. Everyone around him in all the Houses were just eating dinner, talking like nothing out of the ordinary just happened.

The one who asked if he was all right was Fred (or George). "Uh, yeah."

Everyone went back to their dinner. Dean didn't bother with his food. He thought back to the spell that Castiel had done. He needed them to be sent back a year and a half, so that would mean that they were around the middle of his fourth year. He looked across from him and saw that Benny and Castiel were just as confused as he was.

"It worked," Dean said in disbelief.

Benny looked at each of them and then around at the other students. "For it only being two years, you two don't look that much different," he chuckled. He was about to open his mouth to say something else, but Castiel had cut him off.

"Yeah, it worked. But we came back here for a reason."

At the mention of why they came back, Dean looked away from them and across the Hall. His jaw dropped. It was him. It was Sam... alive.

* * *

He was more beautiful than Dean remembered. He didn't pay attention the last time this happened, but he noticed Sam's head was lowered and Malfoy was speaking to him. Seeing Malfoy spiked up his anger. Dean clenched his fists thinking about all the shit he was going to do to him.

Benny and Castiel looked back and they all saw Malfoy and Sam stand up and making their way out. So, this was why Dean wanted to come back to this point, Benny thought to himself.

Before anyone realized it, Dean rose to his feet and followed after them. Castiel and Benny stood up but stayed put. Dean had to do this on his own.

Dean was ignoring all the stares that he was receiving. He was glaring at Malfoy the entire time. They were ahead of him, but they were not leaving. Dean kept thinking about everything he had learned from reading Sam's letters.

Malfoy and Sam were just about to leave when he stopped them. Dean grabbed Malfoy and spun him around. Not saying a word to Sam, he kept his eyes on Malfoy.

"What the hell do you want Winchester?" Malfoy yelled.

Even though Dean wasn't looking at Sam, he could see that he was staring at his feet. Malfoy was still holding Sam's hand, which Dean wasn't going to tolerate.

"You have something that belongs to me."

"And what's that?" Malfoy asked puffing out his chest.

Dean smirked. He stepped closer to him, and as much as he wanted to wrap Sam in his arms and never let go he had to take care of business first. Without another word to Malfoy, Dean pulled back his arm, and slammed his fist into his face.

The entire Hall was quiet, but Dean didn't care if he now had an audience. As Malfoy fell to the floor, Dean went on top of him. He wasn't going to allow him to recover to relatiate. Dean punched Malfoy again. He remembered that he took Sam's innocence away. He remembered that he beat, raped, humiliated, and tortured him. Over and over Dean hit him, and it seemed like it was going on forever.

Malfoy was losing consciousness, but Dean lifted him up by the collar and whispered something in his ear. He dropped him hard loving the sound his head made when it came in contact with the ground. He stood up and looked around. Everyone, except Benny and Castiel, was staring at him in shock. He still couldn't bring himself to look at Sam even when he was so close. Ever since he found out that Sam had killed himself, he's been wanting to hold him. Now that he was here, he couldn't... not yet.

Then, the entire Slytherin House erupted in screams and yells. He saw most of them drawing their wands ready to attack Dean, but he wasn't worried about it. He may not be able to take on a teacher yet with no wand, but another student... they were no match.

Seeing that the Slytherins were pointing their wands at Dean, Castiel and Benny ran to Dean's side. Once they were ready to defend themselves, Dumbledore took that moment to quiet the students and they did.

Snape made his way down to them staring daggers at Dean. "Mr. Winchester, the Headmaster's office right now."

Dean crossed his arms staring with equal hatred at the professor. Dean turned his back on him and walked out of the hall. He made his way to the Headmaster's office with Snape following behind him. He didn't know if he would get expelled, and after everything he has gone through he didn't care. The only thing he cared about was Sam.

He sighed. Sam's been dead for weeks, and now that he's alive he didn't say anything to him; not even to look at him. He didn't know if he was all right. He knew by the first letter that nothing has happened to Sam yet that put him on his path to suicide, and if he had anything to do with it, he was never going to.

* * *

The time the Headmaster gave him his two weeks detention with Snape, he was told to go back to dinner. Snape left when he was satisfied with the punishment that he was given, but Dean stayed behind. He needed to speak with him, and he wasn't going to leave until he got what he needed. When it came down to it, Dumbledore didn't have a choice.

"Professor?" Dean announced as he approached the Headmaster's desk. "I need to speak with you about something extremely important."

Regardless if the Headmaster didn't help with Sam, Dean couldn't do anything to him. He wanted to be with Sam, and he couldn't do that if he was expelled or arrested for trying to kill the Headmaster. He was the only one in the entire school who had more authority than the teachers.

"What can I do for you?"

Dean took a deep breath. Now that Sam was alive and didn't know about the letters, he would have no issue with what Dean was about to do. I'm sorry Sam. "I need a favor, and I'm not leaving until you do it."

"What is that you need?"

"A year and a half from now, I'm going to recieve thirteen letters from someone that I love more than anything or anyone. And I cannot allow that to happen, and I need your help to make sure that it doesn't."

Dumbledore looked at him with curiosity. "I'm listening."

"Okay, this is what happened..."

* * *

Castiel watched as Snape followed Dean to the Headmaster's office. He and Benny were talking to each other about what they were going to do. They stopped Malfoy from raping Sam, but they were still going to be in the same House, so there wasn't a lot they could do. It's not like Sam could go to another House, or be guarded all day every day.

* * *

Sam stared in awe as Draco was carried to the Hospital Wing by his friends and a teacher. He didn't know why Dean would beat up Draco, but he was glad that he did. He was scared when he was almost dragged down to the common room. He didn't know what Draco had planned to do with him, but he was happy that he wouldn't have to find out.

He saw Dean's two best friends talking to each other near the door. He was a little scared, but he needed to know why Dean would do that. He hesitantly walked up to Dean's friends.

"Excuse me?" Sam said softly.

Dean's friends turned around. "Hello, Sam. Are you all right?"

Sam has never been asked that by someone with so much care and concern. "Yes, thank you. Do you know why Dean would beat up Draco?"

Instead of answering, both boys just smiled at him. When he opened his mouth to say something else, Professor McGonagall called for the students' attention. All three boys turned their attention to the front.

"This has never been done before for many many years, but may I have Sam Campbell come to the front, please?"

Sam's heart skipped a beat the mention of his name. Why did she want him? Did he do something wrong? Was she going to give him a detention? He thought back to the day's events, and couldn't remember ever doing something wrong.

Nevertheless, he made his way to the front. He didn't like that everyone was staring at him as he went to the front. The closer that he got to the Professor, he could see that sitting next to her was a stool with the Sorting Hat. He furrowed his brows. Why would that be there? Don't they sort students at the beginning of the year? Were they having a new student?

He made it to the front, and stood before the Professor. He was motioned to sit, and when he did the hat was placed on his head. What the hell? Why was this happening? He was already sorted. This didn't make any sense!

* * *

The hat covered his eyes from view of the rest of the students.

_"Sam Campbell, we meet again."_

_"I don't understand what's going on."_

_The hat chuckled. "Well, I'm resorting you is what's going on."_

_"Resorting?! But I'm in Slytherin. Students don't get resorted, do they?"_

_"They do when they have friends who care about them deeply, and threaten the Headmaster to get what he wants."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"All you need to know is you need to consider yourself lucky, because Dean and his friends never should've survived that jump."_

_"Jump? What does Dean have to do with this? I don't-"_

_"When I first sorted you," The hat interrupted, "I told you that your destiny was in Slytherin. I never said you were going to stay in Slytherin, did I? You needed to be put there to bring yourself to this point. Now enough."_

Before Sam could say a word the Hat screamed out, "GRYFFINDOR!"

* * *

The hat was lifted off his head, and expecting McGonagall to be there he instead saw Dean staring back at him. His heart raced at the sight of Dean in front of him. He held out his hand for Sam to take and he took it. Even though he had no idea what was happening, he was holding hands with the one that he loved more than his own life.

Not too long ago, he was being yelled at by Draco and bullied by the other Slytherins. He was dreaming about the future he wanted with Dean. He was imagining it was Dean that he was calling his boyfriend. Now, he was holding hands with him. It might not mean anything to Dean, but it meant so much to him.

"Why are you holding my hand?" he asked quietly.

Dean laughed softly. "Do you want me to let go?" Please say no, please say no.

Sam blushed and squeezed Dean's hand. He shook his head. "Merlin, no."

Dean sighed in relief. "Good, because I'm never letting go."

* * *

Dean escorted Sam to the Gryffindor table. The other Gryffindors stared at them both not knowing how to react to a Slytherin turned Gryffindor. The way Dean was looking at them all, they turned back to their food and their friends.

Benny and Castiel sat in their spots just watching Sam and Dean finally get together.

Dean looked down at Sam, and lifted their hands and gently kissed the back of Sam's hands. He smiled big when Sam blushed red.

"Why did you do that? Is this a joke?" Sam couldn't help but ask. He loved that he was holding hands with the one that he's been wanting since the previous year, but he didn't know what he would do if this was all some cruel joke.

Dean nodded down at Sam. "You're right."

Sam looked down frowning. He was right. Dean was just messing with him. He knew he was really in Gryffindor, but Dean didn't like him back. He was just being toyed with. He didn't know how Dean knew about his feelings. It didn't matter. He was just going to have to suffer being in the same House as the one he loved who didn't like him back. He pulled his hand away, but Dean held on tighter. Sam looked up at him confused.

Dean cleared his throat, and turned his body to face Sam. "My name is Dean Winchester, and I've been in love with you for three years."

What? Sam didn't understand why he would say that. He's only been at the school for a year and a half. Does Dean not know how old is he?

"I've only been here for a year and a half."

Dean smiled. "I know. I'll explain another time. Anyway, would you like to go out with me?"

Sam gasped. Did he really just say that? Please, Merlin let him say that. "What?"

"Would you like to be my boyfriend?" Dean said again more slowly. "Possibly be mine forever."

"What about Draco?"

Dean clenched his fist in anger at the mention of that dick's name. "Forget about him. You're mine, and no one is ever going to have you. I'm only making it official."

Sam blushed even more. He was really hoping that Dean was being truthful about this. "Okay, yes."

"Say it. Say you're mine," Dean ordered happily. "Say I'm yours."

"I'm yours, and you're mine." Yes! Sam finally got to say those words. He loved the sound of them coming from his mouth.

"Forever."

"Forever." Sam would agree with that for as long as he lived.

As the students finished their dinner, they were making their way to their respective House. Just like Dean had promised, he never let go of Sam's hand.

* * *

Dean had to finally let Sam go, becaue he needed to be shown his new bed and go to sleep. Sam stared down at his new bed, and was about to sit down when Dean called attention to the others.

"Alright, listen up. Sam's going to be in Gryffindor now, and he's going to be sleeping in here. If he tells me that any of you were hurting him in any way, and I will find out, I'll make the rest of your years here a living nightmare. You all think Snape is terrible, think again."

Sam was touched at the protective nature Dean felt toward him. Please don't let this be a dream.

Dean walked up to Ron and Harry, and whispered something that only they were able to hear. By the scared looks on their faces, he knew it wasn't good. He grabbed his pajamas, and went to go change. Expecting to come back with Dean gone, he was surprised and happy to find him waiting next to his bed.

"You didn't have to do that," Sam said shyly.

Dean shook his head. "Of course I did. I'll see you tomorrow." Dean made his way out.

Sam climbed into bed, and looked up when Dean came back. "Is something wrong?"

Dean smiled and leaned in close. "Forgot something."

Sam watched him closely as Dean's lips got closer and closer until finally their lips touched. He was never kissed before by anyone, not even Draco with so much care and love. Dean's lips were soft and tender. Sam wanted to stay in this position forever.

They parted, but Dean didn't back away. Whispering softly against Sam's lips, "I don't want to live without you. I love you, Sammy."

Sam wanted to say it back, but he couldn't get his voice to work. Dean stared at him for a few more moments, and then took his leave.

"I love you too."

* * *

Dean had made it to his bed with the other fourth years. He had almost went to the sixth year rooms, but remembered that he wasn't a sixth year yet. He didn't bother with a shower. He was too tired, and just wanted to go to sleep so he could see Sam in the morning.

"Hey, are you okay?" A voice said to the side of him.

Dean turned his head and saw Benny staring back at him. He smiled thinking back to the kiss he shared with Sam. "No, I'm not. I'm terrific. I'm the happiest I can be, and the great part is... is this is only the beginning."

"Good. So what did Dumbledore tell you?"

Dean sighed. "He said that what we did was very dangerous. Mixing our kind of magic with the kind that the spell belonged to should've killed us. According to him, we should've never been able to even get as far as seeing the white smoke. It should've blown up and killed us."

"Sounds about right. Castiel told me that when you went to the library."

Dean scoffed. "And you still went along with it?"

Benny shrugged his shoulders. "Wouldn't have been much of an ending if we died."

They were quiet for a few minutes. "Castiel and I saw you say something to Malfoy when you kicked his ass. What did you say to him?"

"I told him that if he ever spoke, looked or tried anything in a way that would hurt Sam, nothing was going to stop me from killing him."

Benny nodded. "Sounds like something you would say. Let's just hope that he listens."

"I hope he doesn't."

They were about ready to go to bed, when they heard a knock on their door. Dean sat up as he watched the door open and saw Sam peaking in. He could hear Benny and the others laugh at how adorably shy Sam appeared.

"Sam, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Sam walked in all the way and shook his head. He was carrying his bag for the next day. He played with his hands, and mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Can I sleep with you?" Sam asked a little louder.

The other boys stopped laughing. Dean could hear fear in that question. He doubted it was fear from sleeping in his own bed. He looked at the other boys around him.

"Are you guys okay with that?"

They all agreed. Sam smiled and made his way to Dean's bed. When Sam made his way up here with Dean, he didn't think that Dean would try anything that would make him uncomfortable. He didn't think there was ever the possibility that Dean would make him do anything he didn't want to do. When the day came that they were both ready for that step, it was going to be wonderful... even if it were to become awkward.

As Sam was climbing into the bed, Dean stopped him. He frowned. "I have something for you." Sam watched Dean lift up his pillow and grabbed what looked like a book. He got him a book?

Dean carressed the cover and kissed it lightly. "I went to the library and found this. It was next to a muggle book of poetry. I couldn't leave it behind. When I found it, it was ruined. It was burned so bad it was impossible to use it or see what was inside. Someone I love very much told me this was his hope for a better future, a better self, and love. Can you see why I couldn't leave it behind?" It wasn't really a question looking for an answer. "I tried to fix what I could, and now I'm giving it back to you."

Sam looked down at the book Dean was holding out to him. He recognized it. It was his, but that was impossible. He reached down into his own bag and pulled out a diary. He compared the two and they were exactly the same. He looked up at Dean speechless.

"What- How- I don't understand. How do you have this? What do you mean burned?" He opened it up and saw every thought, dream and wish he ever had about Dean. There were pictures of him in there, and more writing he doesn't remember.

Dean smiled at him feeling shy because the others were watching them. He shrugged his shoulders. "I wanted to give you your hope back."

Sam had no idea what Dean was talking about, but he knew it was good. He put his diaries into his bag, and he laid down. Dean pulled the covers over them, and wrapped his arm around Sam pulling him in close.

Benny turned the light off, and they all went to sleep.

Sam felt incredibly safe in Dean's arms. None of this made any sense. He was kissed by the boy that he loved, he was now going out with said boy, and now he was sleeping in the same bed. Sam really hoped that none of this was a dream.

Dean kissed the top of Sam's head, and brought his lips to his ear. "This isn't a dream, and if it is I don't want to wake up. I love you with all my heart and soul, and I'm never letting you go. I'll keep you safe for the rest of my life." Not in the least bit did Dean dislike the fact that he was saying such sappy words, but he didn't care. If it meant that Sam would understand how much he was loved, then so be it.

"Why?" He whispered back.

"Because, you more than anyone in this whole world deserve to be happy and to live a long life with someone you care about and who cares about you. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know that you're worth it. I will not stop telling you deserve it until you believe me... and maybe even after. Now go to sleep. We have the rest of our lives for me to confess to you how much I love you."

Sam didn't know what to say. No one has ever cared about him to the degree that Dean obviously felt. He didn't deserve it, but for once in his life he'll be selfish and take it. He was falling asleep in Dean's arms still thinking about the night's events. He still didn't understand what Dean meant about the diary being burned, because it was in perfect condition...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so no one dies, but still one more chapter. This is officially the end, but the next is a timestamp.


	11. Epilogue: Eleven Years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has commented and liked the story.  
> The photo is not mine. I found it on Google. I would make my own fanart if I knew how. The link to the photo is http://pm1.narvii.com/5867/88c51797e1e6917bdb3ca08eaa5af118d1016c8a_hq.jpg

"Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak, and Benny Laffite please step forward," Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt ordered.

All three men walked forward in their chains not saying a word, not even to each other. They kept their gazes forward not bothering to look at anyone in the room. All around them watching were dozens of witches and wizards. Everyone yelled their hatred for the men. All three men were so hated that the Minister didn't even try to stop the people from shouting, because he agreed with them. Eventually they quieted down to listen to what was being said.

"You have been charged with the murders and kidnappings of Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood, Joanna Harvelle, Ronald Weasley, Remus Lupin, Hermione Granger, Nick Pallegrino, Alastair Pallegrino, Lilith Boecher, Harry Potter, Ruby Cortese, Bela Talbot and Samuel Campbell."

As Shacklebolt read aloud the names of each person, the families and friends of those people screamed in outrage. Curses and minor jinxes were thrown their way, but Castiel's magic guarded all three men. Another wizard, who had disarmed them and confiscated their wands at their capture, ordered for the shield to be put down. Castiel looked to Dean, and when given the order he let it down.

Shacklebolt silenced the room and went back to the men. "Do you have anything to say before you are given your sentence?"

Castiel who stood to Dean's right laughed, and soon Benny joined in. All throughout the room people were sharing confused looks. They had no idea what brought on the men's laughter. Did they miss something? Was something said that they couldn't hear during their outburst?

"What's so funny?" a wizard to the Minister's right asked.

Castiel shook his head. "Nothing. I was just thinking about all the fun we had as we tortured them all. They were all wonderful screamers. I think my favorite was Jo." Castiel sighed dramatically. "Now, she screamed beautifully. Too bad she died after only two days. I was just getting started."

Benny nodded in agreement. "Jo was nice, but I have to say Hermione was my favorite. The way she bled was out and gagged on her own intestines was remarkable. Out of all them, she was my best work."

Everyone listened as both men painted out a vivid picture of how their victims died. Several people even threw up while a few had to leave the room.

The Minister looked quite ill hearing their words. He turned to Dean. "Dean Winchester, do you have anything to say?"

Dean was the only who didn't speak since they had arrived. He didn't react to anything the people yelled at them. He didn't react when his partners talked about who they enjoyed most, and who they didn't. He didn't even say anything when they were 'captured'.

Dean looked up the Minister and smirked. "My favorite was and will always be Sam. The way he looked under my blade as I cut into him. His screams were music to my ears. I loved the way he begged for death. It was such a shame that he couldn't last as long as I would've liked. Oh well," he shrugged.

Anyone who knew Dean from school would all admit that they were shocked to learn that Dean had murdered and tortured Sam. Most had figured that Dean had killed someone who happened to share the same name, but when it was the same Sam from Hogwarts, no one knew what to say. No one knew if there were even words that could be said. No one who went to school with him could ever believe that Dean would harm Sam in any way.

"Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak and Benny Laffite you are sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss in three days. Until then you are to be sent to Azkaban Prison."

As soon as he struck his gavel, the man before them all pulled out their wands and snapped them in two. None of them expressed any emotions at seeing their wands being destroyed.

* * *

 

Hearing the verdict, everyone cheered in joy and happiness to know that the men that took away their friends and loved ones would be dealt with to the highest degree.

Just as they were being escorted out, an unknown man walked in. The minister silenced the room not knowing who the man was. "Who are you?"

"I'm their lawyer. Were these men represented?"

The Minister scoffed at his introduction. "We have no lawyers. Leave now." He ordered one of his men to get the man out.

The lawyer pointed his wand at the man. "Put that hand on me, and it will never touch a thing again." The man backed off. The lawyer faced the Minister. "These men are innocent."

"Impossible."

"No, it's not. Do you have any proof that these men killed anyone?"

"They were found at the scene of the murder of Bela Talbot. They just described how they murdered them all. That's proof enough."

"Really? Because what I heard were three men talk about murders that have been in the paper for everyone to see. I see three men who happened to be seen where Ms. Talbot was killed. Did anyone happen to see them killing her?"

No one spoke.

"Release them now, or I'll have this entire department facing no employment, no financial means, and no homes to go to by tomorrow morning. That goes to everyone else witnessing this."

 

* * *

 

After realizing who it was that was their 'lawyer' the Minister dropped the charges. Those who were related to the victims were outraged, but they didn't want the threats against them to be anything but threats.

They were released, and ordered off the premises. Dean walked out of the building with Castiel and Benny following behind him. They tried to find the lawyer, but couldn't. He was gone. He didn't know how he was able to get them released, or if he could even go through with his threats. Now that they were out, they weren't too bothered by it.

 

Dean didn't even flinch when he felt arms wrap around him. He leaned back into the stranger's chest, and sighed in relief. He felt them both being pulled this way and that but Dean felt home. He missed this. It's been far too long since he felt this presence... felt this safe.

He opened his eyes and saw Castiel and Benny in their everyday clothes. Castiel was pulling on his tan trench coat over his suit. Dean never really got the point of the outfit, but couldn't deny that he looked good. Benny wore his usual jeans, T-shirt, and coat.

The stranger pulled out his wand and changed his clothes. Dean could've done it himself, but he chose use his time staring at the man before him. Dean never looked away from the stranger. When he went to turn away, Dean stopped him. He pulled down his hood, and smiled at the face that stared down at him. He could never get over the fact that the man that he loved and swore to protect for the rest of his life was taller than him.

 

"I missed you, Sammy." Dean cupped his face and pulled him down.

Sam didn't say a word, and just allowed Dean to do what he wanted. Their lips touched, and they felt complete. They ignored their audience. Sam and Dean have been away from each other for far too long to wait until they were alone. They broke apart, but didn't pull away from each other.

Castiel cleared his throat. "Sorry to break up the moment between you two, but what took you so long, Sam? And who the hell was that guy? Was he with you?"

 

"Cas." Dean warned. He had no idea where Castiel had gotten the idea that he could speak to Sam any way he wanted. Dean lost count on how many times he had to put him in his place. Sam never liked it and often told Dean that he wasn't worth him hurting his and Castiel's friendship. Every time he said this to him, Dean would respond with that no one was more important than him. He would end all relationships he had if it meant that Sam knew of his importance.

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, sorry about that. I tried to get back as fast as I could, but I was held up with things in the US. By the time I was finished, it was too late. I had someone who owed me favor go for me instead. He holds a lot of power in both the US and British Ministries."

Before either Castiel or Benny could say anything else, Dean cut them off. "Whatever happened today, the point is we're out."

"Yeah," Benny said, "but does he know we actually killed them?"

Sam shrugged. "Does it matter?"

 

* * *

 

A few days after Sam's rescue, all four decided to lay low for awhile. It was around the fourth night that they all decided that they needed to come up with a plan. Wanted posters of them were scattered everywhere. A couple of times of going out they were spotted. It was no trouble getting away, but they knew they wouldn't be able to do this forever. If they wanted to go out, they didn't want to keep hiding.

They all sat around thinking of what they were going to do. It was around midnight that Dean suggested that they make their to the States. Sam had set up everything for them at the US Ministry. Their money had been transferred to the banks out there. Even though they were wanted, the US Aurors would not be able to touch them since the crimes were not committed there. As long as they stayed out of trouble, they would be left alone.

It was the whole reason Sam went to the US in the first place. Dean had told Sam that while they got rid of everyone he was to go to the US Ministry and sort everything out for them. It took five years to find everyone, but it was worth it. Near the end was when Dean told him it was time to go. Dean didn't want Sam around them when they were killing everyone, but he couldn't deal with not being around him. 

Castiel and Benny agreed that the States would be a better place to live. Sam didn't have to agree, because he would go wherever Dean wanted. If he wanted to go live underground, or in the forest, or the desert, Sam would follow.

Sam had remembered the day he told his parents of his relationship with Dean. They were perfectly fine with it... at first. Once they realized how devoted they were to each other, they had ordered Sam to break it off. They told Sam that it was unhealthy how much they needed to be around each other, and the way they acted. Sam was outraged.

One night, Dean had found Sam at his window with his bags. After Sam told Dean what happened with his parents, he had to practically pin Dean to his bed. Dean was furious with his parents. Dean had spoken to his own parents, and after a lot of yelling, threats to run away with Sam, they caved and allowed Sam to stay with them on the condition that they sleep separately. Little did his parents know, they were both together every night. For the rest of their school years they lived together.

"I think it's best we go our separate ways for awhile," Castiel said.

Benny furrowed his brows. "Why? You don't want to be with us anymore?"

"That's not it and you know it. The fact is that we did kill Potter. Regardless if the charges were dropped, people still believe we did it. We all know that Voldemort had plans to take over the US. Potter stopping him obviously stopped his attempt to take over their home. Not everyone is going to just let what we did slide. There's going to be some who will want to take us out since our Ministry didn't. It'll be easier if we're not all together. When everything's blown over, we'll meet up."

 

That was that. They all collected their things and apparated as close as they could in the US. From there they all went there separate ways promising to meet up.

* * *

 

Sam and Dean waved goodbye to Castiel and Benny. Before Dean could say anything, Sam grabbed his hand and apparated them somewhere he didn't know, but he trusted Sam not to worry. When they arrived, Dean saw where they stood. They were in an old run down home. There were books everywhere. Whoever lived there really needed to clean up, or hire a maid.

"Where are we?"

Sam smiled. "Remember when we were in school you said that you wanted to know more about the kind of magic that the spell that Castiel had shown you?" Dean nodded. "Well, Castiel's father knew a guy that was basically an expert on that stuff. When you sent me out here, I tracked him down. We started talking, and he agreed to tell you whatever you wanted to know if I helped him with a werewolf."

Dean didn't know what to say. It's true that he was really curious on the background of the spell that he Castiel and Benny had used. He remembered that after he told Sam about everything that they had went through, he confessed that he wanted to know more about it. He was touched that Sam remembered something that he mentioned years ago.

"Wait here." Sam said. He went upstairs looking for someone. Minutes went by when he finally returned with an older man.

"Hello," Dean said holding out his hand. They shook his hands. "I'm Dean. I understand you know why we're here."

"Name's Bobby Singer. Sam told me you wanted to know more about where that spell you and your friends cast when you were kids."

"You understand that we're wizards, right?"

Bobby scoffed. "Yes, he mentioned that. I've been around long enough to know that not everything supernatural related in the world is evil. It did help when he used his magic to help with a werewolf I was hunting. So, what do you want to know?"

Dean, Sam and Bobby sat around talking about everything that had to do with where the spell came from, and anything related to it. They even talked about monsters, traps, and supplies that were needed to kill certain things. Dean has never been more interested in anything but Sam in... forever. Sam will always be his number one favorite topic, but this was a close second.

* * *

 

Bobby knew Sam well enough to know that they can both be trusted. He had agreed to let them stay while they learned what they could, but said that if either of them stole anything or go bad their asses we're going to be filled with rock salt.

The next morning, Sam woke Dean up with a kiss. Morning breath or not, Dean loved Sam's lips against his. They took their showers (together), cleaned up and ate breakfast. Dean wasn't even finished with his food before Sam started pulling him outside.

"Not everyone eats as fast as you do."

Sam chuckled. "Just come on. You can finish after."

"After what?"

But Sam didn't answer him. He dragged him to Bobby's garage. He ordered Dean to close his eyes, and after some grumbling Dean did. Dean stood there with his eyes closed until Sam told him to open his eyes. When he did, he gasped. Right in front of him stood the most beautiful car he will ever see in his life. Sam was motioning to a classic 1967 Chevy Impala. It looked brand new, and Sam confirmed that it practically was. Dean slowly walked up to it touching it wanting to make sure it was real.

"How?"

"You told me that you always wanted one since you saw it when you were a kid when you and your parents came out here to visit family. I asked John, and he told me where I can find one. I tracked it down here and fixed it up. It being Bobby's was a plus. I didn't have to go too far. Do you like it?"

"Do I- Yes! I love it. Thank you Sammy."

Sam shrugged his shoulder as if it wasn't a big deal. "Now that we're out here, we might as well have a car."

Dean went to kiss Sam again, but he was stopped. He frowned. "What? More presents? How many do you have?"

Sam shook his head laughing. "Well, what do you expect on your birthday?" He went to the passenger side of the car, and pulled something out of the glove box.

"Twenty five is not a big deal."

In Sam's hand was a long thin box. "Didn't I say that last year when I turned twenty two? Anyway, here." He handed the box over.

Dean took and opened it. Inside was a wand. He looked up at Sam confused. "Whose wand is this?"

"It's yours."

Dean shook his head. "No, it's not. Mine was snapped." He's never seen the wand in his hand before. It was longer than his, and bumps along side it. "Where did you get this?"

"Well remember after the war, I told you that I needed some time to clear my head?" Dean nodded. "Well, I went down near the bridge, and I found it. I don't know whose it was, but it was snapped in two. I liked it, so I took it. I was told by a lot of people that it would never be able to work again, but I wanted to try. I spent a long time trying to fix it. When you sent me out here, Bobby told me about a witch that might be able to help me. She's our kind of witch, but she knows about the Witchcraft Bobby does. For a price, she was able to help me fix it. I knew that your wand would be snapped if you were caught, so I wanted to give it to you."

"But it belongs to you. You fixed it up, so it's yours. You're its owner, not me." Dean handed it back, but Sam still didn't take it.

"Actually, no it's not. Last week when we were dueling each other, you disarmed me. I may not have been using this wand, but it was still mine. You disarmed me, so it now belongs to you."

Dean chuckled. "You did that on purpose."

Sam shook his head. He pulled Dean in for a kiss that he's been waiting for. "Can you prove it?"

* * *

 

Two years went by, and Bobby was aware that Sam and Dean were going to go off on their own. He had no idea that he would grow close to them in the time they've been hunting together, but he liked them both. Even though they were wizards, they were helpful on hunts. They learned quickly, and pulled their own weight. Their relationship was going to be their greatest weakness, but if they did things right, it could also be their greatest strength.

During the years, Castiel and Benny showed up from time to time. Benny was in a relationship with a girl named Andrea Kormos. From the sight of them together, Dean saw that they were good with each other. Not that long ago, Benny had told him that they were both expecting.

Despite Castiel's suggestion not to draw any attention, Dean had learned that he was now working for the Ministry in their Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He had proven that he wasn't the type of a man that he was made out to be in the British Ministry. Castiel may or may not have found a way to get rid of any record that had to do with what they did. He was never clear about that.

Because of their hunting and magical experience, the Ministry had offered Sam and Dean jobs in their Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical and Muggle Creatures. They would still hunt on their own if they had to, but they would need to inform their Head of Department. They both found the work no different than just normal hunting. The only real difference was the paperwork, and informing their boss of a new hunt. Even though, Dean didn't like the paperwork, the pay made up for it.

So at the end of the day, all of their lives were pretty good, especially for a bunch of murderers. If they looked back to the day they all knew they would be murderers, they would never expect this to happen. Then again, one could always count on them to do the unexpected.

* * *

 

On their way to a new hunt, Sam decided to take a nap since they wouldn't be at their destination for awhile. They were given the option to work with a different partner, but they quickly refused. They were also told they should just apparate where they needed to go, but ever since Sam gave the Impala to Dean, he would not part with it. They would only apparate if they had no other choice. 

Sam loved every moment he had with Dean, and couldn't see himself anywhere else or with anyone else. There were times where they both needed their space, but they always found themselves next to each other again. He felt that his place was always with Dean in the driver's seat.

He remembered the day when they were both at Hogwarts that Dean finally told him the truth behind his words concerning the diary, his sudden love, and the fight between him and Draco. To say that he was surprised was an understatement. To hear that in another time he wrote thirteen letters explaining why he killed himself. To know that he actually committed suicide was what shocked him the most. Never could he ever think about ending his life when Dean was still in the world. How could he possibly die without Dean?

Dean had explained what each letter said. He didn't want to tell Sam anything, but couldn't deny what Sam wanted. Sam didn't want to use that against Dean, but he had to know. He felt incredibly bad afterward, but Dean told him he wasn't mad.

When Dean was finished speaking, Sam was angry. Regardless if Sam didn't actually go through it, in a way he still did. In another time, he actually died and went through everything that was said to him. He was so angry that he lashed out. His magic hadn't reacted to his anger since he was a kid barely learning about his magic.

Dean had assured him that he would never let anyone hurt him, but it didn't make him feel better. Even though Dean didn't know about it at the time, he was hurt. He was hurt by people that were supposed to help him and promised to do so.

After he learned the entire truth, he couldn't look at the people who was apart of the thirteen the same way. He really liked Lupin and Luna very much, but after that... he couldn't speak to them. He stopped being friends with her, even though she didn't do anything. But the thought that she could had it not been for Dean's love for him, she would have.

During the war, Dean had gone to Castiel and Benny and told them that even though Sam is alive, he was still hurting. Castiel was angry with Dean for telling Sam anything, but after hearing that Sam begged him to, he stopped. They all agreed that the thirteen couldn't get away with their actions, whether they technically didn't do anything. The point is they were all still capable of it.

Once the war ended, they were all angry that Snape was killed. Dean was okay with just going after the remaining twelve. Then came the moment that Sam asked Dean to kill him too. Castiel and Benny didn't know why he would say it. Castiel yelled at Sam saying that they went through so much to save him, and the fact that he wanted to die was unacceptable. After Dean was finished yelling at Castiel, Sam went on to explain.

"I don't want you to actually kill me, but just to make it seem like you did."

"Why, Sam?" Dean had asked softly.

"I don't want to be Samuel Campbell anymore. I don't care if it didn't actually happen to me, but to know that another me went through it all angers me. Samuel Campbell was raped, beaten, abused, humiliated, and tortured for years. He counted on so many people only to be let down. I don't want to be him. I think after everything he went through, it's best to just let him rest. I need to let him go, and find a new me."

"Who do you want to be?"

"I don't know. For now, I'll just be Sam."

And that was that. Samuel Campbell was their final victim. When they 'killed' him, Sam felt free. He felt like he can finally let go, and be whatever he wanted. He didn't have to worry about what was done hanging over his head for the rest of his life.

* * *

 

Dean had pulled over for the night. He didn't have any muggle money on him for a motel, so they agreed to sleep in the car. Dean had pulled into an empty field not before cloaking the car. Not only would the magical community not see them, but muggles wouldn't be able to either.

Instead of going to sleep, Dean got out of the car grabbing the beers with him. When Sam tried the American beer, it actually tasted disgusting, but after awhile he had grown to like it. Dean as well. Sam sat on the hood, and took a swig of the beer. 

Sam didn't know what he was doing, so he followed after him and sat on the hood next to Dean. "Dean, are you okay?"

Dean nodded. They both looked up and couldn't deny that the night sky was beautiful. Sam didn't understand at first why Dean would want to park the car out here, but seeing the stars he could see why. Dean didn't seem like the type, but he had always found the stars beautiful. And tonight, there were so many in the sky.

"When I first saw you walk in the Hall to be sorted, I knew that we would be together." Dean said out of nowhere breaking the silence. He was still looking at the stars as he spoke. "I told myself that one day soon you were going to be mine. I promised to myself that I would do whatever I could to make you happy. No matter what it was that you wanted, I would make it yours. I spent so much time imagining what our lives would be like."

Sam blushed red.

"But then came the day I got his letters." Dean had agreed to never associate the old Sam to the one sitting next to him. Regardless if they were one and the same, it was what Sam wanted. "So many times, I wanted to die to be with him. I wasted my chance to be with him in life, I swore to be with him in death. The more letters I read, the more I wanted to be him. I wanted just one more chance to be with him, and I would never ask for anything again." He took a swig. "I guess we owe everything to Castiel, because if it wasn't for him we wouldn't be here."

Sam shook his head. "No. Castiel may have provided the way, but if it wasn't for _your love_ for... me then I wouldn't be here with you now. You had the chance to get revenge and die to be with me, but you decided to risk your very life for a chance to come back to me." Sam leaned over and pushed Dean to lay against the windshield. He kissed Dean, and laid next to him. They had to move to get comfortable, and once they did they didn't want to move.

Dean wrapped his arm around Sam. There was no way Sam couldn't hear his heart pounding in his chest. He took in a deep breath. He reached into his pocket. If he was going to do this, he had to do it now. Otherwise, he didn't know when the next perfect moment would come.

Sam closed his eyes listening to Dean's heart beat. He didn't know why his heart was beating so fast, but if it was serious Dean would tell him. He was on the verge of falling asleep when Dean tapped his shoulder.

"Sam? What time is it?"

Sam checked his watch. "It's midnight. Why?"

"Happy birthday." With that, Dean held out a small box for him.

As soon as Sam grabbed it, he could feel Dean's heart beat faster. He sat up and opened it. He gasped. He looked back at Dean who was staring at him nervously. He looked back at the what was staring up at him from the box. Was this for real? Please, Merlin let this be real.

"Dean?"

Dean sat up slowly. "A long time ago, you let Sam Campbell go. You said you wanted to find a new you. I agreed. I've given you everything you asked for in the past, and I'll give you everything you want in the future. You wanted to be a new you, and I'll love whoever that was, but I don't want you to. I want you to stay exactly the way you are. I don't want you to be someone new."

Dean grabbed what was in the box and held it out to him. "You wanted to be just Sam until you learned who you wanted to be. I agreed to wait until you chose, but I can no longer wait. Right now until the end of time, will you be Sam Winchester?"

Sam wanted to scream to the heavens his answer, but he couldn't. He looked Dean deep in his eyes, and saw all the love he had for him, and no doubt Dean could see the same in his eyes. He whispered, "Yes."

He looked down as Dean put a ring on his finger. Ever since Dean told him about the letters and what happened, he felt detached from who he believed he was. Being with Dean alleviated that feeling, but it was still there. He loved Dean from the bottom of his heart and soul, and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. From the moment he saw Dean when he was eleven, he didn't want to live without him. He couldn't and wouldn't. Wherever Dean went, he would follow. If Dean died and went to Heaven, Sam would follow. If Dean went to Hell, well... Sam would jump in the pit without a second thought.

For so long, he didn't know who he was. Seeing the ring on his finger, he now realized he was wrong the whole time. Even before he learned about the letters, he knew that he was always meant to be Sam Winchester. Now he realized that he always wanted to be Sam Winchester. Dean pulled him down for a kiss, and before long they were asleep on the hood of the Impala under the night sky.

  

...

...

...

...

On the plus side, Sam and Dean Winchester do sound more badass...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all. More crossovers in the future, and my two girls are coming back soon. Anyway, remember if you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, bullied and/or being abused in any way by anyone please speak up. I know it's scary to talk about it, but it's even more scary about what could happen if you don't. Nothing will change if no one talks.
> 
> So please Always Keep Fighting because You Are Not Alone! Until next time. -Kauri510

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome, but not necessary for me to continue. Although, they do give me ideas.


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